Bike's manga / #bl(72)

Read to volume 2? Writer x editor iirc

I *really* liked this one. It's a crossdressing scenario between two dudes, Matsuoka (MC) and Hirosue (ML), that ends up invoking the worst out of two people. The MC is a fool for leading the ML on for so long, too "kind" to shut him down. He is also a fool for expecting the man to overlook appearances, to overlook the lie that was told. But then the ML is similarly foolish. Beyond the point of cut-off, he prolongs the wounds they've inflicted onto each other, wielding the MC's feelings like a bullet, to shoot at any moment's notice. Towards the MC, he is callous, trampling onto his feelings. And yet, he acts contradictory---distant to his girlfriend, an underlying unhappiness. He remains harboring feelings for his "lady." You take a look at these two and see how deeply their love has been imprinted onto each other. They fell for each other because of the other's display of kindness, but because it was construed over a lie, they end up questioning the other's feelings, they want to run away from their own, both of theirs stubbornly remaining despite the pain it's caused for them. It's a love story where they fall in love quickly, but that's only one half of the equation. Beyond that, it's the navigation of ruminated feelings, wanting to move on but finding that they can't. It's a good case study that highlights how irrational love can be. I think it's realistically rendered, with of course still being dramatic and frustrating. But I love that in a series. I loved that they both groveled for the other person. Also the first time I've really seen an MC significantly change appearance between novels. Perhaps one of the few times in BL where I see a female character with a compelling relationship with both male characters, and yet is still treated as a likeable character (the two male characters come out as worse, in fact). Wished the ending was more conclusive, though? Side note: I appreciate how kindly they treated the ladies in this equation, because none of that hot mess was their fault. The treatment of the female character reminds me of Faded First Love. The way these two (unfortunately?) hold onto each other reminds me a little of the bit I've read of Usagi no Mori.