This is... messed up. I've got mixed feelings about it. I spent most of the story debating with myself if I should keep reading or not. But I liked the ending. I liked the hopelessness of it all. It was intentionally fucked up and the story never tried to convince the reader that any of the characters were worth of redemption, with the exception of Dong-Hyuk (who went crazy too, so I don't know...). Even the main character, who at the end of the day, is just a victim of a literal psychopath, is shown as a flawed person who tries not to hurt others but still does it. Some say he decided he would be miserable for the rest of his life, or that it was stockholm syndrome, or that like any other abuse victims he doesn't see a way out, but... even when he was with Dong-Hyuk, even when he was offered a way out, he still couldn't let go of Yule. And I'm not sure why that is. I'm not sure it's all about him being a brain-washed victim.
I don't think what is depicted here can be called 'love' by any realistic standards, but in a messed-up way, that is exactly what they had. It was clearly an abusive relationship from the very start, and it took ages for Yule to actually start feeling something (after he woke up in the hospital), but it is true that he didn't want to live a life without Kyung-Soo. And Kyung-Soo just couldn't let go of Yule.
Yes, what they had wasn't love. This isn't a love story, and it never tried to be. This is the story of a psychopath who becomes obsessed with someone who genuinely fell for them, and the terrible outcome that follows. I'm just very proud that Kyung-Soo was capable of deciding to walk away, even if it took him witnessing what he feared was Yule's actual death.
Still, throughout the story, no matter how many times he ran, it seems that he always believed he would eventually go back. It's hard to tell if this isn't the case, either.
Kyung-Soo fell for his sad eyes, and when they meet again at the end, Yule's eyes are sadder than ever. But at least he has a heartbeat now. At least he's truly terrified of Kyung-Soo dying for real, and yet he settled for watching from a distance instead of kidnapping him and locking him away like he tried in the past.
With the side-stories we're told that if Yule had ended up locked away in a mental hospital, Kyung-Soo still would've been miserable. He wouldn't have been able to forget him had he stayed with Dong-Hyuk, and he wouldn't have felt (been) free had he stayed with Geon. It's as if his connection with Yule can never truly be broken. So running away isn't an option.
Since this is a work of fiction, I'm allowing myself to hope, especially after that scene at the hospital, that if they get back together again, Kyung-Soo will finally get to be happy. The past cannot be erased, and it shouldn't be forgotten, but if Yule is always going to be a part of his life, at least he can be there and make him feel good. He already tried to wash the dishes back when he had no empathy whatsoever. Now that he can remember his nightmares, I'm sure he'll appreciate the hand that pats his head in the night even more.
At least, that's what I want to think.
Hogu Hagyeongsu