Confused About My Sexuality

Okay, I’ve classified myself as a “fujoshi” for most of my days of reading bl, and I thought my interest in bl/mlm was becoming fetish-like. I’m between bi and pan rn (never dated so-) and I thought that’s why I always imagine myself as a dude getting it on with another dude. HOWEVER (here’s the kicker) for the first time I clearly thought to myself while looking at a panel of a uke being cute “I wish I had a peen so I could...ya know” etc etc. I mean having one biologically attached to my body. And then everything fell into place:
- I already get misgendered ( because of my deep voice) and baggy clothes combo, but I’ve never really cared, in fact I didn’t dislike or feel off put by it ever
-a lot of days I think “I wish I had a male -like body” but there’s this weird debate in my mind cause I also love my female body as it is.
- but the reason I can’t bring myself to a conclusion is because I feel that I may just have a prolonged liking to bl that spurred these thoughts, rather than me actually being gender fluid.
┗( T﹏T )┛

Times were you feel like your the stupidest insect on earth(￣∇￣")