I'm stunned, honestly. I have never seen such rich themes developed in such short chapters. The art, the expressions, the dialogue, the plot, everything was flawless from beginning to end.
The themes that hit me hardest were oppressive religious practice, the cycle of abuse, repentance, tragedy of life, adulthood, and love.
First of all, religion is not for everyone. There are many different types of religions and philosophies, each with their own offshoots and fanatics. What I think Alan was experiencing was Evangelical fanaticism. Both parents were probably brought up in an extremely restrictive, religious community. And since Alan was physically weak and didn't display total devotion and reverence to God, they punished him. Obviously, that is a completely toxic environment because they took it out on him emotionally and physically. Props to Alan for being able to recognize the abuse.
That brings me to my second theme, the cycle of abuse. Alan and Hayden faced numerous traumatic experiences almost too horrific to mention. Sexual, emotional, and physical abuse permanently scarred the MCs, and we can see the aftereffects throughout the story. I really liked the way the PTSD of both characters' traumatic experiences. Instead of healing it with "the power of love" and subsequently ignoring it, both characters tried their best to face their demons and come to terms with what happened to them and attempt to move on. That plot line was beautifully portrayed and I really appreciated it. However, the aftereffects of dealing with that trauma led to their decision in the end.
Another huge theme that dominated the story line was that of repentance. Especially in Alan's arc, it's one of the most visible issues he has to face. While one of Alan's demons, he also finds forgiveness in himself through it. Even though he bears many scars from religion and the Church, he still goes out of his way to visit and reflect. The scene at the end where he shoots the pedophile and then the sculpture of Jesus crucified is satisfying to me, and wraps up the theme of repentance and self-forgiveness quite well. By shooting the priest, he is erasing one of the largest contributors to his trauma, and sets himself free from that baggage. Similarly, by shooting crucified Jesus, he finally forgives himself and comes to terms with himself and the people that were in his life. He also releases that mental burden of God as a hindrance to his wants and needs, and finally finds a way to cope with himself.
However, the somewhat bleak and miserable tone that the story carries from the beginning to almost the end is a reflection of the two MCs view that life is somewhat inherently tragic. They both came from terrible environments and they, at some level, try to seek salvation in each other to reconcile the past trauma. Hayden is constantly trying to outrun his past by moving from place to place, while Alan is trying to escape the grip his religious trauma and abuse has on him. At the end of the story, however, the tone changes. They both know it's the end of the road, and they release themselves from the weight of life and take the leap.
But, there is love. Through each other, they loved. Both came from environments that had a distinct lack of love and respect. They both experienced some of the extremes in negligence and abuse, and that was what made it so hard to confront themselves. However, with the help and support of one another, they try to stop paying for the burden of their parents' mistakes. And they're successful. However, in doing so, they ended up being hunted and eventually dying at the hands of adults.
The one last thing I want to point out is adults, and the fear of becoming them. Both Hayden and Alan use their constant travel as a way to escape adults and adulthood. They are both trying to outrun the people that inflicted harm, and those happened to be adults. I think by running away, they both subconsciously desired to stay forever young, free of the influences of those people and eventually, the responsibilities of age. Escapism was a trauma response, and it worked, until the very end. I think part of the reason they decided to end it that way was to remain as they were, young and unburdened. That desperation to escape was possibly part of the reason it had to end that way.
All in all, ugly crying at 2 AM regardless, this is a masterpiece, and I cannot emphasize that enough. Truly a beautiful story. I hope they are happier, wherever they are.
Haruka Tooki Ie