Gay for the Gay God's manga / #Psychological(134)

Alrighty, lemme break this down for you as a psych student who focuses on sexuality and LGBT issues. What happened here is that Nii-chan was abused, okay? Now, he was born gay (because that's how that shit works), but he was also abused. He also didn't realize it, as some children don't (I mean I didn't figure out my abuse until like high school). His parents, being homophobic assholes, were like "YOU WERE MADE GAY BECAUSE HE RAPED YOU!" Since Nii-chan had no support at home (he was exposed to "reparative therapy" which is considered glorified torture and is illegal in many places. look up some stories for the details bc it is horrifying), he didn't get to deal with the issues that come with being sexually abused. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that being gay and being a pedophile were the same thing (no) and that all male-on-male relationships involved one person dominating the other (also no). This could have been avoided if his parents made the distinction between pedophilia and being gay, but they were dicks so they didn't. Anyway, Nii-chan saw Yui as a kid and saw himself. As is common with victims of abuse, especially those who don't actually get support, he restarted the cycle. He reenacted his abuse with Yui. This fucks Yui up, too, but he keeps his sexuality under wraps so he doesn't end up exactly like Nii-chan. When Yui meets Nii-chan again, he is still interpreting their relationship as "love" (it's complicated), and, as Yui learns more about Nii-chan, he starts to put together what happened. Nii-chan is so angry because he never really got to accept himself as gay; his entire life his parents equated that to the abuse he endured. He doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship because the only male-on-male relationship he knows of was sexual abuse. He also has internalized his homophobia, which is why he tries to avoid being the bottom during sex. Yui forces this on him (which is of itself morally dubious, but we'll ignore that for now) so that Yui can attempt to force Nii-chan to accept his sexuality as not being the result of abuse, and maybe start leading them both towards a healthier relationship. Fast forward to their reuniting. In that scene where Nii-chan is so scared of kissing Yui in public (internalized homophobia + aversion "therapy" + sexual abuse = someone who is probably not comfortable with their sexuality), it becomes obvious what the problem was: Nii-chan was gay, and, like I mentioned before, was also so fucked up that he reenacted his abuse with Yui. He was legitimately scared. Now, this doesn't excuse his actions. Child sexual abuse is a serious topic, as I know firsthand. This is just a sort of explanation of what was going on.

Well that was certainly something.

I have no idea how to feel about this one other than MORE. MORE. I hunger for more of this messed-up brokenness.

I don't know what's gonna happen, but I can't wait to find out!

Man, the story was interesting.

Oh, hey, accurate psych info! And grounding techniques! That's actually how one deals with a panic attack! Good job!

Fun fact: I have a virgin fetish. I love this. So much. It is so fucking hot. Yes. Good. God.

This is a weird one... But I'm into it? Kinda? I think?

That scene where Aoi keeps checking to see if Shouta is alive when they're sleeping so Shouta wakes up earlier than him always makes me cry. This story is beautiful and sad and somehow pure. It's just perfect, and oddly realistic.

This story touches on mental illness in such an interesting way. It's beautiful and fucked up all at once.