All questions about losing will to do anything

So I've decided to take a break from mangago after seeing my screen time and how much I've been on mangago because it's honestly embarrassing so will you join me on this journey to getting a life (see you guys tomorrow )

OK what is your unhealthy obsession that's not really unhealthy but you still do/like to much

Which mode u put it on?


Me personally? Hot water turned all 180 degrees with maybe a turn of the cold water nob at 30 degrees, den i use the mode where the water pressure is kinda hard but spread out.

my homeroom teacher had to leave the school at monday the next week due to personal problems. thing is, she only announced this at zoom class. she was... crying while she tried to say her goodbyes to the class. I couldn't say anything, I could only wave back to her. I really, really wanted to cry right there, I wish I could gift her something, tell her that its okay, tell her that her students care for her too but I couldn't do any of that. I was too nervous. the thing that made me more sad was the fact that she couldn't even finish her goodbyes. the zoom class had a time limit so it cutted right at the end when she was saying something. I know this wouldn't have impacted that hard to my other classmates, but thing is, my homeroom teacher was the person who made me feel more confident in myself, talk to others, study more, the one that motivated to draw and write more. It hurts even more when I can't even see her at the end of my graduation in middle school. (I graduate this year.)

I wanted to tell my mom about what i feel because i just played this game where if you listen to this person and about what they feel you would save their life and prevent them from committing suicide by getting them professional help but the only thing i got from that was being reminded how fucked up my grades are and to stop watching depressing videos because that's apparently where i got what i'm feeling from
I love my mom

This happened just now and am currently crying

so im really young to be having thoughts like this but i dont really know if im happy ive thought about suicide but i dont know what would happen when i die. im aware that im an annoying person because everytime i talk and i feel like its unneccessary i say outloud to shut up to myself. i think my family is normal though i cant really say if it was abuse or not but my mom when i was in kindergarten had kinda anger issues. she used to do my hair to school everyday and when i moved and the tie broke she hit me and grabbed me by the hair multiple times. of course tho i remember happy memories like when she was in good humor and blasted music in the morning to drive me to elementary school. my dad says the teachers used to notice if i was hit or not so that makes me believe it was abuse. also i love my dad with all my soul he has never been violent to me or anything like that i just love him a lot that if i lost him i would consider killing myself. in my current situation tho im saying that i dont really know if im happy because i live with my mom and my stepfather. i think my mom is selfish but i dont think im perfect either. i believe she thinks shes the only one that can be depressed because when i tell her about my feeliings she mocks me and says im too young which makes me feel worthless really. with my step dad i dont have the best realtionship tbh, we get along but sometimes i feel hated by both of them because they only excuse my brother on things that when i do the complain. for example i sometimes eat constantly when i feel like shit so when they find out they argue with me, but when my brother takes stuff from the fridge they dont say anything to him. also may seem like a flex but i have really good grades it wasnt always like that tho. when my mom brought it up my stepfather didnt congratulate me only my brother which made feel like trash. my mom also made unnecessary comments like "ur grades are going down" when she tells me she doesnt even care. i think i get sad and mad about it because i think my grades are like my self worth so whenever i get 80 or below i cry and stuff like that. also with the whole covid thing i dont know what to do with it anymore. so on christmas i was with my dad and i didnt get infected or anything but when i spent new yrs at my moms it all went down. each one of the persons there started to get positive results and of course it even got for my step father and my mom. my mom and stepdad always went to parties and that stuff so i dont really know why i felt satysfaction when they got it even though they got it to me too. it was probably because i kept telling my mom not to go bc it was dangerous so when they didnt care and got it i just felt satisfied tbh. also on saturday i recieved the news that my mom has covid due to pneumonia or something like that but tbh idk why i dont feel anything abt it. i just dont feel bad or sad and idk if its because of my situation or bc i lack empathy. ALSO again I dont have the best attitude im not really perfect either way ,im told im really demanding with stuff and that sometimes i should just keep my mouth shut bc i answer too much. this is getting too large so ill giev my last bad memory with my mom. so when i was in 3rd grade my mom left my dad when i was just 1-3 yr old, i remember my dad sleeping all day on weekend which made me believe that he needed someone to spen memories with. on school there was this secretary-teacher perosn (that is now my stepmom) when i was on a private school my dad paid for i used to skip classes to be with her and eventually i introduced her to my dad and they got close so they married. my mom was super upset with me that she hit me on the middle of the street and tried to leave me at an abandoned church all my myself because she told me she wanted to get together with my dad again and that i ruined her plans so she didnt want me anymore. anyways this obvioulsy isnt the end bc theres alot of shit in my life like this but ill end this bc its so large already.

Imagine the services it gets by getting sat on

Okay my bisexual ass has been confused ever since I've tried to embrace my sexuality. But to hell I'm confused a lot.
I stare at my ceiling often, wondering which side am I actually on and then I go about the next day thinking that I'm probably lying to myself, what if I'm this and that. I keep saying it's okay to be confused and all that but I can't stop.

Holy fuck, I'm so confused what am I doing with life. The internet says that it's better to be attracted to one gender but I know that's not it. I feel a bit of pressure on my back thinking why am I attracted to both. There's this fucking asshole on my head that keeps saying "You know you can't do that. It's going to be too much for you and you're going to end up very confused if you are attracted to both."
I want to smack that little shit but what if it's true...
I don't know what to do. If I'm aware that being attracted to not one gender is ok, then what else am I still confused about? Is it that I don't trust myself enough with these thoughts?





Um I'm kinda sorry I'm spouting this here. I did see some answers on the net but I can't help but let things out