Life Changing Stuff

I've been reading BL and Yaoi for some time now and this still bothers me.
It's not rare for couples to have struggles, fights and to get upset over things. That's completely normal, but I realized that in a lot of BL manga, that when the seme gets mad, he decides to have s€x with the uke instead of talking it out first? It wouldn't bother me that much if it was romantic at least, but I've seen a lot of scenes where the s€x is forced (uke saying/screaming "no" or saying he doesn't want this). It's not that ALL stories have this, but I still see this a lot and it always makes me feel uneasy and it's always hard to forget. I mean, s€x as punishment? I get that you're hurt but forcefully and violently having s€x with your partner is not the solution... to me this counts as r*pe, too, especially when the uke repeatedly says he doesn't want this. I don't get why this hasn't died down. "You made me jealous, so I will have s€x with you as punishment even if you don't want it which is basically rape then"
I just don't get why this is a thing among some artists... r*ping your own partner? Imagine getting r*ped by the person you love. I'm sorry if I sounded overdramatic in some points but I just had some bad experiences and such scenes hit really close. It really upsets me since I enjoy reading BL and romance in general but scenes like these just take all the joy and excitement that I used to have away from me. I'm sorry if there's some typos or bad grammar! :(
Have a nice day