Crippling Anxiety

So I've been really emotional lately. Like I could cry at the drop of a dime. So I'm listening to some music as one does when they're bored and the song you broke my heart again came on and I started crying, literally bawling my eyes out as soon as I heard it. So it ends and I'm left wondering why tf I'm so sad. Well flashback 2 years ago. I was 13 and I had just gotten a phone the previous Christmas and so my sneaky ass got tiktok and Snapchat behind my parents backs and I would go on omegle to find people I could give my snap to. And I come across this one guys and we exchange snaps and we talk some more. Well, as we're talking he tells me that he is around his friends and his friends take his phone and they start spamming shit and they sent voice clips and shit. And on more than one voice clip they said their friend thinks I'm really cute and shit so I'm like ok. So two days later he asks me out and I said yes. Mind you he lives all the way in Scotland and I'm in NY so we're a long distance relationship and he's 14 so it's not illegal lmao. But he was my first by and I fucking loved him. Like I know I was only 13 but we had future plans and we talked about marriage and shit like this. He even told his parents about me. And everything was good between us, we talked daily and sent selfies to each other and facetimed through snap. But he started getting involved in drugs so we took a break for about a week and I got grounded so we didn't talk for two weeks. Well the first day we talk again I send a pic of myself with my hair down. Mind you this was the first picture I had sent him with my hair down and I was really confident that day. And he straight up says "I went out with that for a month?". So we broke up and I literally cried for days. On the third day of not texting he tells me he's sorry. Apparently he was high on something and he said what he said. Anyways time goes on and my cousin has his snap and they snap daily and he keeps calling her pretty and I'm like bro why bc it had only been maybe a month since we had broken up and he went to my cousin. But I shrug it off. And around the same time I got my phone taken bc my parents found out about snap and tiktok so I didn't have a phone for a year or more. And a couple months ago my cousin tells me he apparently overdosed and lost his memory or some shit and I didn't believe it. Until I facetimed him and he really didn't know who I was. And it broke my heart. So I just recently tried reconnecting with him bc I guess he somewhat gained his memory back and he was being a complete dick to me. So now here I am bawling my eyes out about a guy who called me ugly, forgot about me, and then was an asshole to me again yet I'm still in love with him after 2 fucking years. So I'm gonna go cry some more before my parents wake up and thank you if you genuinely read all of this bullshit. And if you could give me any tips on how to get rid of my feelings for him, I'd appreciate it.

- Cleaning Rag