otakulys's manga / #unhealthy relationship(14)

Eh? That escalated quickly. Way too short, and pretty weird. Was that dark humor, with her casually being like, you idiot, now I'm gonna die? Or was it just an awkward point of dialogue? Either way, it was too short and abrupt to leave much of an impression.

Ugh, poor Momo. So fucked up. He went through SO much. This is just another chapter of that. I'm so glad that in Yatamomo we finally got to see the moment where he stops the facade and lets himself cry, truly mourn the awful things he's experienced. Also, his mom is horrible, but I like the concept of her. I would have liked to have seen more of her, like her own spinoff of her life and what not. Harada is pretty amazing in a lot of ways, and one of those ways is that her female characters are always just as interesting and often just as fucked up. Not super common for yaoi.

Said this in the comments, but basically: I can actually relate to the uke, but in a less extreme sense. I don't do it anymore, but as a little girl, I used to set up situations in order to make myself feel unloved and unwanted. I'm not sure when it started, but I guess it was a form of masochism born from my need to cope with being ripped away from my loving mother and raised with mean children and crappy babysitters because my dad would rather my mom suffer than his daughter be happy and healthy. Basically, it's the sense that if someone supposedly loves or cares about you, some part of you has to prove it isn't true. It isn't that you actually like it. It's more of a compulsion. I don't know why I did it. Maybe to prove to myself that I was incapable of being loved. If someone claimed to care about me, I was much more likely to lash out at them or hurt them. Granted, I moved past that by high school, and I was never cruel to anyone but myself. I just understand where that comes from. I don't know, it's dumb, but this manga really got to me because of that. The uke doesn't want to be vulnerable, so he acts like a dick. He's testing this guy, but pretending it's because he doesn't care. That way he won't get hurt. But secretly, he wants the guy to keep passing the tests. Not-so-secretly by the end, hence the tears. It made me cry, too. I know a lot of people are hating on the character, but I think it's clear he's just a damaged person. Doesn't mean the seme should just tolerate the abuse, but I'd like to imagine a future with them working through all of this together. Maybe they can even be friends with the other kid? I like that it's open but it's still so sad. I wish there'd been more here. You don't see this kind of personality explored often. I wish it were easier to explain, that sheer contradiction of wanting to prove that no one can truly love you and desperately, DESPERATELY wishing that you're wrong.

I mean, I've seen waaaay worse, but it was just kind of confusing and boring. Maybe it's because I haven't watched the show or whatever. I just don't like amputee kinks and that weird caregiver, infantile trope. It gives me the creeps.