Mimi's manga / #Murder(4)

If I could scream to convey how much I loved this "main" story, I fucking would... But I don't think that would get my point across very well in text. Firstly, I love the main story. I cared a lot about both Itou and Kyousuke to the point where I could feel myself almost about to cry at some points. I have yet to read the prologue story (as of writing this) but, from what I read from one comment, both Itou and Kyousuke had hellish upbringings that (at least for Kyousuke) made me really want to see them be together. I was also ready to drop this title because I thought the problems I have with most bl manga were gonna be in this, but they wrote Ito to love Kyousuke so GOD DAMN MUCH and it made me really love him as a character. It made me love their relationship and how they showed that they needed each other. I was afraid that the rape and murder would be glorified like 90% of this landscape, but it is shown in a horrible light, being a story about how two people are trying to get out of these situations together. Fucking thank you! I also want to talk about the last 2 chapters a little. I think they were very important to the main story and I did actually cry during both of them with how they both completed and complimented the story to show you how they were living during them being "on the run" and after all the bullshit was over. God bless. Personally, I did not like the parallel story chapter. It is the reason I put pedophilia-ish as a tag. I am not here for older people "waiting" on an underage person to be of age because it means that they have feelings for this child even though they know they shouldn't. I don't care if you're 13 or 19, you are still a child until 20. And even then it doesn't really feel like you hit "adult" until 25+, but at least you're not a fucking teen. After falling in love with these characters, showing that Ito had feelings for the underage teenager but waiting until he was 18 is still really disgusting to me. There was even a comment he made about Kyousuke in freshman year that just fucked me up in the most disgusting of ways. Even though he waited till the bare minimum it still didn't feel ok to me and it was horrible no matter how sweet Ito was. Still horrible. Chap 7's review in 5 seconds or less: What the fuck? No.

Now that I read this prologue, I definitely recommend reading the first book first even though this comes before it in the story. Having read the first book put in so much context that having all that backstory and foreshadowing made me feel even more for everything that happened in this backstory. ... You ever just want to scream because you feel so emotionally attached to some fucking fictional characters? A part of me feels like I should have read this first before getting into Itou-san because it would have made it easier to read through kid!Itou and kid!Kyosuke's abuse. BUT the 1st book feels like an easier read compared to this that I think reading this in order of release gets you more invested in these characters. Like, by now, I found myself really emotional about the both of them... I wanted to die. What got me the most was reading through Kyosuke as a baby-baby, 5 YEARS OLD, having to go through what happened. It really reminded me of chapter 4 of Ore, Higaisha and, um... Yeah. I really just want to scream right now. Sorry, this one was a lot shorter than my feelings on the 1st book. Everything I felt there I still felt here.

... Ok. I've been putting off reading this for a bit because I remember being unsure about it but I don't know why. I remember seeing a good bit of low to negative ratings on this but I didn't read them because I don't want to know anything but what the tags tell me before going into a book... But I feel like I should've dropped this very early on. Like, the premise isn't bad, the art's fine, and there are even some points that are really sweet and emotional. But that all get's ruined by the fact that there are sex scenes with Yuki in his current mental state. Yes, I know that Tomohisa and Yuki are an established couple. Yes, I know this is a case of dissociative identity disorder. Where this gets weird and uncomfortable for me is that Yuuta, Yuki's personality, is a child and the author thought "Yeah, let's have Tomohisa & Yuuta have sex. It's still a grown man's body so it's alright, right?" and I'm honestly fucking livid about that. Not only is it weird but it's fucking disrespectful to people who deal with this personality disorder because it showed how they see a serious mental health issue. It could've been handled with so much care and display how much Tomohisa really loves and misses Yuki while also really treasuring Yuuta and wanting to keep them both safe. When you take out the sex from the present-day timeline it becomes a better story because that's the biggest problem. The saving throw for this not being 1 star or dropped mid-chapter 2 were the flashbacks. The flashbacks were the best parts in this. It was interesting enough that I wanted to know "why" and more about Yuki and his dad as well as wanting more of Tomohisa and Yuki's relationship. And even present-day wouldn't've been so bad as there were genuine heartwarming moments of Tomohisa caring for Yuki by treating Yuuta like his own child. Him really wanting Yuki back but also being afraid for his return and what would come next set fine with me. I think the reason for him worrying so much is a bit dumb since it comes down to defending himself and Yuki, but I understand from where he's standing in that situation. It just really does fall so flat for me at the end when Yuki wakes up and everything that follows because it tried to turn something uncomfortable to something wholesome by making it a family dynamic thing... with the looming knowledge that Tomohisa and Yuuta regularly had sex and, from what it sounds like in the extra chapter, still do... 2 stars feels very generous now that I think about.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so anyway, this book gave me a migraine because of how much dread I've felt reading it. It’s been a very long time since I've read something this heavy in atmosphere, and yet, it still felt different than something like CUT or Ito-san. In the middle of chapter two I needed to sit the book down and take a nap after about an hour because I was already feeling so anxious Alan that it made me fucking tired. I’ve been looking for exactly this feeling for months! The hurt/comfort here was like Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas morning. I was bawling my eyes out, I was fucking miserable caring so hard about two fictional characters! I was having the time of my life reading this. One of my main setbacks, though, was the high levels of religious preaching coming from ... everywhere. I get it, it was his upbringing and a huge part of the story. I think it's because my Baptist upbringing was never a negative one and I just have to remember that not everyone’s religious experience is that fortunate. The other thing was the age gap situation. It's very well known that Alan is 17 when they first met. Hayden's, however, is very rocky. He's either between 18 (turning 19 that year) to 21 and the thought that he was 19 or 20 looking at Alan that way bothers me a little more than the religious talk. That being said, 17 was the legal age in Texas in 1999... Plus, it started in winter and Alan most likely have been 18 for some months by the time any romance started between them. Also, the little note at the end talking about how everyone was legally above age is funny to me because I’ve never seen that disclaimer at the end of a BL before. It still just felt weird to me,