Banana's manga / #jerk seme(1)

I recommend it to everyone who wanna get heartache I know its a BE as it tagged tragedy, but I expect it hurt this much. I almost cried every chapter, especially the half afterwards 40chapters, I keep crying nonstop. It's so beautiful yet it hurts so much. When the last few chapters, I was reminded that zhishu had asked 'why won't you treat me a little better, you are going to lose me' something similar to that when jiang wenxu is sleeping. Now that wenxu lost him, my tears flow with anger but more like sorrow. I felt like I throw up when I read this manhua. The way zhishu said his last words with simile hurtsssss me, like in the end, he can't help but still loving him so much that he thinks about him, dreams about him.. The sorrow of love.. depends on the depth of love.. For jiang wenxu, well I hate him, but later when I see him suffer, I just wanna blame him, blame him why he's not treat Zhishu a little better before, I don't really care if he died or not, maybe it's better for him to alive. IMHO, I actually think jiang wenxu loved him so much too as he said to the boy that he don't like the boy(I'm referring to the one who cheat w him)(sry I'm not sure abt the name) I guess to jiang wenxu, zhishu is a important person but he just thought he will never leave him, abandon him. He thought that's 'okay' as long as he didn't complain about it. I don't actually hate him to death but I'll never forgive his sins, not to mention he actually hurt two lives. (ps my throat hurt so much;-;)