ReviewRaptor's manga / #BAD WRITING(264)

Alright, hear me out. Lemme cook, it's hot now but we'll cool down. :v (Critique ahead, so beware.) The base story is very interesting, the art is decent and the characters around the MC intriguing (although a bit too shallow in personality). The MC however, is what ruins this story. And that is an absolute dealbreaker. I like me some drama but the already way too obnoxious trope of hating people that have not done ANYTHING WRONG to you in a re-run is just getting on my nerves SO very much. Don't get me wrong, this trope CAN work, if written in a good way, but this is definitely NOT it. She's not careful and pessimistic due to trauma, she's behaving like what someone who THINKS they know how trauma works would write a character. The way the author portrays her makes her more annoying, dumb and weird instead of a damaged person that has to deal with trauma and tries to adjust to current happenings. The author HAS made her realize very early on that things have changed, she acknowledged that!, yet on the very next page she ignores it and acts like that realization never happened. This is a HUGE fault when writing a traumatized character, because that realization would have a big impact and remain in memory. It would make her at least second guess each action from others and make her at least think about it having a positive aspect. But what annoyed me the most so far (16 chapters in) is this: She pretends her references and ideas of a situation are reality and treats them as a fact. In some sense it is similar to how trauma can work (in a VERY vague way), but not how it's done in this story and the different moments. I have endured 16 chapters of her obnoxious attititude and while i was very understanding at first, this got obnoxious VERY quick and downright stupid. I mean, the fvck you talking about 'horrifying ceremony'?? HE GAVE YOU A FRUIT FFS. X'D The only thing barbaric and horrifying was your idea of pretending the red juice was blood and wolves tear prey apart and eat together. Stop acting like that's the same. Your analogies are NOT reality. This is NOT Twitter. Please stop this nonsense, dear author. At this point it is NOT the other characters that are in the wrong, IT IS ONLY HER. And I doubt it'll change in a realistic, normal manner based on the bad writing. The author is continuously re-chewing the past only when it fits to make her seem more miserable, justify her attitude or make the other people (who are ALL nice to her btw!) look horrible despite that not being in relation to the current reality. This already gives me Mary Sue vibes and Mary Sue's are NOT good characters despite 3rd wave feminists thinking otherwise. X'D The writing is horrible tbh. It runs the path of using happenstances from the past to be anything inbetween pitiful towards oneself up to being an obnoxious idiot or rude towards others even. Which is NOT the way to go. It does not make your character likable at all. And it will not make people want to read more about this character. I'm sorry, but THIS is not how you use this trope. THIS is precisely why people learned to hate it. And the misplaced, seemingly random, funny chibi haha panels do NOT help this entire mess. It makes it seem even more like the author doesn't know what they are doing. Which I hope changes in the future. Improving their writing skills is very much needed at this stage. To sum it up; the author failed majestically at making the MC likable and despite her acknowledging current life being different. It feels really more like the author simply THINKS this is what traumatized people are like (like people on Twitter and TikTok always do) instead of researching the nuances needed to make each negative reaction actually realistic, plausible and relatable/understandable. The author should research some more about how to alter these kinda characters to make them understandable and likable. This is KEY to fictional works. Sadly this one missed the mark. It's likely a good read for younger/less experienced readers, but seasoned readers should probably stay away from this one. The story seems to have changed in chapter 44, but I do not know if it was done in a good way. Not sure if I'll bother reading more tbh, nothing in this story is appealing tbh.

Who of us would actually ever be interested in someone that whores around directly in front of us, trying to trigger any response and then tries to persue us? I for one would loose all interest in the person tbh. I get screwing around, but if you try this bs with me, I'm out. Hence why I have zero interest in reading this. It's not logical behavior and will likely only be turned into a 'love story' with a giant doze of manga magicks. No thanks. ^^

I really HATE plots that mix medieval/historical clothes and settings with modern stuff. PICK ONE FFS. XD

Review/Critique ahead, you have been warned. It's honestly not the greatest writing. The story has potential but given the author decided to to use it bothers me. As LaNasha below in the comments mentioned: She's aware she can change stuff, yet doesn't care to do so in crucial and VERY IMPORTANT parts of the story. I know this is a medieval-like setting and people back then didn't understand mental problems (because that is ultumately what the villain's problem is), but she's aware of what is happening and isn't doing jack. That's just bad writing no matter how you try to twist it. Unless you want to insert drama for dramas sake in a story YOU set up to have less drama and be about changing one's story and that of others alongside your own. It's decent as a beginner thing, probably great for newer readers or kids that don't understand how dumb the writing is at times, but I for one have too much experience with good writing to read this. Which is a shame since I love these plots about people regressing and then finding a loving family dynamic waiting for them. Shame this one went to waste. It's not a horrible story, but not good either. The art is decent but isn't extraordinary so that I would stay for that aspect alone. I suggest checking it out for yourself, but seasoned readers will likely not find this great given the writing issues. It might not be a dealbreaker for all, but I for one don't like the nonsensical logic so I'll be moving to the next story. I do hope the author creates more stories tho, amybe learns more about how to portray sadness and trauma tho (that father would NOT have smiled moments after finding his wife just because the child thought he was gonna off another kid). There is plenty room for improvement so I have hopes for this as it's not too bad in many aspects. :)

Review/Critique, so be warned. This works as a self-insert very well, but NOT if you're not exactly into the type of person the love interest here is and NOT if you cannot relate exactly to the MC. From the very start the story is weird and feels like emotions and thoughts do not come across well. As well as general intentions of anyone in this story. The MC is a bit of a weirdo but quite bland and simple. Yet the love interest is so weirdly random seemingly that it would have greatly benefitted him if the author hinted more at HIS side of emotions and intentions. Because, to me, first it felt like he was SUPER pissed that the MC wanted to use 'playing gay' as a means to win the show because he finds it offensive to use gayness as a gimmick. Yet, it turns out, he had been given a wishy-washy tsundere personality and he was into the MC. If it was portrayed differently, this might have worked okay but as it was done here, it just seems random. Almost like the author had no set script or really thought about the story much. It's funny for sure but the romance between them is just 'off' and feels randomly done just for the sake of getting them together SOMEHOW, by any means to get to the author's preferred part. I also find the love interest VERY unappealing in terms of personality tbh, but I'm sure someone will like a cranky jerk that thinks he can get upset about playing house and realizing it's not reality. XD It's probably a decent read for beginners but not for seasoned readers, but even there I'd not recommend it because it's honestly not that well written as a romance. As a comedy piece, sure, it's worth flipping the pages. But I'd not recommend it as a romance comic to anyone that asked me for recs. Sadly. Because, as someone below said: The premise IS very interesting. The execution is just badly done.

Okay so I started reading this but for some reason the writing just doesn't make the story intriguing. The characters also feel very bland somehow. I also have a hard time finding ANY appealing quality in the 'love interest' of the MC. Not a very good combo for a comic in my opinion. Which is a shame since I'm running out of stuff to read while updates take ages to roll in. XD

This is SOOOO utterly boring. 2 chapters and I have already lost interest in all the blabbering about the school, rules, how rich everybody is, etc.. And then they threww in random magic bullshit? No thank you. ^^ The writing is very over the place and didn't settle for a clear introduction and making things quick that REALLY are very uninteresting. Shame, since the art is nice. But that is not a saving grace in my book.

I'm at chapter 5 only and I must say, the plot feels quite rushed. Like a condensed version of a detailed plot, loosing detail along the way to move along quicker, if you know what I mean? The art should have gone the usual plan of portraying the characters in a suggestive way tho that makes us wonder if they are suddenly evil but before were not (as it was portrayed, the Duke seemed just as emotionally constipated as any other moment, little bit dick-head-ish too ngl), spoiler/'spoiler' ahead if what I heard is correct: If this story is the regular trope of the new woman having manipulative magic abilities, then the artist should DEFINITELY have hinted at her being suspect and the ML being somewhat different all of a sudden, visually I mean.Even just his eyes being less highlighted would have done the trick for me. No need to make a huge deal about adding extra stuff. As it is now, it feels weird, lackluster and like he only behaves the way he needs to in the moment. In a way it makes sense, because we only see things from the MCs perspective, but it is a very weird read when it feels like the ML just acts like the moment calls for instead of obviously being different all of a sudden. Kinda like a MacGuyver moment, but in shitty and annoying. X'D EDIT: Chapter 7 now - There is quite a few very confusing, abrupt and weird scene changes that do not happen in a smooth or clear manner. Just, POOF, this happens now. XD I am also not fond of this type of plot in general tbh. Because authors tend to portray this plot as 'its the guys fault BUH' but fail to acknowledge: Had she said even once or twice that the maids, butlers and so on do NOT treat her appropriately, most if anything of this would not even have happened. I LOATHE plots like this, it's nonsensical, idiotic and makes me really think authors love to use the men as scapegoats because they don't want to admit fault in their 'heroine' even in the most basic and obvious ways. The ending of chapter 7 has me thinking the artist does NOT pay attention to the story btw. That expression at the end did NOT match the dire realization/situation the MC is in. Kinda disappointing tbh. That SHOULD have been an impactful, emotional moment, but it was dull, boring and basically glossed over in a certain sense. I do hope it gets better and less rushed. Putting in more detailwork to emphasize emotions and let things take a moment to settle in would do this comic VERY well. EDIT 2: The more I read, the more annoying the story somehow gets. It's like the characters are only likable when they have a pair of tits, literally all males are portrayed/condensed to: men evil. ALL of them feel bland. And they all seem to just be there, doing a dumb. It's ridiculous to think the Duke would NOT have an aid to talk to, guards to talk to, servants etc. THEY EXIST, wtf is the author doing ignoring the simple factor of having him go talk to them sternly after finding out fuck ups?? Nothing else makes any decent sense. This is just drama for drama's sake. Which has never been good writing btw. I also noticed that the story goes with this logic: We never portray the Duke actually giving a shit about the MC, but all of a sudden, when she tries to leave, he feels the need to stop her 'despite being manipulated' by the magic of the new woman. That makes NO sense. At least not if you do not even once portray him caring about her. This is writing 101 at this point. And the story didn't nail it. wtf. XD If this keeps going, I'll definitely drop this. I caught myself wanting to just flip pages to move to something interesting already, which isn't good. EDIT 3: Scratch that last part, I'm out. I cannot stand more of this nonsense. This story might be a decent read for younger, inexperienced readers, but not for seasoned readers that like cohesive and good writing.