Mimi's manga / #Mental Health(7)

Lord, I need to find more B/GL like this. The way it's written you can tell that they focused on character building first rather than sex and the characters themselves are very enjoyable to read. That beginning where I literally had about 2 heart attacks I was in for a ride. This story is all about one person trying to get the other to fall back in love with him after an accident that left him with a moderate case of amnesia and it's both one of the cutest and saddest manga I've read. I cried a couple of times towards and at the end because of how bittersweet this story was. I'm also just a sucker for any B/GL story where they have a child, a pet, and/or get married. That 100% fucks me up. I need this to officially be licensed so bad.

I actually want to fucking scream. I've never... Related... To a character so hard like I did with Soushi when reading this. I'm not into metal or any of its variants, but reading him talking about how the metal music and intimidating look prevented people from talking to him hit me like a train. Seeing him dealing, growing, and how his social anxiety and possible AVPD kept him from conveying important shit or even living a goddamn life felt like I'd been thrown off a fucking plane. Seeing him trying to speak up made me cry more than once because I know... I know how that feels when you're on the verge of passing out because there's so much weight on you to speak. Coming from someone with AVPD and BPD and struggling with that constant tug-of-war of wanting to speak, wanting to make friends, and wanting to keep the friends you somehow made while so much of you is scared to do so at the same time fucking sucks. I've been that person starting from 5th grade that had a permeate depressing look, a permeate intimidating look just so people wouldn't come up to me. Hell, I still do! The moment I had with this book... Anyway, the story was great, I had an existential crisis, and I'm looking to buy this physically.

... Ok. I've been putting off reading this for a bit because I remember being unsure about it but I don't know why. I remember seeing a good bit of low to negative ratings on this but I didn't read them because I don't want to know anything but what the tags tell me before going into a book... But I feel like I should've dropped this very early on. Like, the premise isn't bad, the art's fine, and there are even some points that are really sweet and emotional. But that all get's ruined by the fact that there are sex scenes with Yuki in his current mental state. Yes, I know that Tomohisa and Yuki are an established couple. Yes, I know this is a case of dissociative identity disorder. Where this gets weird and uncomfortable for me is that Yuuta, Yuki's personality, is a child and the author thought "Yeah, let's have Tomohisa & Yuuta have sex. It's still a grown man's body so it's alright, right?" and I'm honestly fucking livid about that. Not only is it weird but it's fucking disrespectful to people who deal with this personality disorder because it showed how they see a serious mental health issue. It could've been handled with so much care and display how much Tomohisa really loves and misses Yuki while also really treasuring Yuuta and wanting to keep them both safe. When you take out the sex from the present-day timeline it becomes a better story because that's the biggest problem. The saving throw for this not being 1 star or dropped mid-chapter 2 were the flashbacks. The flashbacks were the best parts in this. It was interesting enough that I wanted to know "why" and more about Yuki and his dad as well as wanting more of Tomohisa and Yuki's relationship. And even present-day wouldn't've been so bad as there were genuine heartwarming moments of Tomohisa caring for Yuki by treating Yuuta like his own child. Him really wanting Yuki back but also being afraid for his return and what would come next set fine with me. I think the reason for him worrying so much is a bit dumb since it comes down to defending himself and Yuki, but I understand from where he's standing in that situation. It just really does fall so flat for me at the end when Yuki wakes up and everything that follows because it tried to turn something uncomfortable to something wholesome by making it a family dynamic thing... with the looming knowledge that Tomohisa and Yuuta regularly had sex and, from what it sounds like in the extra chapter, still do... 2 stars feels very generous now that I think about.

...... hard. disappointing. sigh. I was gonna add more to this but that's really all my thoughts. I really didn't like how they depicted generalized anxiety and avoidant personality disorder in this. As someone with avpd and gad, it felt like they tried but knew only what they saw on twitter about social anxiety and being an introvert.

Update 2: I read this before chapter 5 and the extra was added, but I don't think I'm going to update this again after this. Felt 50/50 about this book, but I kept thinking about two of the chapters way too much that I had to own it. I thought that this manga was mainly centered around fetishes but it seems like only ch.1 & the extra is about asphyxiation. The rest of the chapters I would consider extreme but not fetish-y. Personally feel that each story here would've been better as its own thing because it feels like Hidesato wanted to write more. I think ch. 3 and 5 (from what I've skimmed through the raws) don't have enough to be whole books so they fit fine here. However, chapter 1 can stand on its own. Chapters 2 and 4 NEED their own books. In fact, I don't think 2 and 4 belong here at all. They don't fit this book to me. My thoughts on each chapter: Ch.1 - Could've been a more interesting story. The asphyxiation thing isn't my thing so it was... interesting to read, but it being a short story wasn't a good move. Ch.2 - I talk about this further down in my 1st update. Ch.3 - Didn't really have a story and was kind of weird. This one negatively felt messy and all over the place. Ch.4 - Was not prepared to read that and it's never going to lead my mind. Update 1: Looking back on it, I honestly feel that chapter 2 might not need to change anything other than its homophobic dialogue since it doesn't add to the story. It just points out how horrible of a person the main character's girlfriend is... and that's it. I love studying psychology and mental disorders are a HUGE interest of mine and why I was drawn to chapters 2 and 4 the most. When I used to be in group therapy back in my teens I met someone with MPD/DID and their stories on living together in one body gave me a lot of context into what some people go through with MPD. While not the exact same experience as it was written in this story, it was very interesting to hear. Chapter 2 embodies a lot of similar feelings and experiences that they told me as well as another book I love called Many Minds One Brain by Christopher Badger where his experience was pretty close to what I just read in this manga. Whether or not the author meant for chapter 2 to read so disjointed that the reader is just as confused as someone with this disorder may be, I'm not sure. But seeing how well done and traumatic chapter 4 was written... I think so. I honestly want to see chapters 2 and 4 get full stories. Mainly chapter 4 where it takes place either during their high school or adult years and it's about the friend who you see in the story helping the mc deal with and heal from what happened and his Maladaptive Daydreaming. Even if it's just helping by being there and comforting him. You guys, I think about this chapter and its continuation potential way too much.