Lex's manga / #Tragedy(41)

Waiting for more chapter to come out in order to give this one a go.

Gong Shiwoo has been secretly living on the school’s rooftop when an encounter with student Cha Hajin and his subsequent daily visits put an end to the teenager’s privacy. It doesn’t take long for him to stop minding Hajin’s presence though, and soon a special bond begins to form between the two teenagers. ------------ Such a short, painful and realistic read. It gets the message across so well it's heart-wrenching. A lot of the issues being brought up in those mere few chapters are extremely relatable, as well as Gong Shiwoo & Cha Hajin's relationship being such a sincere and breath-taking one. I'm amazed at how much the author managed to convey its readers in such a short amount of time. Hats off. Is what I have to say.

I am not okay.

Jun Andou is a high school boy who spends his days hiding that he's homosexual. One day, Jun witnesses his classmate, Miura Sae, buying a BL book at a book-store. That encounter forces their relationship towards a new direction. I want to like the opposite sex, even have my own child. I want to have my very own family. I desire to have that "ordinary" happiness. The problem is, I can't get it up to women. ------------ Honestly... This was really hard to read. I cried a lot. It's very realistic. Too realistic. I could identify to everything in this. Even Jun and Makoto pairing: while it's gross. I am all too aware of how real of an issue this is. I've been in such a pairing in the past. And have all too many acquaintances who also have a similar story as well. It's unfortunately not all that unheard of for older men to take advantage or younger conflicted youths. And because of that, I'm very well placed to know that such things can be "consensual" in a way. But this "consent" more often than not solely equqtes to yet another means of self-harm for said youth. Yes, as crazy as it may sound to some, even sex can be self-harm if done for the wrong reasons. And reading this truly hurt by how raw and harsh it was in shoving this reality at you. Whilst Jun is still a minor. He'd rather be used by a child predator, than not be able to experience his only "normal" and feel some type of "love". It grosses me out so much reading about characters taking advantage of younger people like that. Seeing this full-grown adult lusting after a child, and worse, using this child as a replacement for his own son?? His own flesh and blood??? Disgusting. And thankfully, the author didn't normalize their relationship in any way. They empathized the fact that it was wrong. And in this aspect, it was truly well done. I also really liked the mentions of preparation and HIV testing. This made it even more of a tangible read. Or how Jun forced himself into being "normal", and invertedly, how "Mr. Fahrenheit" acted as the "wise" bridge. All felt too real. It's extremely realistic for LGBT+ Youth to not have anyone to turn to. So we rely on online friendships, with people we sometimes don't even know are real. But they're the only way we can feel normal. Like we're not alone. When Jun said: "I don't want to be disgusting". F*ck that hurt. I don't think I've ever cried so much while reading. It's just so real. I'm sorry but this story hurts so much. Honestly, I was tearing up as I went through each chapter. It's too realistic. When "Mr. Fahrenheit" gave his story, I crashed. I know people who are suffering from HIV. Who have very similar stories. And then when he went on to explaining how his family accused his lover of "ruining him", "turning him gay", "perverting him" etc. Once more, this all fells all too tangible. I don't know many LGBT+ people, myself included, who haven't heard similar phrases. In my case, it was first my friends got accused of "infecting me with the gay". And then, when I came out again, it was my transgender friends were "leading me into a cult". And let's not even talk about post-transition dating. They'd pretended to accept me until then, but this was it for them. I was now being "twisted all over again and infected with a disease, and should just stick to Heterosexuality". Now, about Ryouhei's character and his habit of sexually harassing Jun seriously got to my nerves. No means no. It's not a joke if the other party isn't laughing. It really made me want to punch him the entire time. Eventually he did "come around", as in, he got character growth after Jun's "coming out", but this behavior of his still irks me. The side character, Kondo, the college girl's boyfriend, he truly got to my nerves with all of his homophobic nonsense. It also painfully reminded me of stories from the rise of the HIV and AIDS crisis amongst the LGBT+ (and especially the MLM) community of 1981 & 84... When he went and dared saying: "I don't want to be in the same bath with some homo. If I get infected with aids or something - that'd be some joke." There used to be bad rumors going around about how you could catch HIV barely through touching or breathing the same air as an infected person. I've heard all too many horror stories surrounding this period and what it entailed for the LGBT+ community. It broke my heart how real this statement felt. It resonated all too hard. Even nowadays, some ignorant people still believe in this myth. When "Mr. Fahrenheit" committed suicide, Jun's inquiries were so strong and hit all too close to home. I don't think there's a single LGBT+ person out there who hasn't asked themselves these very same questions... Why are we here? Why hasn't evolutions culled us out? If our species truly was divided into male and females to effectively reproduce, then why are we here? Or is it just an illness as they say? Some evil that needs to be cured? These very questions are at the root of every single LGBT+ person out there. In chapter 6, when Ryouhei speaks as if he's cool with Jun being gay, but Jun thinks: "you say nothing has changed... Then why didn't you grab my crotch just now as you usually would?" and walks out. That also hits way too close. After a friend found out I was gay, their up 'til then carefree behavior around me changed. They used to be thoughtless and we'd think nothing of it, changing in front of each other without any second thought whatsoever, we'd be very touchy feely with one another. Yet as soon as they learned I was gay, all that suddenly changed. They claimed that they were "fine with it", yet, the way they'd interact with me had done a 180. They treated me like a predator. Ready to pounce at them at any second. Soon after, when Jun lashed out at his mother after his suicide attempt it just activated my swimming pool mode once more. Next, about Miura's character. The "anchor", if you will... Well. Besides the fact that she absolutely fetishizes gay men which is a problem, she really isn't a bad person at all I truly liked her. But then again, being a Fujoshi does not inherently make someone a bad person, it just means that this person lacks education on the matter and needs a good talking to, so nothing surprising there. All in all, I truly appreciated how supportive she was of Jun, and this soulmate-like bond that they displayed. They grew truly close to one another and obviously had a great deal of an impact onto each other's lives. She stood by him when he needed it. She may have goofed up here and there, but she is a truly kind-hearted girl in the end. Her role was truly a major one. That of both a mediator and an anchor for Jun to keep on holding on. Really well made. I also liked how this work also does not demonize fujoshis. I don't condone fetishizing, and truly despise it. But Fujoshi is not equal to the person being bad. And this story did a great job at displaying this. She needs to be educated, but she is far from being a bad person. If anything, she is a truly loyal and kind person. It was quite pleasant to read about a perspective I fail to see all too much around me. I always feel like the "odd one out" since I don't think being a Fujoshi makes someone inherently bad, but it just proves to me that this person is lacking somehow about proper LGBT+ education and exposure. Anyway, I digress. And finally, about Makoto and Jun's relationship's ending... Honesty. Very well done. It was depicted in a (yet again) very realistic way. And there was no unnecessary drama added. Both characters go on their separate ways, As well as Makoto's character being honest about his sexual disorder. I was truly moved by all of these factors. Really a masterpiece. Haven't read anything quite like it in a very long time.