shoujo_sakura's manga / #psychological(29)

Honestly was better than I expected. I kinda like this. Also wow the smut is

I wasn't that into reading this. I couldn't read past chapter 4 properly, the incestuous part triggers me. But then the ending is a Greta plot twist. Who knew the older brother was the true mastermind here who manipulated his brother to rape him. To forever be dependent on him. Sick.

Toxic and dark as hell but also I felt like it was a bit dumb? But yeah small actions can lead to another's endangerment so wether it was intended or not uke really ruined someone. Spoiler. I felt like uke was pitiful because he only wanted love but ended up being Stockholm with someone he didn't know he ruined and now they are stuck together in this cage they had built. Story:: Uke sleeps around as he finds pleasure in ppl loving him, what he truly wants is love. He then noticed seme who is rich and seemed to be interested on him. One night, he was approached by seme and that's when the two decided to sleep together. When uke is at seme's house, he finds a photo of himself in a room and was scared. Seme catches him and locks him behind a huge cage. Where he assaults uke. Backstory, seme was in love with uke and uke still sleeps around. When uke was blatantly told by the senpai he likes that he was just a play toy, he got so mad he ended up venting on seme who was trying to help him. So uke locked him up on a school dog cage where seme was bitten badly on the arm, causing a scar to the seme's body. Seme obsessed with uke because of the eternal scar and trauma,decided to face him years later where we return to the current timeline. He basically built a cage that locked two of them. Yes, they fell for each other. Uke got stockholm syndrome and seme is batshit crazy.

Uhh shit

One way to describe this story is that it is creepy and disturbing but also hauntingly captivating. The story telling is also very good. Though the story itself is terrifying. And I believe the paneling of the author gives this story what it needs. I've been a fan of their and story telling from their previous works and this is the same. I don't like the main couple because of the age gap but also how seme is pedophilic but their scenes were intense and very sensual you could feel uke's sensuality through the panels. And honestly, it was a good read but I'm not hoping for the ending to be satisfying as I want front eh ending I've heard. Tbh if I was given a twisted choice for an ending, it would be that the main couple doesn't end up and that the brothers get obsessed with each other (not saying sexually) but that they would instead fill each other's hole(like what missing in their lives not their a**). Honestly, the semes don't deserve the uke in this story . Summary spoiler: Too long for me to write hahaha I hope I can write some day but too lazy for now hahaha

...... Spoiler summary: Uke got into an accident 8 years ago that made him amnesiac. He never retains his memory for more than a day and so never gets to create new memories after the accident. Uke is in love with seme since before, it was one sided. One day, five years before etje current timeline. He got to know this girl who suggested the two to get married despite his condition and now he got a wife whom he gets to know for the first time each day. But also, as his heart remains to be 21 and not 29, his feelings for seme never really moved on and at some days, he confesses and the two tangke don't heir sheets. Uke still finds comfort from seme on all his anxiety. He doesn't know that he does this affair each day, because he doesn't write this update in this phone. Not sure if it sbecaus eif guilt. In chap 6, he decided to change and write an update. And how he had kissed with seme.

There is an epilogue coming. I actually loved this story. It's unique and just flesh out well. The characters are complex and each of them I can understand and sometimes relate to. And it makes me feel like their struggle is natural. And that their actions aren't just one victim and the other a bad guy. Because each of them, just had struggles that explains their actions. I love the flow of the story, it wasn't slow and too fast. I also like the way the author arranged the events of the story. This was angsty but it stayed with theme that even if life is miserable and one wishes to end it, each wishes to have a happy life and in fact, despite the darkness in life ppl would still pursue / try to get a better life. I absolutely loved the uke, and the seme had made many mistakes but I don't see him detestable. Their compatibility is also great. It's the negative x negative couple haha Summary spoiler: Uke is an aspiring actor who majors in theater in college. Seme is a writer whose life is miserable and suffers from a love/life he dreams to have, specifically to have that one person in his life, his name is Haram. Seme one day witness a blonde guy getting into a car accident and gets a panic attack, which uke reaches out to him. Seme had this obsession of looking for a blonde guy who has been there in his entire life until he disappeared or passed away one day, causing him insanity. Upon receiving help from uke who was also blonde and had high resemblance to the person he longed. He decided to hire uke as this actor to act his script. Because ehe planned to create a new world with uke acting as Haram. The two got into this acting slash ambiguous romantic relationship, but eventually uke found himself in love with seme. Their relationship was heading into a good path until one day , uke realized and learns that seme was looking at him with another person in mind. And this destroys their current relationship. And multiple times, seme had fallen into depression but uke was there to help him. When uke confronted seme of this and wished for him to ask forgiveness as well explain, what he got was silence and so their relationship grew estranged. Random backstory, uke suffered sickness when he was young and showed no sign of getting healthy and it ended with his parents getting into a cult which led to uke's miserable life. But in highschool he once watched a movie that made him wish to be an actor. And that movie was based on seme's novel... Soon, seme realizes that he no longer wished for Haram but instead uke's presence. So he decided to chase at him but uke refuses to concede. Du eto desperation, he finally opens up that Haram was actually not real but was instead an imagination he had created to help himself. This triggered uke on his cult trauma and he decided to further stay away. Random backstory, seme's parents divorced when he was young causing him anxiety. This anxiety led him to create Haram. This hallucinations made his mother look at him as if he was crazy and further solidified his anxiety, this is the reason why he refused to tell uke about Haram.... The two decided to move on and time passes by. Uke still does not pass in any audition so he decided to give act one last time on a college theater performance. Seme still wishes to reconcile with him but uke is afraid that they will end up hurting each other. When he was son stage, his stage fright took place but seme's presence in the audience gave him strength. At the end, he received a casting audition. He meets up with seme to thank him, and seme gives his final farewell when uke reaches up to him and took courage to ask him if they could go back together but this time to be happy. Then that's it.

Review: Oh this was so good. Such a high quality bl. My favorite part of this story is how it didn't only focus on the romance aspect but focused on the overall developments of the main characters and others, their problems and how it built who they are. I love that the second guy I was rooting to was the ending for the mc. Furthermore, I love how I was okay with mc ending up with either of the two because they were both good. The story felt like it so much depth with how diligent the author was in trying to deliver her final messages of this story. And from beginning to the end, nothing felt like it wasn't well thought of. There are certain twists of stories that I wished turned this way or that, but stories like this doesn't make me strongly feel like that. The characters felt alive - their actions just made sense. Despite the tragedy, I love the ending. (Spoiler) Even though the old man yaoi ended tragically with ml dying first, I love that it set up with mc getting along with his family before he also died. Making him realize that he wasn't all that full of regret. Summary(oh shit it's gonna be fucking long hahaha my lazyass) 68 yrs old Seungtae found out he could communicate with his 19 yrs old self. Old Seungtae believes he had lived his life full of regrets, and the biggest of them is being gay and another is Jihoo hyung. 68 yrs old Seungtae has always had trouble with his identity, and refuses to acknowledge being gay. Yet he chose to run away with Jihoo. But on the day they were supposed to run away. Jihoo gets killed and their relationship ended in tragedy. Old Seungtae used the opportunity given to him through his diary to change the past and save Jihoo. As he suffers through dementia, he tells his young self what he should do. 19 yrs old Seungtae was a responsible guy. The time is sent in 1969. In Korea, the war wasn't that long, families were mostly patriarchal and being gay brings shame and ostracization from your community. Seungtae also lived his life like that. He reunites with his childhood friend, and became slightly close again. He then remembers that the reason the that he drifted apart from him is because when they were young, there was a time he realized that Yeonny looks at him differently from his other normal friends and he as well feel different emotion from normal. Filled with family problems, Seungtae learns of the future from the diary and then meets Jihoo, where he finds himself falling for Jihoo. Their first meeting was peculiar with Jihoo and Yeonny meeting him as he disguised himself as an old beggar. He saves the two from being attacked by the beggars and the two also helps him get ttreated in the hospital as he had injuries from his previous living. Since then, Jihoo feels indebted to the two and continues to pay the hospital bill they spent on him to repay it, despite the two's refusal. Jihoo then started living in Seungtae's house as a boarder. There was an ongoing serial murder incident at that time, Old Jihoo suggests that the killer may be responsible of Jihoos death. Jihoo's friend, Hye, also stayed in Geumho for Jihoo and there's a spark of rivalry of him with mc because of Jihoo. Yeonny points out MC's feeling which mc aggressively denies being gay. Causing a drift to the two. But later on the two reconciled as they face the impending issue of the 3rd murder. The victim was a middle schools girl and old Seungtae asks his young self to help her safe the girl. Young Seungtae asks help from others in this, and with Yeonny, Jihoo, Hye they were able to stop the murder and capture the serial murderer. But the the series of event was different from the future. As the original target survived it was Yeonny's sister that was indeed almost in danger. This wasn't a good sign. Seungtae's older brother also comes home and caused Jihoo to leave Seungtae's house to stay with Hye. Seungtae's older brother is also one of their suspect. Hye and Seungtae's relationship changed as Seungtae confesses but Jihoo tries not to reciprocate his feeling. Though, the two had a talk of running away together just like tin the past. As Old Seungtae continues to investigate about the future. He learned that the suspect wasn't only his older brother, Hey but there was also anotjer guy which Jihoo hid from others. And it was Sun Jae, Jihoo's cousin whom he had helped raise when he was young. Jihoo was adopted by his aunt and uncle after his parents died from the war. He got close to a boy and soon their relationship turned more than just friend but one night, the boy and his whole family from their house burning. And Jihoo's suspect was Sun Jae. So he ran away from at 14 and travelled here and there where he meets Hye. Hye was twisted but Jihoo still chose to be friends with him. When Seungtae's older brother hurt Jihoo. Hey captured him and tortured him but not to death. Later on, Sunjae and Yeonny finds this hideout and was instead captured and locked in the warehouse as well. In this meantime, Seungtae realizes how Yeonny was always there for him and realizes that he was also important to his life. Seungtae and Jihoo was able to save the three. And Jihoo knowing it was Hye's action, cut ties with Hye causing Hye to be triggered. Jihoo run away and talks with Seungtae, he asks Seungtae to run away with him but he no longer takes the offer as he realizes his feelings for Yeonny. Sun Jae witnessed this and burns Seungtae's house in the night, thankfully not one died. But Jihoo knows who the culprit is. Old Seungtae finds out that through Jihoo's mom that Sun Jae had confessed killing Jihoo. And informs his past self despite his weak state. With the help of Hye, the two were able to save Jihoo. Jihoo was actually planning to kill himself with Sun Jae. As he acknowledges that Sunjae was a psychopath who enjoyed killing things. The four were saved at the end. Jihoo decided to step into a relationship with Yeonny. And Jihoo decided to leave Guemhae with Hye, the two will continue to wander. At the end,Jihoo was saved but we learn that it's in a parallel world. And old Jihoo's life doesn't really change. OldYeonny decided to stay at Seungtae's side and Seungtae realizes his feelings with Yeonny and remain grateful to Yeonny love and loyalty to him despite so many years. But OldYeonny dies fiest and in his despair, Seungtae cries as he says that his life was full of regrets. He was saved by his son from dicing to death and reconciles with his family before his death.