Question

Banana scandal for me....it was js so boring midway I couldn't continue, I felt like I was wasting my wifi using it to read it
Guiding hazard too, it was nice but idk it felt weird to me....like it felt so eerie and I didn't particularly find the characters amusing so I dropped it

so, we have a friend group, of 5 women(say, me, A,M,J,C). we were friends from college. and yesterday i met with one of my friends(A) and she told me she's seeing this one guy(i have also met him once or twice, she and him were friends before). and i was like oh, good for you! then she told me that one of our other friends(M) is also dating this other guy(i also met him once, he was okay i guess, but M liked him.), and i was like, okay i saw it coming. then we accidentally meet our other friend(J) and she didn't tell us that she was in a relationship but from our chats it feels like she's in a talking stage and have something going on with a guy. so, i text C today, to tell her about these deets (she remains MIA most of the time) and she was like, the same level of "misandrist" as me T_T, and she was also bi (all my other friends are straight, thats what they have told me). so C also tells me she got a bf too?!?! omg im so shocked, all my friends got a bf and here i am, i legit don't talk to men at ALL. im not jealous or sad or anything, i dont even want to be in a relationship, but oh god the concept of all of them getting together with men, in similar time duration is so baffling to me T_T.
now i feel like im the one left out, and i feel a bit distanced. (they didn't put the distance between us, it's just....you know. feels like an odd one out). the thing i dont even wanna get a bf or a relationship, but this feels like induced FOMO.

There are some people who have told me to get myself checked for autism, as I have displayed some unique behaviors. But is it rlly worth it to get myself tested??? I've heard that if u get tested positive of autism, it will make it significantly harder to get jobs. Also, what will I even gain from knowing too?? Sure, I would definitely finally feel at peace knowing I'm not weird, or even feel out of place... Idkkk TT

And honestly, even I have thought of myself as one too... I know it's wrong to self diagnosed, but I can't help it when I so clearly see I don't fit anywhere.

Also, these are some of behaviors that my friend convinced me that there's a high chance that I'm autistic too.

I have so many sensory issues, can't stand certain textures, ESPECIALLY tissues. Can't stand certain clothes, some of them makes my teeth hurt, or just overall makes me feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Can't stand styrofoam and chalk, it was HELLL whenever I had to go upfront and write on the board... Can't stand concrete, it also hurts my teeth. Can't stand listening to music a lot, it literally HURTS and i desperately wish I was like the others who can constantly listen to music everyday. The longest I can stand is probably 30mins. I hate getting my feet and hands wet, just not fun at all. I have a strong sense of smell, and it rlly bothers me how I am the only one who can smell something. I have to constantly be on guard and change my entire behavior when it comes to other people, so as to not seem "weird" or mean. I have a uh idk how to properly say this, but it's like steps(??) of eating. First, I don't want my rice and food to touch. I need my food to be placed in a separate plate. Secondly, if I have regular rice and fried rice, fried rice(the better one, or my favorite) has to be on the top of my regular rice. And then, I have to carefully gather every bits and pieces of my meal(little bit of rice, fried rice, chicken, veggie, etc) and eat it in one bite so I can eat.. everything at once. And, lastly, for the last bite, if my food is for example, hotdogs, I have to keep the ends of the hotdog and eat it for last. For chicken too, I have to keep some of the skin and meat. And many many more...

Anyways, this message is getting too long. Sorry!!

Context - The manga is about two ex classmates and childhood friend. (for the sake of understanding I am referring the characters as uke and seme, but they never actually had any s e x) Uke is the guy (extrovert) who confessed to seme, who is a serious, (more introvert) and later marries a woman. The artsyle is the classic old Japanese. It's in black and white.

Details - The uke and seme share a bickering kinda friendship. One day when they were alone uke (directly, indirectly) confessed that he likes men. Seme is shocked but he also understands him Noone other than seme knows in their class. They studies in same class.

Later in the manga seme had to move to a different city, town but he promises uke that he'll return and wait for him. Seme after moving to a different city had a second thought and got scared of society. He then marries a woman to live a "normal" life. He never contacted uke (who remains unknown that seme is married now) but deep down seme regrets it everyday.

Unknown to the fact, uke never goes into another relationship. He continues waiting for seme but years have passed so he decided to go to the city, town seme is in and searches for him. Somehow he stumbled with semes wife who learns uke is friends with seme. So she invites him over to dinner without telling seme. Seme after work arrives home. while his wife is preparing their dinner doorbell rang. Seme went to open the door and is shocked to see uke at the doorstep. His wife tells she invited him for dinner. Seme excuses himself saying he wants to catch up and buy some ingredients to his wife he leaves with uke and outside he reminded of the past. He apologize profusely to uke. He tells him he got scared. Uke who is heartbroken puts on a smile forgiving him.

It's a bittersweet and definitely sad unrequited bl love. If you know or have read something similar to this plot please comment. I'll check every manga. If you don't know you can help me by sharing this post to different people under different categories!! I don't mind you sharing this post on different sites put please comment once you find the title I am putting my hopes on you !!