lilithespark's manga / #realistic(4)

There's a particular scene that I really like in this manga, and it occurs near the start of chapter 5. The MC (Kyouichi) and the ML (Imagase) are getting frisky, so Imagase pushes him down onto the floor, kissing him. They happen to land in front of a mirror, and when Kyouichi looks to the side, he sees his image. His image— of a man being pressed down by another man. In a bout of panic, he shoves Imagase off of him in order to "preserve" the remainder of his "manliness." One could also argue that he simply did that as he was frightened (which he himself states in his thoughts). A good point someone brought up about both this manga and its sequel is that the two leads are unreliable narrators. One is not in the right state of mind and the other struggles with his feelings for Imagase as a "straight man." The story may seem all wonky, but from a narrative perspective, it sort of makes sense because their relationship is just as difficult to describe fully. This shock factor "woke" me up just as much as it did him. It was a really jarring scene, but it worked splendidly well with contributing to the general tone of the story. It's much on the "mature" side." Has a lot of angst and not your typical fairytale romance. Their push and pull thing wasn't my most favorite in the world. Even in its continuation, it remains persistent. They're together one day, they argue, break up, chase after each other, have a hot make-out session, then it starts over. Of course, it's not actually like that to a T, but you get my point. Did not like it all that much (as one can see, i abhor chasing scenes in romance. cliché, overused, hardly any substance). They cheat on their respective lovers with the other, hurt people…. I must say I still cannot comprehend how they can commit adultery so… how do I say it? Easily? No, repeatedly. They hurt the people around them, and they hurt each other, too. The conflict is internal, but it manifests first as external, almost always in the form of a woman. This woman is a temptation. She is the luminous white hand that leads you out of the depths of hell. I wouldn't say it's untrue to compare this hell to "homosexuality." This is especially the case for Kyouichi who actively conforms to the front of a nice man (and of course, nice men are never gay, nor do they fool around with men). The ending left a rather bad taste in my mouth. The MC runs after Imagase and cheats on his current girlfriend once again. They do the deed. I reread that part again to be able to describe it better, and I noticed the significance of a certain action. While they're having sex, again Kyouichi looks at his reflection as Imagase goes down on him basically. His eyes are hazy, and guess what Imagase does? He covers his eyes as if acknowledging Kyouichi's internal thoughts. Maybe as if saying: "You're right. An act like this… A man being with another man is disconcerting, appalling even. But ignore that. Close your eyes, and submerge yourself in this heated darkness alongside me." Kyouichi proceeds to ignore the incoming phone call from his girlfriend, Natsuki, too. A rather befitting ending, don't you think? Anyway, this turned into an analysis for some reason. Sry abt that but this story rly is just so complex. the writing was astronomical. def a memorable read