Kii-chan's manga / #bittersweet(3)

IS THERE A WORD FOR SOMETHING MORE TRAGIC THAN TRAGIC COS IM CRUSHED. LIKE IT'S A GOOD STORY BUT I HATE IT. I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY. I AM SO SAD FUCKING HELL. I AM NOT OKAY. WHY DID ASH HAVE TO FUCKING DIE. I WANT THEM OT HAPPY. I KNOW EIJI IS FINE, BUT I WANTED THEM OT BE HAPPY TOGETHER. THEY LASTED OUT SO LONG. HE COULD HAVE WENT TO JAPAN AND LIVED HAPPILY WITH HIM. STUPIC LAO. BUT I MEAN I KNOW WHY HE KILLED HIM AND ITS UNDERSTANDABLE COS HE DIDNT KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SITUATION, BUT LIKE THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO HAPPINESS. LIKE ASH DIED SMILING IN THE FUCKING LIBRARY AND SOMEONE COULD HAVE SAVED HIM. AND POOR SING. HE MUST FEEL SO BAD THAT HE COULDNT STOP IT. BUT ITS SO SWEET OF HIM TO CARE FOR EIJI SO MUCH. CRIES I JUST WANT THEM ALL TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER. WAS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK. IM JUST GOING TO FUCKING INGRAIN THE FANFIC OF THE HAPPY ALTERNATIVE ENDING IN MY STIKIN BRAIN BCOS I HATE THIS SO MUCH. okay okay its been like a day. im still in pain but like im a little bit more at terms with the ending. at least eiji is moving toward getting better. i dont imagine hell ever be able to forget about Ash, but i think he'll find happiness in his own way and move on (not in the forgetting sense like yknow like how he looked at the pics of ash and went to cape cod). realistically in the story, it is not easily possible for ash and eiji to have had a happy ending cos of ash's place and influence i guess in the mafia and gang scene. im not trying to say in power (tho he is quite like op), but like he has a lot of enemies (trouble with the chinese mafia and etc etc). so like even if he wanted to happily be with eiji its really hard. it wont really stop eiji or him from being targeted. I think that ash in his own way found peace through death and that's why he just sat in the library. bcos i guess getting stabbed like that (while i feel like he could have been saved) is a little complicated cos he's like a wanted criminal kind of. but i also think getting stabbed like that might have just reminded him the danger that his existence is and that he resolves that even if he is unable to physically be with eiji, he can at least think of him and rest with eiji's last words to him in the letter. maybe he thought that through death it was the best way to protect eiji from any further harm. And going back to eiji's last words, it says his soul is always with him...so i think that gave him a lot of peace cos even if they're far apart he's not alone. WHILE I DO TYPE THIS AND TRY TO BE REASONABLE, i am actually a very unreasonable person. lmao who'd've thought. maybe it's cos it's a manga that i just want to bend the laws of how things usually work and just make everything hunky dory lmao i mean i am a fluff-main (is this even a term whatevs). i rarely read anything sad unless im guaranteed happiness in the end that makes up for the sadness. so yeah, reasons why i have so many problems with the ending lolol if i could read an alternative happy ending i would, even if it's logically unreasonable.

ITS CUTE BUT I FEEL SO ATTACKED RN. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW.

It hurts me. But happy emding as is p cute