ReviewRaptor's manga / #BAD WRITING(229)

Okay, so here's my review. Which means critique and such, so be warned. :P The base storyline is great, the characters interesting and the overall plot very nice. Definitely a decent read and maybe good material for people used to smut and that want to try out a mafia story. The art is decent but could use major improvements. Which is generally not a problem for artists of this level. So this is just something I'll note for the 'graphics hoes'. XD I know the seme in this can be a turn off for some people, but those who enjoy a dominant, (in a way) realistic mafia guy who slowly takes what he wants and is accepted in doing so, you should find not much problems liking him. BUT! There are flaws, I will not sugarcoat that. So here are the ones I found. The flaws that are most prominent are probably that the comic doesn't do well in depicting emotions, twists and turns in the story. Characters feel indifferent or too empty in many moments and sometimes the behavior doesn't make any sense and feels random. Or rather like the author had an idea for a single moment, but couldn't quite string it together with the current happenings, hence why some moments felt off or like a weird choice. Not sure if this is due to missing info not being portrayed (as comics based on novels often do) or if the writing itself is the problem. But it's something I'd suggest fixing for sure. Which is hard since this is a thing from start to finish. Another flaw I noticed was that the writing is definitely heavy in tone but the comic makes light of everything. Either this is a failed choice in making this comic a comedy piece that simply doesn't do a good job in making darker moments funny (aka, the rapist guy and basically all interactions with him) OR, which I am more inclined to believe, the author for some reason did not really do a good job incorporating dark themes, wanted dark themes but really couldn't handle making them make sense in the story. Which is also something we often encounter in webtoons. Many authors know drama and trauma sells, but have NO idea how to write it. :'D Due to the constant mis-hits on the comedy/glossing over moments, the story can feel off and weird. It's still a decent read but not the greatest if you are looking for cohesive writing that makes sense. Either way the baseplot is I think still worth a read due to being VERY interesting and intriguing for sure, but I have to say quite a few things need to be done better. To give it more of an 'oomph' factor when situations are arising. The art is part of why this doesn't work too well, but the writing as well. So if both get redone alittle, this could be an amazing work for sure. Tho as it is it still can work for less experienced readers or those not incapable of overlooking issues and still reading to the end. It depends on how strong your desire for things are and if you like the subject of the story I suppose. I would say it's a decent comic but would put it more into the amateur faction of works due to the big, constant flaws we see and the art not being the 'carrier' type. Still like it tho, despite the issues and I would probably suggest reading the novel for this one. If the flaws here were created by the comic creator cutting away bits and pieces, then the novel might be a more cohesive read with emotions being delivered better. But that is just my guess based on past experiences. ╮(￣▽￣)╭ Recommended either way, since I do very much enjoy the baseplot and it has a peaceful ending without another drama arc elongating things. Which is always refreshing to see nowadays. Give it a try, I'd say. (=・ω・=)

I'm 3 chapters in and I had already lost interest to 101%. And I DID try and read further but, it's not getting better. So I'm out. The art is nice, character designs too, but it's wasted on a plot about an absolute doormat special alpha seme and the bitch-bitch omega uke who doesn't care about others in the slightest. (note to all creators: narcissists are not appealing unless you make them a cute-type tsundere) I'll give the creator credit for turning the roles around at least, but it's still an unappealing setup I have really zero interest in. So I'm sadly going to drop this. Nice art tho, so I suppose for some people that can carry the comic. Depends on taste I guess. ╮(￣▽￣)╭

Alright, surprisingly 6 chapters is enough to write a review for this on the basics. XD (A review means critique/negative things being mentioned, so you have been warned.) I'll refrain from mentioning the major lack of logic for the characters or on the author's side but I have to mention these things. While the artwork is impressive, the plot is horseshit. VERY interesting at it's core, but the way it's done is just really unappealing. And the art is quite frankly the only thing that can save it. If this had ugly or mid art, people would likely not be bothering with it. Not only do we start of with rape, basically (even if it WAS in a dream, they were both sentient and 'there'), we also have both characters entirely ignore the situation if we're honest. Emotions in general are being portrayed weirdly. Especially since the entire comic seems to not be able to decide whether it wants to be a light-hearted comedy piece or an actual mental issue portraying dark comic. It hits neither of those spots well and dangles in the middle. I really find the basic story interesting, as goddamn mentally defective as this karma from a past life is, but if this was at least done in a cohesive way (not dnagling in the middle of two genres) and maybe NOT start out with rape that's being ignored, it would be SO much better. At this point I am utterly uninterested, as pretty as the art is and as interesting as the base story is. I just hope someone will make a copy-cat story of this in a good way someday, because this is honestly not appealing unless you have some problems or can ignore aspects such as rape and issues like the dangling genre thing. Either is worrisome to me tbh. XD I will not ever recommend this. Not even the art can give this points, the issues with the writing are just too big.

Finally I get a comic with a hermaphrodite and it's completely ruined by the most unpleasant, fuckwittiest smut plot to have ever fuckwitted about. Art cannot carry either. How unbelievable sad. My disappointment is immesurable. And my day is ruined.

The plot is honestly riddled with nonsense in terms of logic and behavior. The seme/'love interest' is really dislikable from moment one and he just doesn't get better. The art might be decent but it also has a bit of inconsistency to it, hence why it cannot carry this for me. It's a shame since the base story they intoduced was REALLY interesting but it was ruined, as so many other comics, by the author going for focusing the smut and smut only at the expense of the plot itself. Shame, really. Good jack off material if you really have no standards or a few screws loose but not for normal people. Even without the text bubbles being read, the first smut of them together is NOT enjoyable. But I guess this depends on your taste, so whatever. ╮(￣▽￣)╭ I'm out, you do you and give it a try. But if the story starts like this and gives no hints at anything giving a glimpse of change/betterment, I'm just out. maybe it get's better halfway through, but I will not stick around and bother to check.

The MC/ML(? the soldier dude) has absolutely random writing in terms of behavior tbh. Nothing he does really makes sense except create a reaction, situation or dialogue to drive the plot. There is no sense to his actions, no rhyme or reason even if you do expect some sorta background story chapter to show up, none of this works even then. If this was based on a novel, it'd say the people making this comic skipped key scenes or misunderstood the writing and portrayed him a bit off, but this is not based on a novel, so technically there shouldn't be any rhyme or reason missing. I could see how someone might think THIS is how a tsundere is supposed to act, but even then, the random 'dick-hard - lets shove it into his face' moment was the pinacle of randomness. No explaination whatsoever either. Tho then again, the dude thinks knocking someone out is perfectly fine and NOT landing him in the guardhouse and all people around him do not remove him from the side of the uke either but instead push him there. The writing is heavily lacking and I can only wonder why i do not see a smut genre tag up there. Because that would PERFECTLY explain all of this. Because smut is essentially just porn in comic form and DOES more often than not lack right about any sense. XD I'm not sure if the story is good enough to keep going. Neither of them are interesting as characters because of the lack of proper introductions and the overall 'zombie virus' plotline isn't really made important enough to think THAT part of the story is worth sticking around for. So my guess is this will be carried heavily by the art, which I can very well see happening. It is great art so far. But I do not read for art only, especially not if the character we deal with is utterly random and obnoxiously written. I guess they are both good looking and bonking will eventually happen, but I'm not quite sure if that is really worth all this enduring I'd need to do. (And many comments aren't really making it look like it's getting better.) I didn't get hooked. I'm not an art-only person. The art is great but the characters utterly basic and bland. So I might flip through pages here and there to check but I honestly do not see any appeal besides the art here. Which is a shame since this setup HAD potential, it just wasn't used well. Maybe because the author is new to writing? It seems that way anyway. But the base idea was good, so I think there is high chance for improvement. You do you, give it a try, maybe the MC/soldier is your type of character and you'd read just for him, but all those looking for good writing will likely need to look elsewhere.

Small review after just 9 chapters, because that's plenty for this one thb. While the art is decent enough, the writing is mediocre and the character logic absolutely stupid. And that from page one all the time, for ALL characters. I will not bother dismantling because this should be fairly obvious as to why. I don't know if they'll attempt to even bother portraying the struggle of the male lead, because they SHOULD, but I highly doubt that would go anywhere given how logic for these characters works and how the entire story is randomly trying to be comedic even if the moments do not call for it based on the writing/story itself. I think this can work as newcomer content, to comics of longer format in general. But mostly just for kids or rather teens, early teens to be specific. The writing is just not good for more experienced readers and it yells kiddie-content with any lack of actually planning out things and making it make sense or go about smoothly. Not for me in either way, which is a shame since the baseplot (like too many times) is good but the execution just wasn't done well.

Dear artstyle, I know you're carrying this story all by yourself but you're doing great. Keep up the good work! Jokes aside, this story is really below 'meh' for me. The world building itself is not great, the depiction of the scenes weird at times and quite frankly the smut is the only strong point here in my eyes due to the art being decent. But it's not good enough for me to keep enduring everything else, so I'm gonna go look for something better elsewhere. Can't recommend, won't even for the art. So check it out yourself. You might enjoy it if you don't mind toxicity, trashy behavior, mediocre writing, overdone tropes like rape and indifference and more obnoxious things. (I literally cannot find anything I like in this work, sorry.)