okay so i have this thing for a guy at my school and i have talked ab it at home to my brother in the living room thinking nothing of it and today like less than a hr ago i was snapping the guy and my brother said “oh did yk mom texted his mom on facebook saying you talk ab him a lot or sum like that” and i was GAGGED because like wtf shes weird for that and he told me his FRIENDS WENT UP TO HIM AT SCHOOL and was questioning him ab it and im geeking out rn because its so weird and embarrassing i have so many classes w him and i have exams bro someone kill me .
And all people could say is "leave him" i physically and mentally cannot do it. I'm afraid that if i leave, he would hurt himself or me. I still love him despite what he does to me because deep down i know he's a good person. He's going through alot of shit right now with his family and his job. When you’re in an abusive relationship, you’re not staying because you’re stupid or weak. You’re staying because you still love them, because you remember who they were at the start, because you keep clinging to the version of them that only comes out sometimes. And those “sometimes” feel like proof. Proof that they can change. Proof that it wasn’t all a lie.
You start blaming yourself instead. Maybe if I’m more patient. Maybe if I say it better. Maybe if I love harder. You convince yourself their pain explains their behavior, that if you just stick it out long enough, you’ll be rewarded with the person you know they could be. Leaving feels like giving up. It feels like admitting all that suffering was for nothing. It feels like betraying someone you still care about, even when they’re the one hurting you.
And fear keeps you stuck too. Fear that no one else will love you the same. Fear that you’ll miss them more than they ever missed you. Fear that you’ll walk away and they’ll finally change for someone else. So you stay. You hope. You wait. You make excuses. You survive day by day, telling yourself tomorrow will be different. It’s so hard to explain what it’s like when you know something is hurting you, when every part of you understands that you should leave, but your heart refuses to let go. People think love is simple, that once someone hurts you enough you’ll just walk away, but it doesn’t work like that. You still love them. You still remember who they were when they were gentle, when they promised things would change, when they made you feel seen. And that hope sticks to you like a second skin. You tell yourself maybe this time will be different, maybe they’ll finally understand, maybe the person you fell in love with is still in there somewhere. I know I should leave. I tell myself that every day. I feel it in my chest when things get bad, when the words hurt more than they should, when I shrink just to keep the peace. I want out. I want quiet. I want to feel safe again. But then love gets in the way, and it’s cruel like that. I still love you, and that love keeps whispering lies. I just can't. I hate that I can see the damage clearly and still can’t move my feet. It’s not that I don’t know better. It’s that my heart hasn’t caught up to my mind. I’m stuck between wanting to save myself and wanting to save him, and every time I choose him, I lose a little more of me. I’m tired of hoping. I’m tired of loving someone who hurts me. And yet here I am, wanting to leave, needing to leave, but feeling like if I do, I’ll be ripping out a part of myself too. I love him so much that I can’t leave, and that’s the part that hurts the most. I know what this is doing to me. I feel it every time my chest tightens, every time I rehearse what I’ll say so I don’t upset him, every time I promise myself this will be the last time. I want to go. I really do. I imagine a version of myself who walks away, who chooses peace, who doesn’t flinch at love. But when it comes down to it, I’m still here, holding onto the person who hurts me because I also remember the person who made me feel safe, wanted, seen.
You start blaming yourself instead. Maybe if I’m more patient. Maybe if I say it better. Maybe if I love harder. You convince yourself their pain explains their behavior, that if you just stick it out long enough, you’ll be rewarded with the person you know they could be. Leaving feels like giving up. It feels like admitting all that suffering was for nothing. It feels like betraying someone you still care about, even when they’re the one hurting you.
And fear keeps you stuck too. Fear that no one else will love you the same. Fear that you’ll miss them more than they ever missed you. Fear that you’ll walk away and they’ll finally change for someone else. So you stay. You hope. You wait. You make excuses. You survive day by day, telling yourself tomorrow will be different. It’s so hard to explain what it’s like when you know something is hurting you, when every part of you understands that you should leave, but your heart refuses to let go. People think love is simple, that once someone hurts you enough you’ll just walk away, but it doesn’t work like that. You still love them. You still remember who they were when they were gentle, when they promised things would change, when they made you feel seen. And that hope sticks to you like a second skin. You tell yourself maybe this time will be different, maybe they’ll finally understand, maybe the person you fell in love with is still in there somewhere. I know I should leave. I tell myself that every day. I feel it in my chest when things get bad, when the words hurt more than they should, when I shrink just to keep the peace. I want out. I want quiet. I want to feel safe again. But then love gets in the way, and it’s cruel like that. I still love you, and that love keeps whispering lies. I just can't. I hate that I can see the damage clearly and still can’t move my feet. It’s not that I don’t know better. It’s that my heart hasn’t caught up to my mind. I’m stuck between wanting to save myself and wanting to save him, and every time I choose him, I lose a little more of me. I’m tired of hoping. I’m tired of loving someone who hurts me. And yet here I am, wanting to leave, needing to leave, but feeling like if I do, I’ll be ripping out a part of myself too. I love him so much that I can’t leave, and that’s the part that hurts the most. I know what this is doing to me. I feel it every time my chest tightens, every time I rehearse what I’ll say so I don’t upset him, every time I promise myself this will be the last time. I want to go. I really do. I imagine a version of myself who walks away, who chooses peace, who doesn’t flinch at love. But when it comes down to it, I’m still here, holding onto the person who hurts me because I also remember the person who made me feel safe, wanted, seen.
Really need help it feels like my head is crack open because of how much it hurt and omg i really wanna puke how tf do i get rid of tthis
I'm curious about the worst yaoi you've ever read. One that still made you hate and detest the characters.
For me, "Hogu Hagyeongsu" was a nightmare when I was younger. it's one of the first dark ones I encountered (I couldn't finish it back then, I still haven't, even though there is much darker ones out there that I've somehow managed to read )
What's yours?
For me, "Hogu Hagyeongsu" was a nightmare when I was younger. it's one of the first dark ones I encountered (I couldn't finish it back then, I still haven't, even though there is much darker ones out there that I've somehow managed to read )
What's yours?
hi i like to write and im kinda sick of forcing my friends to read or just absorb my oc stuff or fics soo i wanted to know if any of you had any advice or other things i could do...because honestly i love writing but the only thing that motivates me is seeing someone actively engage with it (i think its the adhd and the whole dopamine thingamajiggy) because else i just abandon my work really easily.
I can never remember how my biological father looked. I had never met him and would never want to meet him after the forced marriages, the beating of my sisters and my bio mom.
He was a rapist and a pedophile.
But I never knew his face. My older sister remembers but I don't, I was too young ig.
But I don't look too similar to my older sisters. I got asked if I was adopted, which I was but me and my sisters were fully related and adopted by our mum who is biologically our material grandmother.
I don't look like my sisters and I don't have a close resemblance to my biological mother the way my sisters do. I worry I hold his face. The face of a rapist. I wonder maybe it was because of that face I could never be loved and cared for by my bio mother.
Do I hold the face of a rapist, is that why I was left on my mothers doorstep, the reason she couldn't bond with me. The reason she had neglected me even when he had gone.
But even then. Did she have the right to beat my sisters when they were only but babies themselves. To be a child conceived out of pain and rape is something I can only now realise and try and come to terms with.
My half siblings were born out of love and want. And I was just promised goods to be sold in iran.
He was a rapist and a pedophile.
But I never knew his face. My older sister remembers but I don't, I was too young ig.
But I don't look too similar to my older sisters. I got asked if I was adopted, which I was but me and my sisters were fully related and adopted by our mum who is biologically our material grandmother.
I don't look like my sisters and I don't have a close resemblance to my biological mother the way my sisters do. I worry I hold his face. The face of a rapist. I wonder maybe it was because of that face I could never be loved and cared for by my bio mother.
Do I hold the face of a rapist, is that why I was left on my mothers doorstep, the reason she couldn't bond with me. The reason she had neglected me even when he had gone.
But even then. Did she have the right to beat my sisters when they were only but babies themselves. To be a child conceived out of pain and rape is something I can only now realise and try and come to terms with.
My half siblings were born out of love and want. And I was just promised goods to be sold in iran.
I watched it yesterday and oh my slag it’s was fucking amazing
Why the heck is sketch so long its been 2and a half years since I stared reading and its still not even completed yet.....also why is there not a rape tag on that pearl boy spin off....also don't tell my mom but it was me who broke the blender cup and not the cat he just happened to be there as I was panicking and trying to thing of an excuse or smth...also I feel like they're gonna make a romcom about an ICE agent whos like stuck up and has no time for love and he's only interested in his job and he falls inlove with this poor immigrant girl who's working two jobs to take care of her family back home and he's doing an investigation in the area so he's seeing her a lot and they're getting to know each other little by little and the main conflict would be when he detains her and has to deport her and just as she's about the get on that airplane he realizes that he's inlove with her and she leaves the country and juts at the end there's just a clip of him quitting his job and moving to her home country to find her and then he does and they get married and the movie ends......
How did you slowly let your parents know that you read yaoi (not very child appropriate things) or did you just never speak about it till your older
mine is when i mistaken my friend for another girl which has the same name as her,, i literally commented on one of their post (the comment i made is something so embarassing i dont even wanna talk abt smh) hehe
whats yours
whats yours
I just completely forgot about these-
Like i was reading something then you know when you get to the end of the latest update in a chapter? Yeah well i clicked on some of those recommended manga's and i saw that i already had it in my list like... Wtf... I forgot about this...
SO MANY THINGS ARE COLLECTING DUST IN MY WANT TO READ LIST RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT
I am so sorry manga/hua/hwa's please forgive me as i have a bad memory :')
Like i was reading something then you know when you get to the end of the latest update in a chapter? Yeah well i clicked on some of those recommended manga's and i saw that i already had it in my list like... Wtf... I forgot about this...
SO MANY THINGS ARE COLLECTING DUST IN MY WANT TO READ LIST RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT
I am so sorry manga/hua/hwa's please forgive me as i have a bad memory :')
If there's anything you wanna share, anything on your mind, anything weighting down on you, whether you're looking for an answer to something, advice or just want to vent about it, leave it here. I'm hoping people will also answer to it cause sometimes even a message or a thought from a stranger can help a lot. No judging whatsoever, this is a mental health checkpoint so...
How are yall feeling lately?
(I'll also be putting mine in the answers)
How are yall feeling lately?
(I'll also be putting mine in the answers)
"I find it very sad that saying 'I have a boyfriend' is the most effective way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you you simply saying 'no'."
You have 10 seconds to explain yourself or I’m literally going to end your whole career <3 (we found the evidence babe, don’t lie or else I’ll just enjoy it more)
Here’s ur chance to let it all out and relax
No rlly I found out a lot today and I feel like y’all need a break so here ya go :D
No rlly I found out a lot today and I feel like y’all need a break so here ya go :D
my uid 60378839 smirks im world lvl 8 though
ill join yours if ur lower level...
im so bored rn in genshin
ill join yours if ur lower level...
im so bored rn in genshin
It hurts so bad. My mom's lecturing me screaming at me about how less I do. But I'm trying my best. I'm sorry that I'm not enough, I'm sorry that I'm not like you. I'm sorry that I'm not enough, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry. I don't want to stay here anymore. I want to break something, I want to hurt I just want to leave. I have to be respectful and polite and studious and smart and good but I'm done. I feel broken. I want to scream.
My throat feels tight.
My eyed burn my heart hurts.
I want to leave but I can't, I'm scared I'm still thinking about her.
She doesn't know the stress, she's a drop out. She never did the exams.
I'm trying to deal, why can't we talk? Why do you always scream? How do you expect me to open up? Of course I'm gonna stay silent, why would I answer if all you're gonna do is scream?
Why do you rub my head one day and curse me the next?
Why can't you fucking understand?
How do you hurt so easily when it hurts me to hurt you?
Are you the reason I hurt myself? The reason I'd do it again?
I don't want you to hate me but your love is painful. I don't want to hate you but loving you hurts.
Why was I labelled smart? If not would you have had less expectations?
My throat feels tight.
My eyed burn my heart hurts.
I want to leave but I can't, I'm scared I'm still thinking about her.
She doesn't know the stress, she's a drop out. She never did the exams.
I'm trying to deal, why can't we talk? Why do you always scream? How do you expect me to open up? Of course I'm gonna stay silent, why would I answer if all you're gonna do is scream?
Why do you rub my head one day and curse me the next?
Why can't you fucking understand?
How do you hurt so easily when it hurts me to hurt you?
Are you the reason I hurt myself? The reason I'd do it again?
I don't want you to hate me but your love is painful. I don't want to hate you but loving you hurts.
Why was I labelled smart? If not would you have had less expectations?
10th photo naughty ( in bed
6th photo nice ( in bed
Good luck ¯_(ツ)_/¯
6th photo nice ( in bed
Good luck ¯_(ツ)_/¯