pinkstarred's manga / #depressing(3)

This one hurt to read. It's one of my first's and the manipulation and love is heartbreaking. Update: I finally get to read more and it was painful the whole way through. I think it's an incredible characterization of three different people and how their stories intertwine. Is Shinitani's love real? He seemingly is the only one who actually understands what love should be yet fails to fight his feelings for both men despite what they do. Face it, every single character has done something bad, not one of them is innocent. Sudo is seemingly the biggest criminal and offender, but he never once covered up, he was honest about his bad character. And the author reveals his past to show us just how pitiful he is which only further draws Shinitani. Haruma the clear favorite, a dumb loveable puppy to a fault. But he is responsible for endangering Shinitani and his fam in the first place. We see him change and grow with the gentleness and kindness of Shinitani and just wants to be loved. It's clear he will thrive in a good environment. He honestly would be better off with someone else, but will other be able to look beyond his past and give him a chance? Does he have the strength? I think that Shinitani loses himself to Sudo because he accepts him as is, ugly and all. And despite the clear hurt that Sudo has continuously put him through he wants to help and be with him... There seems to be a consensus that Shinitani is the worst of all, but I'm not so sure. He was brought into this mess because of Haruma and dived deeper into it for him. Honestly their "romantic" relationship was a horrible start right from the beginning. He does hide his twisted, thrill seeking side well, but I don't think he is bad. It's like he is too kind which is what got him involved in all this in the first place. His kink is what it is... but both Haruma and Sudo accept him. ( Mainly bc no one else has treated them well before.) This story is so complicated and really makes me think and continue reading to see what happens. And to me that's what makes a good story. I wonder if this will end up as poly thing? Or everyone will split up or will they die? Can't wait to see what happens. Thanks so much for updating this title, I've been waiting for years.

A masterpiece! I read this all day on Christmas and couldn't put it down, what a great gift. So many feels. A truely well crafted plot that rips your heart out and then gently cradles it and leaves you wanting more of this dark twisted emotional story. One of the best mangas I've come across.

Third Vol: Finally! They should of broken up long ago. They are not got for each other. Hopefully things will get better for each of them now. Brad would make a much better partner for Cole. And hopefully Cole can be a good one too, with work and help. Tho I think he should be single for awhile and just play around coz i think he needs that. To learn how to live by himself and understand that other people desire him as he is. And i think that will help with self image and help him to grow and find out the person he really wants to be. A person without Alex, he is not the only option. Second Vol: I’m shocked they’re still together tbh. And gosh Cole is the biggest hypocrite ever. He was so paranoid about cheating and then does it himself. Also never once has Alex been that dismissive sex crazy person he makes him out to be in his head. He’s been very forthcoming and said he wanted more then just sex and even accepts what you’re willing to give him. I actually like Brad...now don’t get me wrong like the cheating was bad. Very bad. He was a horrible friend but I think he is trusting Cole on his word and likes him enough to take a chance. I almost kind of think he moved on him to see if he could love a man... and when he realized he liked him he was honest and immediately moved. But he actually seems he would make someone a good partner. But yeah...a shitty friend. So thats questionable. But Cole need to figure his shit out. Like by himself, he needs to figure out to be himself and love himself. I pity him and can’t really root for him. He’s very hard to like. I’m so conflicted when I read this story. Sometimes we do reallly shitty stuff and then we grow and become better people. At least he admitted having an equal relationship is something he wants and his isnt that right now. So reflection is something i think. Update: Okay, I reread it with the new chapters. And Yes, their relationship is unhealthy, even they know this. Cole would benefit from counseling i think. He clearly has trust issues, low self esteem when it comes to Alex and has no idea how to be in a relationship. I can understand why he is so insecure, but it doesn’t even look like he is trying to change. Which is why they are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Threatening to kill yourself and ofc your partner is abusive. He needs help. And I agree with Cole, what exactly keeps you coming back? Like he said, all they do is **** or at least thats all we see. They both kind of suck at communicating esp Cole. Alex has tried to reassure him and make his intentions clear tho. But I really think Cole has no idea how to be a good partner. You shouldn’t just do what they say, discussing how you feel is only gonna make your relationship closer. The second volume does look promising though, like they may actually be growing. But that “friend” is definitely gonna screw it up. Surprisingly this story was sort of fucked up. Like I've read my fair share of fucked up situations, but this one really bothered me. And I think it was because the characters were kind of unlikable and toward the end I had no more sympathy. At least for Cole, this was such a destructive relationship and they both knew it, which I think is what was so utterly depressing about it. But there was zero character development, he didn't try to talk it out or anything but went straight suicide/gun threats because he couldn't live without Alex? More like his dick, all they did was fuck and that was clearly the problem. I mean I do actually feel for Alex because he fell for this broken person, but like he didn't exactly do anything to repair the relationship. And I don't know... This just was not what I expected. And that end scene with Alex bitterly laughing as he realizes nothing has changed as Cole asks yet again if he'll cheat with girls. Just wow... I actually cried a bit. And why did they never have any real conversation at all? On a positive note, I loved the art style, it had a stark sketchy feel and I like they weren't your typical body types with Cole being quite skinny. I think I took this way too seriously for story with almost no plot. Wow, this was long, enough of my ranting. The end.