Instagram Friends

I think in the recent years my personality has died down significantly and when I remember how talkative I used to be, sometimes I get a bit upset that I can't be like the way I was before. I've also noticed that I can never maintain a friend group for longer than 2 years. I'm honestly concerned, is there something wrong with my personality? Coz from my pov I feel like I'm just a big pushover who lets people say whatever they want for me because I always felt like that was my position in a friendship. But eventually I always tire of it, and start getting annoyed. I think the friends notice at that point and then we end up distancing ourselves. Is it the way I let it fester inside me? Some people have told me before that it's a hateful way to process things: to keep everything inside me and not talk it out with people. But like how else am I supposed to go about it? The friends never do anything majorly bad to me, and I struggle to collect my thoughts well enough to express it to them in a sensible way without getting upset in front of them. But also, I feel like 'talking it out' isn't always the solution, sometimes when you do that you just become hateful to each other because of it. Plus what are you supposed to do when your friends aren't the type to talk it out anyway? Like nothing is ever that 'deep' for them.

But I feel like from their pov, I'm like crazy quiet when it gets awkward in a conversation. I clam up in conversations once I start to get annoyed at my friends and I struggle to express it any other way than silence. I never act hostile or rude to them, don't get me wrong though I never take it out on them and tbh I don't think I express dislike towards them; I simply always just clam up kinda dk how else to say it. I think you could argue that I know where my faults lie: not talking it out w sm and letting it fester, but how am I supposed to go about this? I never know how to bring it up without being scared they'll call me out for being too deep, for caring too much, and I fear that I stress one-sidedly about the friendship that only I want to save. My friends also tell me that I am not very expressive about how happy I am, but instead my annoyance or sadness can be spotted easily . How do I change that? How do I act more happy with my friends? Be a bit more intimate with them so they feel like I actually like them?