kei_k's manga / #First Love(4)

finished reading until chapter 40 @ otakumole. note: I am not personally fond of flowers, but that 9-year anniversary proposal with 108 roses (indicating 108 months together), with the meaning of "Will You Marry Me?" in the flower language, is just too touching. Ahh, I really loved Taiga's character. He's so faithful and gentle towards Nao. My only complaint would be that he was a bit insensitive or too carefree when he dealt with Miyabi. Good thing it was settled soon. Other than that, I could not ask for more if a guy like him were to appear before me. Ahh <3

My thoughts are quite overflowing that I want to write a separate entry for this one. Anyway, I have mixed emotions about the ending. I saw it coming, that she'd probably end up with him (Taehyun) since he was the first guy shown in the beginning, and we saw them interact more that the childhood friend (Jinhoo), and she was blinded 'til the end with the angelic facade of Heewon, who was actually a wild chick. It was dissatisfying, perhaps because until the end, we only got comedic parts from the main couple, and even the ending for Jinhoo was melodramatic, leaving us thinking that he still loves Joonha but he'll marry Hyejin anyway since she's been with him for a long time and he knows that she needs him so much. It just makes us feel more sympathetic towards him, when we should've shifted our feelings for Taehyun. I mean, man, I know they spent a lot of time together as partners, which totally made Joonha comfortable around him whether she acted masculine or feminine, but I wish we actually got to see more scenes where she shows her feelings more earnestly. Hey, sure she initiated some kisses towards the end, but like Taehyun said, they didn't even feel romantic or what. If only we were shown more of them, and show that Jinhoo has truly moved on before marrying Hyejin, then it would've been fantastic. Sure, I disliked Hyejin at times, but I still find it unfair to have him marry her just like that. I know he liked her, but he admitted that he didn't love her. Well, of course, he could just learn to love her afterwards, but having those lingering feelings for Joonha wouldn't help too much. Well, she's kinda desperate because she knew she could never win against Joonha so she'd grab the best opportunity to keep him regardless if she's truly loved or what, as long as they're together. It's like, she knows that she's liked, but she's still hoping to be his number one. Well, I just hope that things work out well for them, since I wouldn't want Jinhoo to pursue Joonha in the future after he's married. Imagine, if in the future, they meet again, and he knew her secret or realized that Joonha's truly a girl now, then his feelings came rushing back to him, losing his reasons and pursuing her. Man, that's be so bad. Not only would he be cheating, but he'd get in the way of the relationship Taehyun's worked so hard to build. If it were me, I'd tell him off, and say, "You had your chance before, but you blew it when you chose her over me. I can't blame you though, because that's the guy you've always been -- gentle, faithful and chivalrous. You can stay that way from now on, too. You've gone by without me for the past few years, you'll get by in the next years as well. This is it, you'll always be a part of me, as Kim Jinhoo, my forever friend, not as a man. I am happy now, building my life with someone who loves me after everything I've been through. He's been with me at my worst, and he made me feel alive again. I would not risk to hurt him anymore than I've had. Goodbye."

It was nice to see a versatile seme, Miyama. I liked how even though he accepted Nishina into his life again, he's aware of the fact that he can't fully trust him again because he was already abandoned in the past. They were opposites in high school. While Nishina was cautious about how others saw their relationship, Miyama didn't care as much, and only wanted to openly express his feelings for Nishina. They were mutually in love, but because Nishina was instilled with the principles of the "normal way of life," from the start, he decided that their love was only temporary since they couldn't get married or have kids, and they'll definitely be shunned by the society. In Nishina's POV, Miyama was too reckless, not thinking of the consequences ahead and only focusing on the present, thus, being inconsiderate of him. In Miyama's POV, it could be that Nishina was too mindful of others and how they'll be perceived, that he becomes inconsiderate of Miyama's feelings. I feel like the story is deeper than how others may see it from the first time it's read. It's quite short, but the author was able to deliver complex feelings and emotions.

start: 07/21/19 up: 07/21/19 ~ ch 14