blue's manga / #trauma(24)

words certainly can't describe how i feel. at first, i couldn't take this manga seriously because the art style for the first thirty or so chapters, their lips made me giggle and i couldn't stay focused on the characters. but the author did incredible as the art changed and the details become more beautiful i found myself focusing more and more on the story. this manga... i honestly don't know what to type i didn't think it would be so beautiful yet so tragic, the way each character connects broke my heart. i loved how the use of music brought them together. i personally listen to jazz music so i appreciated the use of different songs and the specific lyrics used. music is my escape from this world i hate so much and the reality that constantly haunts me. the way the two grew so close and created a beautiful relationship made me smile as i scrolled through each panel, the history revolving around taeyi's brother and seheon's father i think is what made this piece so beautiful. each couple was remarkable and the details changing as they grew made me proud. i cant say after reading this i'm happy but can't say i'm sad either, i'm just numb. but not in a bad way, it's just hard for me to understand how i feel because during it i fell in love with taeyi and seheon's story and i don't want to let go. i feel in love with their pain, with their happiness, the use of jazz, it wasn't just a genre but a part of who they are. this manga was truly original and i do hope that if their story continued it would stay truly beautiful.

i’m not even kidding i will lose my shit if the seme is using him. dating him and sleeping with him all for personal gain. it’s bad enough he still thinks you may hurt him but i feel anxious and on edge. i will never understand bullying someone simply because they don’t look like you or because they act differently than you. i will never understand what’s to gain from tearing someone down. great now i’m more made why does he keep his eyes covered?! man i don’t find this seme trustworthy whatsoever. okay, i finished. i’m happy the seme redeemed himself and made sure the uke was comfortable. i can’t believe the author had them saying such weird and provocative words, some sentences i had to double-check i read them right. anyways the story was really good. i feel like the two are a bit too infatuated with each other. i understand they care deep love for one and other but it’s almost too much in a way. like controlling or something. well, anyway this was great.

at firsts, i hated the seme i mean wanted to kill him. the uke is being abused at home and all he does is add to it. but then character development happened and he becomes a complete and total simp for the one he saved and loved. this story was really good and i hope the seme’s dad will accept the uke. if the story continued i just don’t see them splitting up. it’s sad that they found each other because of the pain they faced and that their awful experience is what kept them close but at the same time it made a great story. both of their lives changed for the better and even, in the end, the seme has remorse for his trifling acts. the story was sad but also beautiful. i think the author did an incredible job i just wish there was more. i would have liked to know what the uke’s major is and see them when they are older.

i am trying so hard to read this but all i can think about is killing stalking. ugh, i guess it’s the art style. also, why is this giving me so much second-hand embarrassment! the nipples have me cackling. this isn't easy to read at all, every time i see his scars it makes my heart stop and i look at my own. i feel like picking the blade up again, the more i read this the more the pain i've pushed down is starting to come back. if you are suffering from depression or have suicidal thoughts please read this with caution!!! usually, i can read pretty fast but this one is not easy at all, i keep having to shut my computer and taking a deep breath. i feel my heart racing and i feel empty. just be safe and don't self-harm as much as you may want to please stay strong, we've all made it this far by fighting, don't lose your battle. i finished. it took a while but it was worth it, this story is unlike any BL that ive read and i appreciate it so much. the ending did not disappoint i found the overall story realistic and the ending was good. i appreciate the author for acknowledging that just because they found each other the dark days won't go away. this gave me joy, i smiled, i laughed, i cried, i paused and looked at myself. i feel reassured that i might think my life is meaningless but someone around me may not. i realized that its okay to feel pain for a long time because hopefully one day my life will be filled with more light than darkness.

just to make clear killing stalking is not a yaoi/bl it is a psychological thriller. this messed up my mind. why did that wife's husband that was another victim have such similar wounds we saw as sangwoo when he was rescued? does bum die by being hit by a car? he's so messed up mentally im not sure he could ever recover or live a life without abuse. sangwoo and bum did make a promise to both die, perhaps a tragic ending like this is the best option. its been weeks i'm still traumatized.

season one was emotionally damaging and brought up a lot of forgotten memories i had from my past. it was scary the thoughts it gave me. the mother no in my eyes shes not a mother because a mother cares for her children and loves them, skyler just has a woman who gave birth to him and hates him. season one was a never-ending tragedy and some parts made me sick to my stomach. i loved it when the title of the manga was explained, but it also made me sad, their story is tragic but oh so beautiful at the same time. i'm on chapter 38 so season two and it's crazy how much skyler has already grown and developed since discovering the truth, discovering all the pain he's caused and that yeonduk was always there. the thing skyler said about yeonduck not ruining his life but him ruining yeons really has been lingering in my mind. although the things skyler did was nearly unforgivable and in honesty he caused yeon nothing but the pain he doesn't deserve completely forgiveness. but at the same time yeonduk doesn't think the same way because in this 10 years of lost friendship he always stayed by skylers sides loving him, he doesn't hate you he deep down knows what you did was wrong but he's never judged you on it since he's always kept hold of the happy memories. skyler has grown so much he needs to understand it's not too late but it also won't be anywhere near easy to get yeonduk to understand your feelings, after how he was treated he probably never thought there would be the slightest chance of you loving him. wow my mans really took a shot in chapter 39... final update: i finished and i don’t know why but i feel sad. skyler was abandoned and left with no family. will he be with his siblings again one day. will they sit together drinking coffee and smiling. will his mother kill herself one day or will she continue to live as if he never existed. it makes me feel sick and empty. i wish there was more. i need to read where skyler and yeonduk are happy together, living together, going to college together, and what’s beyond that. what happened after this. what happened after the ending. this manga was beautiful the art style was my favorite type and the plot it felt like it was the realest. that it wasn’t made up and it wasn’t an easy love story. they didn’t go over bumps they went over mountains to get to one and other. i hope if the story continued skyler would do nothing but smile and be happy while yeonduk would hold him close.

i enjoyed this manga but the author did a lot of different things at the same time and at some points i had to reread to understand. i read "love is an allusion" before "if you hate me so" which i found funny when seeing their relationship develop differently. i decided to read this manga again and i just finished chapter 10 and i feel sick to my stomach. i remember that latter on it gets better and he learns from his wrong doings but still, this just doesn't sit right with me. it still feels rushed and it's hard to keep track of everything going on, all of the boys seem to have some sort of issue and don't know how to properly express themselves.

this was a 9/10. the poor uke really went through too much trauma. ugh, i was hoping for revenge. this might be incest but i enjoyed every moment.

the first story was upsetting. we all deal with regret differently. how we face our feeling is always different. do you deserve pain because of your past choices? how you face your regret shows how much pain you’re in. it shows that you think your life has less value and it’s okay for people to hurt you. to want abuse because you hope to feel is the worst. it’s something that’s almost like an addiction, without it you feel self hatred but with it you’re hurting yourself even more. the second story was less deep and just loving.