Loving Someone

You know, loving someone makes me feel like I have a purpose, a purpose to protect, care, work, love them. But the thing is the one that I love doesn't love me back. Even my family don't felt sincere in loving me. For me, it just kinda hurt at the same time happy. Happy because it's always my dream to suicide. Nobody cares about me so why not just kill myself than annoying them, right?

I never had a true (close) friend before, but this year I met someone with whom I really get along well. I feel a strong connection between us and I know around that person I am a bit different but in a good way. I am straight tho, and she even has a boyfriend but sometimes I feel like a want to hug her and be more close to her (protect her and talk to her too), something that never happened before because I'm a cold person. Do you feel like that around a friend of yours, might this be a really strong friendship or...?