Zanuff the Butcher
Holy crap, I started reading it because I thought it was funny that the art was all cutesy but it was listed as horror. I absolutely did not expect to be ugly-crying by the end. So sad! And touching. Twisted, for sure, but heart-wrenching. I'm glad I read it. Not what I thought it would be at all.
Smells Like Green Spirit
UGH. GOD, MY HEART. My face hurts from crying. I wanted so badly for them to be best friends forever. Regardless of what Kirino chose. The fact that they never saw each other again kills me. So heartbreaking. But their friendship was so beautiful and important. I'm glad they had it at all. Man, this manga was brilliant and tragic. You never see yaoi that really tackles the challenges of being gay in Japan, or just in general. It comes with so much baggage, navigating the good and bad, deciding whether or not to live a lie. This story really explores all of the outcomes based on different decisions and circumstances. My heart hurt so much by the end, knowing that not all of them would have the happy endings they deserved, but this was so well done, and so unusual. Typically, realistic seems to mean everyone dies or something, which honestly isn't realistic at all. It isn't all misery and despair. There are moments of hope, and moments of sadness. It may not have been perfect, but there's always more living to do. And it's never too late, really. Let's hope Kirino eventually finds the life that's right for him. Another thing I loved was the emphasis on friendship. It's so rare to have two gay male characters (though Kirino may have been transgender) without the two of them having romantic or sexual feelings for one another in yaoi. I really appreciated that they just loved each other platonically. They were best friends, which is very important, and romance didn't enter into that. It feels like we're so often told that romantic love is the most important, but I don't think that was the case here at all. Familial love, the love that comes with friendship, even self love. They're all so critical to happiness. "I'm sure there'll be a lot of people there... like us." That line broke my heart knowing that Kirino chooses to deny himself. It also hurts just knowing how isolated and scary it is for them, being gay, in such a small and homophobic community. The fact that they loved one another so much and were best friends like that... it just breaks my heart. The choices they made meant they couldn't be together, and that wasn't fair. That they'd even have to make those choices, to live the truth or to live a lie. They helped one another survive, and they never got to see each other again. Despite how much this manga killed me, I'm glad I read it. It really was beautiful, despite being so sad. I wish there'd been a more hopeful ending, but I enjoyed the good times when they were there. I'd love to read more just like this, only with them all being happy together in the end.
Kodomo no Kamisama
I shouldn't have read this when I'm sick and sleep deprived. It would have hit me hard anyway, but it was particularly brutal now. So sad, but very sweet. I cried really hard, and I'm still kind of crying. Honestly, I started crying the moment she revealed why the others didn't know her. I knew how it was gonna end. Very sad, but sweet at the same time. Heartbreaking, but there's that little glimmer of love that never left, even if he doesn't remember.
Furueru Te No Saki
Said this in the comments, but basically: I can actually relate to the uke, but in a less extreme sense. I don't do it anymore, but as a little girl, I used to set up situations in order to make myself feel unloved and unwanted. I'm not sure when it started, but I guess it was a form of masochism born from my need to cope with being ripped away from my loving mother and raised with mean children and crappy babysitters because my dad would rather my mom suffer than his daughter be happy and healthy. Basically, it's the sense that if someone supposedly loves or cares about you, some part of you has to prove it isn't true. It isn't that you actually like it. It's more of a compulsion. I don't know why I did it. Maybe to prove to myself that I was incapable of being loved. If someone claimed to care about me, I was much more likely to lash out at them or hurt them. Granted, I moved past that by high school, and I was never cruel to anyone but myself. I just understand where that comes from. I don't know, it's dumb, but this manga really got to me because of that. The uke doesn't want to be vulnerable, so he acts like a dick. He's testing this guy, but pretending it's because he doesn't care. That way he won't get hurt. But secretly, he wants the guy to keep passing the tests. Not-so-secretly by the end, hence the tears. It made me cry, too. I know a lot of people are hating on the character, but I think it's clear he's just a damaged person. Doesn't mean the seme should just tolerate the abuse, but I'd like to imagine a future with them working through all of this together. Maybe they can even be friends with the other kid? I like that it's open but it's still so sad. I wish there'd been more here. You don't see this kind of personality explored often. I wish it were easier to explain, that sheer contradiction of wanting to prove that no one can truly love you and desperately, DESPERATELY wishing that you're wrong.
Shiawase wo Anata ni
Ugggghhh, I'm sobbing. My head hurts and my eyes and nose are all puffy. This made me cry so hard. That poor baby. I knew it was going to go in that direction, but it still hurt. What a sweet boy, though. I hope they both get good lives next time. I don't know why I'm torturing myself right now, but it's like I can't stop reading these things.
Sin
Too rushed and short to make much of an impact. It's sad to be that he had confused feelings over a father figure, but I'm really glad nothing ever happened between them. It does make you wonder if he's denying his sexuality, though, which would be a bummer.
Hebi no Seikatsu