kei_k's manga / #Trauma(19)

Ch13

Too rushed. Had potential but underdeveloped..

Aww. I first read this on... I don't remember when. Probably 2014? And now, I re-read it in August 8, 2016. The story still got me. It's truly memorable and close to my heart. I still wanted more than how it ended, but I guess that's left to our imagination. I loved this story because I was feeling for the characters. I felt bad for Haram when her love for Hanbit was not reciprocated (or at least, he didn't realize it then) but I was glad when she finally accepted her feelings for Gaon. Gaon. This guy made me tear up a lot. I was so sad for him but admired him at the same time. He's bright and he tried his best to make up for what he's lost. He created happy memories after being with Haram, and even when he knew it was pointless, he still continued to love Haram. When his memories came rushing back to him and he teared up? I was so hurt for him. He's a coward, but he's also brave. Anyway, I was glad that when he finally made his decision, he ended up being happy. Hanbit. Oh, this hot guy. He's the guy you'd admire from afar. The mysterious, cold but gentleman type. I loved and hated him at the same time. Really. Especially his strange quirk? Ugh. Okay. Nobody's perfect, so even a guy like him's supposed to have a weakness. But really? His weakness was so annoying. He couldn't stand it when girls cry in front of him, so he makes it up to them. That's why when girls confessed to him, when he rejected them and they started to cry, he just went along with them. Then, of course. A weakness like that was meant to be spoiled by a desperate girl. And that's how Sujin took advantage of him. I hated his high school self for giving in to her tears despite feeling strange about it. He knew she was his friend's girlfriend but he believed that they really broke up. Really? Even if that were the case, he shouldn't have accepted her that instant. And of course, Bakha was also to blame. He didn't listen to him until the end so he obliviously asked him to take care of her instead. So Hanbit may have felt more guilty for that so he forced himself to respond to Sujin's advances more. Hah... But I also hated how even when he finally became a college student, he has not changed. He even had that horrible experience in high school, and what? He still let his weakness get to him, subconsciously leading Yeojin (the singer) on when he saw her cry... And of course, when Haram confessed and cried (despite being warned by Yeojin) because she somehow wanted to take advantage of it, he actually said he'd do anything she wanted if she just stopped crying. I think anyone sane would feel unsatisfied. There are times when we want someone desperately that we'd think we'd do whatever it takes, as long as they become ours... even when they don't love us in return... But when it actually happens, we feel unsatisfied and become greedier. Anyway, this Hanbit was so frustrating as how he could calmly deal with Sujin like that. He already knew she wasn't normal, so why'd he expect that she'd back off after being told off so nicely? He didn't learn from his past mistake at all, being drugged and dragged to her home again. This is why I think guys who are nice to everyone, or too gentleman tend to become bothersome. Because they can't say "no" firmly or reject someone who clings desperately, they "sacrifice" themselves. They say they don't want to hurt that "someone" who asks desperately so it's better if they hurt themselves instead to satisfy the other. But what does that really do? It only hurts more people. I just wish guys like him would reject others firmly when they're really not interested. They may look bad or rude, but it's because of situations like this that I tend to think it's good enough if the guy treats me well, even if he treats other people indifferently or they think he's bad. Of course, that's selfish of me, but we can't please everybody anyway. No matter how good we try to become, there will always be someone who thinks otherwise. So instead of wasting time trying to reach out to a lot of people, I think it's wiser to just spend time creating more memories with people who actually appreciate you. Okay, I got carried away, but I think Hanbit's story was just so memorable that I can't help but want more of him. Like, how would his life go on? How will he meet "The One" and deal with his weakness? The main story was of course, around Gaon. And I really liked his story, too. He even made me tear up. I liked his personality, especially because even if he's nice to everyone, he knew how to draw the line. Like, when Yeojin asked him to stay with her instead, since it wouldn't really matter who he's with as long as he gets a companion, but he firmly refused and said he wanted to stay with Haram. This is what I want. Like, even when at that time, he still wasn't aware of his feelings for her, he remained faithful to her. This is really what I'm looking for in a guy. Of course, he's not perfect as well. He's a bit childish and it may seem like he only treated Haram well because she's the person who picked her up, but he's very thoughtful as well. Of course, it hurt when he suddenly ran off with his necklace, but I think everyone needs to deal with some things by themselves. That doesn't mean that they don't need us though. It's just part of discovering more about themselves. Anyway, this situation with Yeojin really made me like him more because you see, I actually felt a pang in my heart when he started to go out of his way to see and hear her sing in the park. Even when it was actually because he wanted to make Haram listen to her, I felt jealous that he's paying attention to another woman. He even agreed when she demanded to stay with her for a day. So I was so glad and relieved when he answered that way. Okay, about Haram. Well, she's violent towards Gaon, but it was intended for comedic purposes since Gaon was childish, so I didn't mind so much. And even when she's emotionally hurting him with that thing with Hanbit, I can't exactly blame her because it was easier for her to accept that she has feelings for Hanbit. And it's probably because she's aware that Gaon's a ghost so she didn't think of the possibility of falling for him since the beginning. Well, she's selfish too, but like Jiwon (Purple hyung) said, selfishness is part of human nature, so it can't be helped. I'm glad that she somehow controlled her selfishness though, and it's relatable how she demanded him not to even crush on someone while she hasn't moved on. I think every girl would wish that of their unrequited love, but she actually voice it out. Anyway, I just really love this webtoon. I wanted to learn more about Gaon's life before he became a ghost and after he and Haram finally got together. I wanted to see more of Hanbit and how he becomes more sensitive to other people's feelings. I wanted to see more of Eden who's had a brother complex for Gaon meet his match as well. I wanted to know more about Garam and Hansol's blooming relationship, Bakha and Yeojin's on-and-off relationship, and I wanted some shounen ai for Mokyong (?) and Ran. XD I also wanted to see more of Purple hyung... I even wanted to see how Sujin was after the whole mess. Most importantly, I wanted to know more about how the supernatural phenomenon happened. Like, was it always like that? Or was it only the two of them who experienced their memories being sealed in one of their belongings? Anyway, I wanted to know more of this phenomenon and I wished to see more "ghosts" meet the ones who can see them and read about their stories too. Ahh, too much wishful thinking, eh? I wish I could at least make a fanfiction or something. This is very inspiring.

Ch 7 // I wish the after effect of Asa being raped was further elaborated.. I mean, I'm happy how he's moving on with Yoru, but is it really enough like that? I personally didn't like how Asa was before. He was really hard on Yoru after finding out his feelings. He used him, but it's not like Yoru really resisted because he actually liked it. Asa was really rude to Shiori, saying those demeaning things and physically hurting her (not because she's a girl, but simply because she didn't even know why Asa was acting that way towards her after flirting).. But you see, Asa was actually RAPED and ABUSED. Some may see this as a proper lesson since he was actually the type who used music to get girls and bang them (they actually drug them, but it's not like the girls were oblivious to how the meeting worked, so they were more than willing to do it.. Well, thinking about it now, it may still seem like rape since they were somehow drugged, but idk, it seemed here like the girls were very much conscious). I knoooow, going to the police would feel like a no good idea for Asa since he wouldn't want to go through the experience again while telling it, and he might run into more trouble with Iori (the yakuza onii-san).. But I really wish Yoru at least punched them or something.. Er.. Well, anyway, I guess people deal with trauma differently. I mean, when Asa so Iori after they sang their duet, Asa was shown shivering, so I guess he's not completely over it, but he chose not to dwell too much in the past and move on with his future with Yoru instead. In a way, that traumatic experience made him realize how mean he was before and he mellowed out more..

V2 Ch5 // I think Momo's mom's story does not really justify how she mistreated her child. This is just too sad, but it's actually something that I've thought of before, too. Like, what if your parent gets jealous of you because her lovers turn their attention on the daughter/son instead, treating you as an enemy so he/she abuses you and pushes you out of his/her life miserably and causes you trauma... As for Yata, well, when I first it, I thought, well, isn't he a hypocrite? I mean, c'mon, Momo already told him about what's being done to him in exchange for being sheltered, but he still did the same thing as them. I mean, sure, when he offered his home, he didn't have that intention, although from that point, he already found him cute. So yeah, seeing Momo offer him a blow job in exchange, in the end, he also caved in and taken advantage of Momo. Hmm, but of course, he's definitely better than the others because he actually treated and thought of Momo as a lover, not just as a sex slave (though whenever they met, they always had so much sex). I'm a bit bitter with how he acted with Momo when he was chatting with Kuri-chan though. I mean, I guess it's natural and he didn't really mean it when he chased him out, like, he just unconsciously did it because he was too immersed in the conversation with Kuri-chan... but still.. that hurt. Anyway, I'm just glad that he didn't let go of Momo easily. I mean, for others, it's easy to react negatively, seeing their partner like that, after just being forced.. So yeah, I liked how he was appreciative and protective of Momo. I mean, personally, I'd like a guy like him too, even if he's seen as an overprotective and possessive horny dude. I'm also glad that Momo didn't sleep with others like how he was before (when he was with Suda), though what he did with Kuri-chan didn't sit well with me, either. Even if it's just a hand job, I felt a pang in my chest when he did that with another guy besides Yata. Well, he was punished for it, and I guess he learnt his lesson so there's that.

Would've appreciated Mookyul more if he were drawn better.. I mean, he's not consistent. There are a lot of times when I know I'm supposed to find him hot, but somehow, there's something not right with the way he's drawn.. I mean, even Fox Jung looks hotter than him. Anyway, as I said, I'm not very tolerant about cheating. It really made me furious to know that even after they loved together, Mookyul still had sex with Pres. and what, he made it out like it's not a big deal since it's not the same he holds Ewon. I mean, F! Even I would get mad. But oh well. I admire Ewon for having the guts to stay firm in staying away from Mookyul even if he was so hurt, because if he just accepted it as it is, he'd never be satisfied.. Not after he's finally letting himself fall in love. He just can't share him like that. I really liked that. I even forgive him for sleeping around (though I'm usually opposed to this) because in their case, Mookyul wouldn't have really understood how Ewon felt if he didn't do it. He wanted Mookyul to feel what it's like to have their lover sleep with another person even without love, just like what he's been doing, and planned to continue doing to him. Ewon was like it's all or nothing. When Mookyul left him after saying he still hasn't changed his mind and wouldn't abandon the Pres, my heart broke with Ewon's. It's like, he even went as far as to sleep around (which he stopped doing after Mookyul punished him once) even after he finally gave his heart to him, so he felt betrayed. He thought Mookyul will finally choose him now that he understood what it felt like.. So yeah, good job, Ewon! Well, I'd say I also pity Mookyul, because he was torn between the two guys he loved. He can't just abandon the Pres because if it weren't for him, he probably wouldn't be even alive and meet Ewon again. However, it was also hard for him to give up on Ewon because it was the first time Mookyul felt that he really wanted to possess someone completely. He wanted to love and be loved by Ewon. It was a choice he made by himself. However, as he's still shackled, he can't completely love Ewon because he can't just leave. It may seem unfair to him, too, since he's torn like that, but I can't sympathize with him so much because he still lied. I mean, Ewon already expressed how he was afraid of the complexities of love so he wanted to know how it really is with Pres, but Mookyul just had to say that whatever the Pres and he had, IT WAS ALREADY IN THE PAST AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE FOR HIM NOW. Just how was Ewon supposed to take that, when he found out that even after he boldly confesses like that, Mookyul actually hadn't stopped having sex with Pres? It's just messed up. Well, I get that Mookyul's embarrassed that he's whoring himself to Pres so he didn't want Ewon to know, but how could he expect a sincere relationship with Ewon if he couldn't even be honest with him? Ugh. I was really hurt during their "break up" scenes... So I felt relieved when Mookyul finally decided to go all out for Ewon.

start/end: 11/11/18 * I like Hakamada-san as a seme, so gentle... Well, I guess except that part when he brought someone and it seemed like something's fishy about his past.. Wanted to know more, but at the same time, not. haha

start/end: 06/30/20