Tikky's manga / #drama(12)

So, I'm not done with this yet, but I'm through chapter 18 now, starting chapter 19 in a minute, and I gotta say a few things for my rating of four stars (as of now): I went into this story rather wary. I saw four male leads, read the synopsis about how the protagonist is going to be chased by them in some kind of game and thought to myself: Is this going to be some dogshit-story about four bastard ML, chasing around the FL, forcing her to come back and become their wife, while already assuming she's their possession, like a bunch of differently abled bobbleheads? Well, to some extent, that premonition wasn't wrong - but it was also incorrect in the right aspects. I was pleased, seeing how they were actually simply missing her, worrying about her, wanting to at least talk to her one last time or know where she even went. As of now, none of them seemed to force her to do anything. Only the crown prince is kinda sus here, as he's actually given out a search warrant, that would have forced the guards who found her to escort her back - seemingly against her will, too. Even if they were supposed to treat her like a royal, it doesn't change the fact that it was only made futile by the fact that they were too late. So I'm still wary every time we get to see the prince. He's also the only one who expressed the desire to make her his wife (including a visual), all of that while never having been in any kind of relationship with her. Then again, they are royals. Even nobles are being married off to strangers, but those are royals. I will give him the benefit of the doubt, as he seemed to be very rational until now, and believe he would accept her saying no, he simply never got the chance to ask, so he wants to have that chance now. Everyone else is fine. The priest was even prompted to think about marriage and didn't bring her up in his thoughts. Wilkins doesn't seem to understand his own feelings either. And Kenneth actually found her, but he never pressed her for anything. That kiss on the forehead? A blessing. We have seen it happen. And if a comerade and friend of a decade, who also fucking saved her life from the brink of death (at least that's what it sounded like to me), isn't close enough to bestow that (in this world) seemingly normal custom upon her, then what about the Maid who did the same thing before? He then went on and simply wished her all the best, mentioning how she should visit them, especially the duke (which is nice, he's basically her father at this point, so he deserves it), at least twice a year, which should really not be too much to ask. And then he went on his way, he didn't linger needlessly and he didn't get on her arse, either. That's how it should be. So why did I take away one star? Of course, it's not because I genuinely can't stand hetero romance, since I came here knowing full well what I was getting into. It's the character of the MC. That's right, it's not the guys this time, as I feared, it's actually her that's the problem. I think she's cool as a knight, the relationship with her brother is quite cute and she's not the worst, in and on itself, but there's so much that annoys me about her. She has been a knight, in and out of battle for a decade, but she's a fucking depressed noodle in this one. It's not like she has PTSD or something, don't get me wrong, she's simply fucking around how she wasn't allowed to be happy, because she's a knight. Who ever said that? You also get to see scenes during the war, where she broke down because she killed people. And then there's people who think she suffered the most? She didn't even lose a limb or anything. Don't you think, people who died, had important people killed, lost a limb or too, would have gone through whatever she went through (maybe minus the close-to-death thing, but that seems to have not much of an impact on her, seeing as it was only mentioned after Kenneth first appeard and not even right away), additionally to whatever happened to them, too? It something every knight and even non-knights would have to go through during war. But the way she behaved was too weak. She doesn't come across as a strong knight, but rather a weak willed damsel with low self-esteem, who happened to be good at carrying a sword. Someone who can't cope with the deeds done during war to that extent is NOT cut out to be a knight at all! I'm not saying she shall slaughter everything without batting an eye, for sure every soldier carries scars similar to hers, but she's being melodramatic to a fault. She should've been sent home the moment she broke down in that flashback. You can't trust someone like that to actually go on and doing what is needed in the battlefield. There could be a time where she just can't kill someone, because that person seems to be too pitiful, or whatever the reason, endangering everyone in her vicinity. But that aside: It's the way she treated the male leads. Yes, you are the most important person in your own world, you need to look after your own feelings first and blahblahblah, but other people have feelings, too. She has been around this bunch for nothing short of a decade; they fought, laughed, cried together and had each other's back in bloody battles. You might not understand what I'm saying, but she actually owes them a last goodbye, everything else is cowardly and simply unfair. They deserve their last goodbye, it's a miracle they weren't simply angry at her dismissing their feelings on a whim and keeping her in mind with a bad memory. They didn't even really blame her, they simply tried to find her. Let's imagine: There's a lot of ordinary knights who also fought alongside her. Some - probably a lot, even - of them are of common birth. They also adored her, as it seems from whatever we have seen until now. But can they even afford a fraction of what those four mains could do in order to search for her whereabouts? Like, telling Duke Holton to see his help as them owing him one? I don't think they are worth that much, to be honest. It's just that those four can actually do something to find her in that vast space of possible hideouts, that they can do what they are doing. She wasn't just a bitch to the four male leads, she was an even bigger bitch to all of her peers. She seemingly only bade farewell to the duke and that certain maid (by chance). So, how would you feel if you went to a party with someone and that someone suddelny fucks off without even waving from afar? You would probably be livid. Now this isn't the same occasion, as they weren't in this together specifically, but it is very similar and unlike today, they don't even have cellphones or the internet to keep some kind of contact. Being gone like that, it's basically impossible to contact someone without knowing their exact location. It seems they want to make it look as if she was that girl who can't read the room and has no self-awareness, so it must be cute how she thinks no one cares about her. But she literally hurt people with her behaviour. Would it have been so hard to talk to them one last time, maybe telling them goodbye, giving them her new address and telling them they could contact her if something comes up or come visit if they have time? Even if it's just lipservice, as she thought they didn't care about her, but she would have tied up all lose ends with that and they would have had the chance to say farewell, maybe even tried to make her understand how she's loved by all of them in the first place. I get it, the story wouldn't have happened if that was the case, but they could've just changed the premise. Make her go because of her brother, thinking they were also just doing some lipservice, being suprised about how sincere they actually are. Of course, there would be no chase, then. But this is trying to create conflict where there didn't need to be any and that is sad. It doesn't make the story better, if you can't think of a scenario that works better, but still want it to go however you imagined. That's why this could never reach five stars in my eyes, I'm actually pretty annoyed, but well, overall, I'm just relieved the male leads aren't a bunch of dickweeds (at least no yet, anyway).