What Is It About Feelings

And it's sucking mine rn/j
I js wanna vent.
As much as I love my cat and she's my #1 reason to keep on living, I can't stop thinking about killing myself
I have her sleeping right beside me, her warmth, and her little tiny sounds when she stretches, and breathes make me so calm, but it also makes me feel the guilt you get when you realize even w all this, you still wanna die
I now these thoughts are temporary, they'll eventually go away, and I'll probably continue on living life as if that thought has never crossed my mind
But then I think about how even if I get better, even if I take medicine, even if I go to therapy, depression never really goes away, you can't really cure it forever
I'll live life with the constant thought haunting me in the back of my head, but ig for now I'll settle for taking a nap w my cat again