Can't
: I read the novel first, I'm not really a fan of Song yan's character. But he was not a total trash, in his first life he witnessed his so called first love being suicidal, I forgot his name... I'll just refer to him as A, A was suicidal and his life was hitting rock bottom, song yan was the first person to save A, making A very dependent on him... Ultimately, Song yan also felt deeply responsible for making A dependent and kept stopping him from taking his own life. Rather than love, he was too guilty to let go of A. He did eventually come to love A genuinely, I think, but mostly because A needed him.
A then supposedly died and Song Yan became so guilty that tried to take his own life to follow A as a repentance. But Xia lin stopped him by confessing to him, Song Yan then stopped being suicidal because of Xia lin. Their relationship eventually develop into something more, but he couldn't bring himself to say "I Love you" to xia lin, he couldn't be gentle out of guilt and kept having nightmares of A cursing him for being alive... The more happiness he gained from his relationship with Xia lin the worst the nightmares got and the more guilt he got.
This is the turning point of his character, which made him despicable. The moment he finds out A was alive, he took out his frustration on Xia Lin alone. He got used to taking Xia Lin for granted, he got used to treating Xia Lin so cruelly. Everything can be justified...his first love, his past actions and his current life. But what can't be justified is how he became cruel to Xia lin out of habit. Every time he was cold to Xia Lin he got a relief from the guilt and nightmares he was having. ultimately, Treating Xia lin cruelly was his only way of feeling better.
He choose to hurt Xia lin, so that he could feel good about himself.
Feeds
A then supposedly died and Song Yan became so guilty that tried to take his own life to follow A as a repentance. But Xia lin stopped him by confessing to him, Song Yan then stopped being suicidal because of Xia lin. Their relationship eventually develop into something more, but he couldn't bring himself to say "I Love you" to xia lin, he couldn't be gentle out of guilt and kept having nightmares of A cursing him for being alive... The more happiness he gained from his relationship with Xia lin the worst the nightmares got and the more guilt he got.
This is the turning point of his character, which made him despicable. The moment he finds out A was alive, he took out his frustration on Xia Lin alone. He got used to taking Xia Lin for granted, he got used to treating Xia Lin so cruelly. Everything can be justified...his first love, his past actions and his current life. But what can't be justified is how he became cruel to Xia lin out of habit. Every time he was cold to Xia Lin he got a relief from the guilt and nightmares he was having. ultimately, Treating Xia lin cruelly was his only way of feeling better.
He choose to hurt Xia lin, so that he could feel good about himself.