imcrazybutimfree's manga / #webtoon(18)

Really the best day of all

This manhwa had a little bit of angst and made me feel uncertain a few times, but honestly looking back at it all now it just feels so realistic it hurts. This is actually how relationships work: serious discussions and daily bickering, jealousy, possessiveness and misunderstandings over trivial matters. I couldn’t even blame Jiho for acting like he did, because he didn’t really do anything wrong to begin with. First of all, he’s SAVAGE. Moreover, even tho I’ve never found myself in the situation of having to choose between 2 guys, I totally get his reasoning and I don’t think “experimenting” kissing with the producer was actually that much of a bitchy thing to do. Jiho told producer Lee he might have chosen him if he had met him earlier, but Lee was just too different from Woohyuk. Jiho wasn’t aware of it, but he actually fell in love with Woohyuk (or at least with his look) at first sight, while he wouldn’t have even considered making out with Lee if the producer himself hadn’t proposed it to make Jiho forget about Woohyuk in the first place! The development of Lee and Jiho’s relationship was definitely due to Woohyuk’s confusing behaviour and the breakup with Jiho. I don’t find it strange that Jiho liked to receive love and attention from both of them, since it’s pretty obvious throughout the whole manhwa that he is kind of a narcissist who tries to hide his inferiority complex with vanity. Therefore, he felt important when two handsome guys starting flirting with him. But he always chose Woohyeok anyway, and producer Lee never really stood a chance against him, and not because Jiho feelings towards Woohyeok were out of pity and compassion, as Jiho actually says on the phone when he decides to cut ties with Lee, but because he just fell fucking in love with Woohyeok and love is not rational. He wasn’t in love with producer Lee. Y’know when you think “I’d really like to be in love with that person because I think I’ll be happy with him”? That’s what Jiho’s feelings towards Lee are: he feels safe and comfortable because he can talk about his problems and insecurities and he also feels some kind of attraction. But there’s not love. And fairly enough he wouldn’t have been happy anyway with him, because one of the latest chapters showed that producer Lee’s first love was Jiho’s copycat, so, if Jiho had chosen Lee, he would have probably lived in a lie while being just a rebound! On the other side, Jiho argues with Woohyeok, he’s jealous of his lucky life and talent, he’s possessive and feels like he’s not enough to be with him, but this rush of sentiments was born exactly because he was actually in love and he did actually care the most about him, but his pride was so strong that he almost ruined everything and lost Woohyeok for good. Fortunately Woohyeok was not prideful at all, just kinda possessive and sensitive, so he made the first move when they met again. Then they managed to get their happy ending and live like most couples do in real life: arguing but loving each other’s and growing up together through highs and lows. Good plot overall!

I honestly don’t know why this is not as famous as others BLs out there. Perhaps for the lack of sex scenes? Honestly, I didn’t even realise it and I didn’t even care. The plot line was just immaculate as it was without any additional scene or detail or change. When the story developed from a simple body exchange between the MCs to a whole reincarnation AU with aboriginal background I LOST MY MIND!!! I’M A SUCKER FOR REINCARNATION AU and this was sooo original and well portrayed, with no angst and toxicity in the MCs’ relationship, but just growth. I honestly wish such things as fate and destiny and soulmates and reincarnation were real (T—T) then life would probably be meaningful.

Okay uhm I needed 20 hours to metabolise the ending and all the suffering this amazing story made me go through. It’s painful because the author used the comic as a filter to depict real life. “Maybe we’re all one-time extra characters”, said Danoh in the last chapter while floating alone in complete darkness. Danoh, Dohwa, Haru, Baek Kyung and the Fairy had not complete freedom to live as they wanted too, but at the same time discovering what the ending of the story would lead them too (darkness and void filled only by comforting but painfully nostalgic memories) persuaded them to live every little moment to the fullest, which is one of the main life advices sages have been giving for thousands of years. In the world of comics, just like irl, reincarnation can be both a condemnation or a blessing: Haru and Danoh were lucky enough to find each other again at the very first try, but what about the next one? What if they never met again after that story that made them main characters? This whole story seems to be revolving around one of the most heart-wrenching dynamic of all: THE IMPOSSIBILE AND EXCRUCIATING LOVE OF SOULMATES AS STAR CROSSED LOVERS. Dohwa’s story break my heart. When I saw him fall off the roof my heart broke in a million pieces, because that was not his concept or a decision the author made for him: he decided spontaneously to put the word end to his life and obliterate his awareness, because he was suffering too much and couldn’t find the willpower to be as courageous and optimist as Danoh and Haru were. I wish the author wrote a spin-off about him and Baek Kyung, who ended up alone: one with no memories or awareness (Dohwa), the other in absolute solitude with not comforting but only painful memories of a happy ending he hadn't been able to reach (Baek Kyung). In conclusion, this is a melancholic and bittersweet masterpiece about this fucked up journey — our life.

There is consensual sex and a healthy smexy relationship that’s not all about sex. There is communication, understanding of each other’s wishes, and amazing practices of affection that isn’t just sex. Their intimacy is great.