bokutotiddies's manga / #toxic(3)

heres the thing. i hate this already. im like 2 chapters in and its not bc its not a good story i can just tell its gonna hurt me. maybe ill love it idk. but my heart is HEAVILY guarded bc i can just feel its gonna suck. not the plot, again, but the outcome of it. i know jowoon is endgame. so at least ik who not to get attached too right but still. im scared. ok imma go back to reading. joowon seems like kind of an asshole but i like him anyways LOL. this story has an interesting way of making me feel like im in a toxic relationship of my own. which i was, so its literally me just relating to everything. as someone whos been in a toxic relationship before, haesoo's thoughts are painfully relatable. man this shit is so good tho. the "toxicity" is addicting just like a toxic relationship is. its incredible for a story to make you feel that way about characters you barely know. im at 36 and yknow, its hard to really explain my feelings in words but i still like joowon better. taekyung is interesting and honestly the more attractive to me out of the two but i cant like his personality tbh. hes not a victim of all this either bc hes interjecting himself in a relationship that has no room for anyone else on purpose. joowon has issues for sure and its bc of the fact that he evades communicating honestly that their relationship is like that but his feelings are genuine and i can see that he wants to have something real with haesoo but just cant bc of the circumstances. it all hits too close to home and i just see myself too much in haesoo. as someone who enjoys photography, the artistic shots and every chapter cover photo are sooooooooooo gorgeous im so fucking obsessed. i love this shit so much. i might not be rooting for taekyung but i love his pictures so much. i really like his view on things too. hes very laid back but also super introspective. i just wanna say, taekyung pushes every single right button. like he says ALL THE RIGHT THINGS for someone like haesoo or i. i really like how he talks to haesoo tbh. haesoo and joowon are my babies at this point. i love them sm and i think theyre both a couple of idiots but i truly want them to work this out and the happiness that i couldnt. i hope they get it together soon bc im really tired of haesoo having to rely on taekyung instead. pls joowon, just be fucking honest. chapter 58: ughhhhhh it hurts. it hurts sm. joowons at least being fucking honest but haesoo still isnt. fuck i mean ig i understand why but fuck. what the fuckkkk. im so sad for both of them. mainly joowon. i dont get what could happen at this point for haesoo to change his mind. i really hope it isnt like "taekyung chose his career over me so ig ill make shit work with joowon" type of thing. doubt it will be but still. fuuuuck. i have a headache and i cant tell if its bc of this or not. JOOWONNNNN :((((( bb. ik u wont but you really should consider finding something new and starting fresh. sigh this rejection and humiliation doesnt suit you at all. i wish you could move on. yknow WHAT i say that im on joowons side and all but taekyung prescene and impact is so huge like he rly does be stating absolute FACTS. i really hope he serves as the catalyst for them to both change their ways. yknow. what this really gives me anxiety about tho is the fact maybe ill never be able to completely move on and forget everything. just like haesoo cant even when hes had the perfect night with the perfect guy in a perfect relationship. its hard to forget the first person who made you feel so alive. in that sense, i wish he would just move on from joowon but truthfully i dont at all. its the way that haesoo imagines joowon to be at some grand event dressed up and having the time of his life when hes actually alone at home thinking about haesoo and inches away from hitting rock bottom. sigh. why does it all have to be so hard. i hate watching haesoo and taekyung fuck. its horrible to me. ugh. i just realized they never made a character serve as the purpose of making haesoo jealous for joowon and its kind of a shame. i want him to realize how miserable he'd be if joowon put him in the same situation right now. but then again its situations like that which lead them to this fuckin disaster of a relationship. joowon u stupid cutiepie you. i hate you but nowhere near much i love you. mina best girl btw, shes great and funny i wanna be just like her. if hes got nothing else by the end of this at least taekyung has some great friends by his side :,). ahhhhh. im finally done. after countless hours and almost 4 days. probably the longest ive spent reading a manhwa fs. i loved it but i also didnt. im definitely happy with the ending and ofc as an avid joowon stan i never wavered for even a second but it was rough to see taekyung and haesoo in a relationship for so long. they really didnt have much chemistry at all imo. its like what happens when two introverts are together, just so much overthinking and little actual payback. that said, joowons a manipulative and condescending lil bitch for an extrovert sometimes. its ok tho he suffered enough. ive said this before but i relate heavily to haesoo and his character gave me a lot of comfort in a sense. a lot of feelings that ive had felt validated by him and i wanted him to do better for himself. its like yelling at urself basically. overall it was definitely a very emotionally exhausting story and i had to take tons of breaks, read a few comforting stories inbetween and do a lot of analysis and comparisons to my own life while reading. i enjoyed it though. i do want to reread, especially to save the beautiful cover art and appreciate the art a second time but idk if i could go thru the whole taekyung parts again and joowon being pitiful scenes. ive never experienced smut as rewarding as the final sex scene. after everything they went thru, it was well needed and so well done. for the things i didnt like - first of all, the timeskip. i hate that shit, and tho i understand why their characters needed a break from e/o or whatever it made no sense to me that they lived apart for 3 whole years and only now really started a proper relationship. two, the fucking note that joowon wrote. fucking DUMBASS. it was so sweet and honest and it woudlve been fucking perfect but that absolute blockhead ripped it up before it got to haesoo. im so mad. i had anxiety that he wouldnt ever see it and then it actually happened. fucking hell. tbh this got to me the most. third, i wanted them to communicate more. i can obvi tell that haesoo is abundantly happy with joowon and hes super open and shares all parts of his life w him now which is lovely but idk i just want them to be mushy and honest about their feelings for once. they cant just rely on 'i love you's forever to get across all their feelings uknow? ugh these two really do just think too much. relatable tho. anyways yeah idk 10/10 whatever. oh i should say - this is beautifully written. i dont even know how its by the same ppl as fools. fools was also great but it had no where near this kind of depth and realism. i feel like the author MUST have experienced a toxic relationship themselves or smth bc sheesh it called me out way too often. everything was defined so well and the analogies were so interesting and sometimes kinda funny. the characters have SO mcuh depth to them and its apparent from the moment u meet all of them. this whole story just has a life of its own really and thats what sucks you in so easily. good shit, truly.