Rae D.'s manga / #honorable mention(76)

(not in proper timeline order) so ummmmm..... no one could ever know I was into this....... this was.... very messed up and hard to stomach at times.... it was also immensely hot..... Okay so basically most of the time I’m reading smut it’s BL. Most of the time I’m reading smutty BL, I am self-inserting as the bottom. But lately, I’ve been reading smut BL and self-inserting as the top. Not because I want to top really bad or dominate, but because the bottom is wildly enticing and I want him beneath me. This BL was basically created for any women who self-inserts as the top in the BL they read. It’s the only time I have ever encountered this: a story written like a BL (with all the usual BL tropes) but it’s not a BL because the couple is heterosexual.... how? And no, I do t mean a woman who is a top and a man who is a bottom. I truly mean a man who is a top and a woman who is a bottom and the woman is not even dominant/a power bottom or anything like that, she’s just a regular woman bottom but the man? Well he’s not exactly what I would call a submissive top in bed but....... ahhhh his personality and demeanor all in all in general is screeeeeeeaming “submissive and breedable”. Except he is also at times screaming “shoujo romcom love interest you got wet for”. I have never said the phrase “this awakened something in me” and meant it as much as I did after reading this. I want a Noah waaaaaaaaay more than I wish I did; I hurts how much I want him. He is a perfect mix of everything I love in my fav BL tops and everything I would love in a bottom if I were a BL top. And by that I don’t in any way mean he’s a mix like he’s in the middle or like, a switch. No. Not in the middle. He is both all and none but nothing in between. Nothing lukewarm ever, at all times he is either the perfect top, the perfect bottom, or both at once. It’s incredible to me. Now, let’s talk about where and why this submissive part of him is problematic. Not much to explain: it's clearly due to him being abused ever since he hit puberty (and then some before when he was a child and live with his first foster family). Ugh, I barely want to go into detail about this part because it makes me so uncomfy how hot I find the part of him that seemingly could only exist because he is a victim of extreme sexual abuse. The only way to make things better is for me to accept the idea that a man can exist with the same aspects of Noah that I love about him, without having to have the same trauma he has and well...... I struggle to convince myself of that fully. Anyway, seeing him be sexually abused makes me sad and turns me on. I am not turned on by the idea of him being abused or in pain. I am turned on by the idea of him being forced to experience pleasure and show vulnerable parts of himself in ways that men never ever do irl. That's partially the appeal of BL in the first place for me. Anyway..... one day I will revisit this and flesh out that last paragraph and the thoughts I have pertaining to that subject (hence the "let's unpack" label"). But for now let's move onto other things I like about this and/or was impressed by. 1) I liked the main character being able to be a woman who harbor extreme sexual urges and desires, but she most of the main characters find that a good like-able trait in her and not a bad slutty one. I especially like the way Noah and his sister describe her sexual tastes as being "down to earth" and like, natural? It was incredibly nice to hear. Refreshing as fuck and I don't see that often. While that was impressive, what was even moooooore impressive was 2) how poly-accepting/promoting this way! The main two couples swapped partners and had sex with each other at one point and 3 out of the 4 people involved were cool with it. Realistically enough, one of them still thought it was weird and got super jealous, but not in a destructive or problematic manner. Just in a, he is not 100% of the same sexually liberated mind as the rest of them yet. I think without being all "I'm making a point", and just being really natural with it, the author did a phenominal job of showing that different people meet different needs for you at times and as long as the two of you are cool with it, there's nothing wrong with being open about your relationship. Nayeon tells the dude who is not super on board with everything something like "I love Noah and no matter who else I have sex with , he is always the one I will come back to. The same goes for him." Well- I mean it sounded better than that and a bit more nuanced, but you get the vibe. It was so spectacular and made me happy. 3) The way that the story seems to be leaning toward 3 of the main side characters being in a poly relationship with each other (they are lowkey already there for real it's just not official) makes me happy too. I love it. 3.5) on that note, I like the S/M relationship and how it's portrayed between two of those characters as well. It was a nice addition to the story. 4) The last impressive thing in this were the sex scenes. When I say the sex scenes are impressive, I don't mean as impressive as the first three things I said were impressive and not in the same "I've never seen this before"/"this is so rare" way. Nah, they were just soooooooooooo frickin hot to me and really turned me on. (This has a lot to do with all the stuff I said about the different sides of Noah). I don't think I have this many bookmarks on anything I've read thus far. "6") What could have been impressive but fell short of being impressive? The trans representation. I love that character, but the way they handled/described them was just not on point in a way that I forgive because it makes it clear that the author themselves just doesn't seem to be all clear and caught up on terminology for said things. However, their heart was in the right place I think. :) I'll still give the effort points because most of the time trans people are not present at all. Okay, so now let's talk about the rest of the bad things, and wrap this review up. I already mentioned how problematic and messed up the whole "Noah being hot steaming from Noah's past of being abused" thing is as well as the "scenes with Noah's continued abuse are also super hot". Yes, that is not good. However, what I also need to say is just how far the author is taking this shit. Like, that's why people don't like it and said it became unreadable. She just makes things so incredibly bad for Noah from the start and then continues to make things worse and worse as we continue with no reprieve. Noah is obvi a sympathetic character and we love and care about him as readers so its so horrible to have to continue to watch the suffering ramp up in a way that makes it seem like the author doesn't care how sick it is. Yeah, it's fucked and if I could bring myself to stop reading it, I would for this reason alone. :( I'll probably revisit and revise this whole review when the series is finally over. So for now, I am going to give this a 9.2 and keep it pushing. Even with a 9.2 rating though, this here manga is as honorable as honorable mentions go on my list. Just, going to keep the fact that I read this and even more so the fact that I enjoyed it, hidden in the depths of my soul. SIDE NOTE: People in the comments keep villanizing the main character and I just will always think it is very sick and twisted the ways that women (and people in general) are socialized to tear women down the moment said woman steps out of the box of conventionality. Like, truly sick. You dumb fujoshis keep trying to argue about why Noah should be with Doye and it's annoying. You only want them together so it could be like a BL. I'm not going to say y'all are fetishizing gay men cuz I don't know y'all like that but you probs are. Doye is obvi in love or at least romantically obsessed with Noah. That's a given/But Noah was never really in love with that man the way y'all are trying to make it seem like he was. Noah said himself he was just looking for someone to help him cope with his abuse and give him hope of having a family that loves him one day. He was using him, and Doye was alright with that. Nothing was wrong with their relationship, but it wasn't mutual romantic love like that. Noah being able to experience sexual attraction to Doye just means Noah is attracted to men as well as other genders. Noah caring about Doye comes from the fact that Doye was his literal first friend which was made even more special by the fact that Noah was from an abusive household. "Nayeon and Noah feel nothing other than psychical attraction to one another!", they cry. First of all, this is false. Noah is not just attracted to Nayoen psychically/to her body. He is also attracted to her vibes and honest lifestyle and liberal thoughts about sex. That's why he's repeatedly bringing up how "down to earth" he thinks she is and has thought she was since first seeing her. Second of all, even if it was just psychical attraction....okay? is that a fucking crime? Nayeon met a dude she thought was attractive and wanted to bang. She then found out he had some trauma and wounds and was in a bad place and proceeded to feel sorry for him. She doesn't want to take advantage of him though and if he did not clearly pursue her and express his attraction towards he from that point further, nothing would exist between the two of them. Their relationship is respectful and relaxing, and gratifying for them both. Who cares if they aren't in love. They are simply doing what they want to do bro. Should one of them meet someone else who they truly fall in love with I guess they'll cross that bridge when they get there, but not everybody you have meaningful relationships with or care about will be someone you are "in true love with". Niggas need to grow tf up. *rme* As long as Nayeon does not cross into a place where she is fetishizing his trauma, or his sexual fluidity and desires (which in part stem from his trauma), or the state of emotional helplessness/dependency he is in as a result of his trauma, I think everything is fine with this ADULT, CONSENSUAL relationship. Now, if someone wanted to argue that Nayeon has already crossed said line I speak of or at least is beginning to cross it, I wouldn't hold them back because that can def be argued and could have been for some time now. Especially with the latest shit with her going through pretending to be his mother....

This is hands down the funniest thing I have encountered in a long time. I loved it. I love tropes, so 5is was right up my alley. I just love the ridiculous nature of BL tropes most almost haha. Not only that the whole manga but ESPECIALLY the protagonist we’re giving HUGE Saiki K vibes (and that’s a big compliment coming from me!!!) I don’t want this to ever end really lol. They can just keep pumping them out and that’ll be fine with me, The 9.6 rating is legit

I adored this the vibes were soooooo warm and comfy. Not even wholesome, just super duper hilarious and really comforting. I could continue reading this forever it felt like. Everything was great. It gets a 9.45 for me. Why couldn’t it get a 9.5? The depth didn’t go far enough for that and the un-detailed sex scenes + alone time for the main couple were sparingly dispersed throughout. Alluded to and joked about Han anything else. PS: something about top being a cool good-looking conglomerate president yet also a super childishly horny otkaku + crybaby was refreshing af. Riyota = best boi.

So.... where to even start.... I do not regret reading this. I was on the fence about reading it sooooo much because the comments are super hot and cold with lots of people saying don't read it is it absolute rape-romanticizing scum and the other half saying despite the toxicity it was worth the read. Which camp do I ultimately fall in? Omph, unfortunately(?) the latter lol. I very much enjoyed myself reading this multiple times throughout. Let's be clear, this is one of the most egregious romantisization of rape I have ever witnesses in a BL and by one of the worst tops I have ever seen. Like, sheeeesh, it's a bit hard to find another top in a BL of this rating who treated their bottom quite thissssssss bad. Keith was... man it don't get much worse than Keith. As for what made the portrayal of rape so bad here, it wasn't just that the top rapes the bottom and then they still get together or even that the bottom forgives the top... no no no, the bottom literally tells the top, "you did nothing wrong; I was wrong" and it's just like, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm wtf? Lol, like big wtf? Not just rape, but all kinds of physical and emotional violence this man inflicted, man he was so horrible and you tell him he actually did nothing wrong? Yikes, why'd we have to do some shit like that? Then to make matters worse when the bottom almost gets raped by someone else the top not only does not give a hoot, but also says "ugh, you're being such an inconvenience, why didn't you just let it happen?" and blames him for it and says he was playing innocent even though he knows he really wanted it. Disgusting. So yeah, that sums up the worst part of this. Other bad parts, I get upset when bottoms don't have self-respect and simp for tops who do them consistently dirty. So that p'd me off a ton. Personally, I hate it when tops have the nerve to be trash but they not even cute enough to make up for it so that also upset me tons lol. Even if they had to get together, I absolutely hate it when tops never end up apologizing for the shit they did. Keith literally never did. Hate this man, lol. Yeah, those were all of the complaints plot/character-wise. Other complaints though? I hated how the BL would skip time in the most random places at the most random times without doing enough transition-wise to make it smooth or sometimes even enough explanation-wise to make things make sense. It was jarring and not cute at all and disrupted the flow of the BL. It also seemed hella lazy tbh. On a similar note (and this is not the author's fault), the translation was alllllll over the place and often didn't make sense and that sucks but what ya gonna do I guess? It seriously did take me out of the BL though, to have this many different translation errors and screw ups. Not to mention image quality as well, *sigh*, oh well. Now, for the good stuff..... This could be made into a series of three movies. I can literally see it. When I say that I don't mean that it could as in ti could happen because omegaverse is wildly too niche for the mainstream movie world to handle atm so no, but I mean it in a way that's like daaaamnm I'd watch these movies. I'd direct the adaptation too lol. I feel like I know exactly what needs to be cut out, added, and changed to make this work. Hahah, yeah. Bottom baby get the BBB tag because even though he was a pathetic little no-self-respect-having simp headass nigga for his abusive daddy for most of this, he also managed to be a bad bitch too. His revenge plot was PHENOMENAL. Lolololol, I'm not saying the plan itself or the execution were great from a technical standpoint because there were obviously flaws in the plan and the execution didn't go well because he didn't get away with it ultimately lol. But I mean the emotional-intent behind it, the unexpected nature of it, and the specific dialogue that occurs in the prime moments to make it happen, as well as the speed with which the situation escalated afterwards after hell broke loose. UGHHHHHH I liveeeeee for the dramaaaaaa hahahahah. Best part of the whole thing and something I don't think I'll ever forget man that was mmmmm I was eating that bitch up- living for it!!!! Hahah, as if the MC being bounty chased wasn't enough, him and top jumping out of a movie car while shooting a gun to escape from being kidnapped happening directly after? Ugh, mwha chef's kiss. There was so much blood. The MC giving his last words like he was gonna die in that helicopter scene when they were rescued?Ugh omg I'm fangirling too much I fucked heavy with this entire middle part. Also, ima keep it real theses scenes were pretty hot and heavy throughout. They were fucked like animals and we love a bottom who is active and vocal during the deed. Hahahha anyway, that's all I'll really say for now. I think I talked enough about the good and the bad. I'm truly going to give this a 9.3 which is controversial AS FUCK given the what I said about it romanticizing rape but no one has to know I'm giving it this rating but myself lolol, yikes, but hehe. It was giving big time/medium time Viewfinder vibes- which is to say it was FLAMING HOT DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH LOL. But yall know I problematically love that shit. Guilty as charrrrrrged. SO yep - a 9.3 it is :3 PS: Dane was FOINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AF! SWEET MERCY ME

Okay so let’s be clear.... this was not me at to get anyone off, lol. It’s one of those BL’s that basically shounen ai but has one random 1/2-3/4’s of a sex scene so then technically it’s not shounen ai anymore. MC was so frickin cute and a bit funny hehe. It was adorable and realistic in many small ways (the bottom has pubic hair!). Also the MC seems to be potentially demisexual. He confesses to be 23 years old and know he is gay and attracted to men romantically but has never really had any sexual desires. Even after the relationship begins and they start touching each other more, it still doesn’t quite to be there for him. He tries to try to push himself for the sake of his partner but the top stops him and says they’ll go at the same pace (thinking it’s just that the bottom isn’t ready yet). I like how even if the MC turns out to be demi, he still wanted to have sex because he wanted to pleasure his partner and then he ended up enjoying it a bit himself to so like yeah I’m just rambling a lil now but ultimately this whole BL was a gem! It gets the 9.4 it deserves. (PS: The MC being a plant otaku and us taking multiple moments out of the BL to not just randomly spew plant facts, but to really learn about something cool and in a detailed lecture style manner was wonderfully cute.)

So I liked this a lot. Jus not quite enough to give it a 9.6. I’m giving it a 9.55 tho. The plot was really whatever+. The SMUT tho?!?! Wheeeew chile. Man, wow. Um, mhmmm yeah. So this too, a bunch of bdsm fantasies I had and didn’t have and depicted them but like other BL did not stop short. Nah, they truly went ahead and went all the way with that shot. Ran with it even. Yeah. That was good lol. Probably the healthiest depiction of BDSM I’ve seen in a BL so far and my fav too. That why this has an honorable mention tag. It would also have a “can I has this top?” tag too- and I mean it really almost did- if it weren’t for Cha Sowin’s social ineptitude. Cha Sowin in bed? Hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah daddy (or should I say, master? ). Cha Sowin in a social setting with people other than Jononi? Ewwww. Like, it’s one thing to be like, “I’m a bad boy and I do what I want so people are too scared to talk to me at school”. Like, we can do that and that can be fine. But “I am not a bad boy, I’m just rudely cold to people and they dislike me because I seem to act like I’m better than everyone else”? Hell no ick ick ick. That’s not hot at all. An ideal partner is kind to people other than myself. Even if Cha Sowin tried changing that part of him because Jooni told him to, it’s still not acceptable that he wasn’t goin to do that on his own at his big age. Whatever, Jooni is a sweet sweet precious adorable hot foine ass baby fox and I love him so very much. His backstory also made me wanna cry a wittle bit

So, theeeee DRAMA?!?!?! Ugh it was here bro and it was good. Not even like messy or complicated drama, nah. Simple and poignant drama. Overall it truly did deserve the 9.5. Heart was going toki doki fr bro. Like, the sex was good yes yes it was but just the romance of it all really made it so that even if the sex wasn’t there, I would be having a great time. On top of that the sex itself was giving romance big time and attention to detail and not just tryin to get me off but really trying to show exactly what’s going on are by step lol I love that. That part where MC breaks up with singer dude almost made me cry for real that emotional impact of that scene was rich af. It was just impressive and nostalgic almost because I haven’t read something that had me squealing like a middle school girl in a minute. Their relationship was tender. Both parties in it were such sweetheart headasses. MC was HILARIOUS at random moments. Like, not usually at all. He’s usually all sweetie Bankhead but when it comes time t clap back at someone who is not his boo or his friends? Oh he do it with the quickness . Um, only main problem is that it did drag a wee bit at the end/could have benefited from being about 7-10 chapters shorter than it was. Oh and something else that’s not really a problem, but I just didn’t care for the second couple in the slightest. Actually, had we cut out all of their story the first problem I just named would maybe be eliminated lol.

This here is… one of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. This is one of my most pleasurable of guilty pleasures. Oh my goodness. I am simply smitten. My first ploy relationship in fiction ever. It makes me so happy. My heart is so full. I really needed to see that I think, like I really did. I feel like it’s opened up my worldview literally. I’ve been identifying as poly for a while now (about 3 years) but it’s always been more of a vague concept- never something I ever thought about to concretely. And that’s in large part because of how little representation there is like, anywhere. Obvi it won’t be on mainstream tv or romance anime considering the time. But the fact that I couldn’t even find it in BL really shows just how non-favorably polyamory is viewed today. So this BL here? Did something kind of revolutionary for me. Did some toxic shit happen? Hella yeah, Kou and Ginga did some truly unforgivable shit to Yuu. However, I’m quite willing to overlook it. Why? Multiple reasons. Is it because of how much I like this being poly? Yeah, that too. But also because of the way that the artist sculpted a particular tone and vibe throughout this story. It’s a tone that allows the reader to really suspend their disbelief as well as the nitty gritty parts of their morality for the sake of making this story work. She truly allowed me to grant myself a full escape from reality. It’s not just that the MC is okay with those toxic things, but it’s more so the way he responded and the way the two of them responded in he aftermath that’s made it work. Just enough condemning the bad thing, just enough them being genuinely sorry and knowing they don’t have a valid excuse, but most importantly the MC not forgiving them because is illusioned into thinking abuse = love/okay because of love. But more so him thinking “well that was horrible but I love these guys and won’t stop loving them so I will choose to forgive them and whip them into shape so that we can all move forward into a happy future that is happy not just because I have them but happy because I chose it of my own will”. Idk, I don’t think I explained that well, but that’s good enough for now. Anyway, the art was very mediocre. But the sex scenes, humour, characters, plot, and dialogue?????????????????? Waaaay up there bro!!!!! Me thinks if this BL had good art on top of that I’d pass out from joy before I could finish reading . This BL is a prime example of dirty talk done right. Oh and the characters all felt so real and I got t know and love each one of the three. The rapport they have with one another is also phenomenal. No cop outs around here bro they all loved each other dearly and I could feel it through the page. No matter which two out of three you pick to put in a separate room, the vibes in that room will be stupendous. We really denounced the idea of depending on tropes to tell the story with this one in one million ways. Were tropes present? I mean yeah, but that’s not a bad thing. So many of these tropes were tweaked slightly to really make them a new thing of its own. Instead of one trope per character and that character’s personality being based 90% on that trope with the other 10% being other quirks, each character basically got two tropes that almost directly contradicted each other to work with as groundwork and the the character was fleshed out built to fullness from there. They’re so multi-faceted, good looking, funny, and lovable. Overall, the traits of this that I like are not present only in this BL (aside from the polyamory). However, it isn’t often that I see all of those traits fall into one single BL and wrapped up so wholesomely with a smutty bow on top. This author has garnered my praise. I’m giving this a 9.4. PS: I tagged with “f’ed up” just to be honest and consistent. Even though I didn’t quite mind

This was the good kind of messy rollercoaster lol. I like the ones like this. They have a 9.0-9.2 rating on here and people in the comments have mixed reviews but they are almost guaranteed to be entertaining hahah. Anyway, yes I was entertained and not only that, I laughed- often. It was actually sooooo funny to me but not in a super regular way lol. The dialogue and ridiculousness of the characters would kill me. The art style did keep me from reading this from a loooong time but it pulled a K's Secret where the author got sooooo significantly better at art while writing the story so the characters all started looking better too. In particular MAN was Sihoon not hot at all when we started this ugh. He really was not. But by the end *swooooon*. This kind of sucks for me personally because I was already swooning for him while he was ugly because of the way he would act. So i wish he was as hot as he is at the end in the beginning because that would have greatly increased my simp factor for him. Oh, well I can't lie I still like him sooo much and want him irl so bad. MC here really living my dreams and I'm so sick. *vomits*. Now, these sex scenes???? I can't even fucking lie to you they were hot bro they were hot. Even when Sihoon was ugly oomph his whole demeanor is SUCH a turn-on for me ooooooooh ugh I caaaaaaan't. Like, oh my goodness there are way too many things I can say for how Sihoon was working these goddamn sex scenes. It be the small things that set him apart for me. Not only did he have regular looking nipples as a top, but he also greatly enjoyed having MC suck on them??????????????? (like he was all moaning and gapsing and shit ooooooooooooowwwweeeeeeee so HOT)

So mangago told me that this story was written by the same author who wrote Heaven & Hell Roman Co. (I think that's what it's called). I found that BL a complete disappointment. I absolutely loved the art style (soooo much), and the concept was interesting too. However, in my review for that I trashed the storytelling because it truly was so bad. Like man, the author was such a good artist with an interesting idea on her hands, but was simply unable to tell a story in a way that made sense/that people could follow. Ultimately, despite that BL's positives, it was that poor storytelling that ruined the whole thing for me. So because of how I felt about that, I was COMPLETELY surprised that I ended up being such a fan of this one here!!!! Like yes, I knew I would love the art because I adore this art style by this author. But the storytelling here was sooooooo much better than in H&H. H&H came out in 2016 and this here came out 2021, so the whole time I was reading this I kept thinking, "OMGGGGGG author-san (author-nim?) I am soooooo happy for you. You imporved so much! I know this must have taken some work on your part and I'm proud girly. I dream of having my own writing imporve as drastically as yours did and I see you as an inspritation." BUT .......... when I finally fininshed this story I looked at the top of the page again and realized.... this BL was written by TWO authors (one of them being oh girl in question who wrote H&H). I was so crestfallen ! Don't get me wrong, it's not as though I am not still proud of the author to some extent for having this work be so much better than the last. And maybe she did improve her writing in between the time that she wrote H&H and when she worked on this. However..... I have no way of knowing that now. Not only that, this story was actually STILL hard to follow story-telling-wise, and I was looking past that fault because I was couldn't help thinking how much better the story-telling is here than in H&H. I was all like "it's alright babe... you're a work in progress, you've got this!" Now the fact that the story-telling here was of the calibre that it was and there was another author working on this leads me to believe that oh girl who wrote H&H didn't actuallt improve. Why? Because the only other option is that the second author is either worse or just as bad at story=telling as H&H girl (which I seriuously doubt). The visual art here is literally almost the exact same as in H&H so that was H&H girl's contribution to this BL. If the second author did not contribute to the story, then what else could they have done? sigh, I'm still sad about this, lol. Anyway, I'm not so sad that I won't talk about how much I loved this BL regardless. There was yet again such an interesting fantasy world with interesting things in it and also light suspense and drama that hit home for me. Not overbearing but far far far from boring! The couple in this is also SOOOOOOOO fucking cute to me. I love MC becuase he is funny and relatable to a good extent and also just a cutie but Imae???? HE IS MY HEART