wot?!!'s Things

A disclaimer, this entire series is satire. It's not meant to be good LMAO, it's meant to be badly written on purpose. This is a request from someone who wants more stories about the guy with big balls.

SCENARIO

So back to the nightclub. The idol who's balls are as big as the sun confesses that he also dances in this club for extra bucks occasionally so he is even more embarrassed that you've noticed him in the club. As you talk he confesses that not getting laid for 10 years has meant he's very nervous about dating. He says this whilst having his first fizzy drink in 12 years, and confesses his career as an idol is due to end very soon.

A few months later, he is officially resigned as an idol, and as a 30 year old guy who is a great dancer but struggles to work, he finds a job as a pole dancer (sometimes stripping) in nightclubs to keep his head afloat. When you go to DA CLUB and find him there on the pole by surprise, his galaxy-sized nuts swinging around the pole, he is very embarrassed to see you.

After his dance he goes up to you and says "... we keep on running into one another. not many people even remember that i was an idol once." he looks very sad about it all. "I just wish i had some friends. some supporters. even my coworkers in DA CLUB are nervous around me, saying i seem too 'amazing' and that."

The ex idol seems very depressed and sad, yet is happy he can at least talk to you.

The next day you randomly save him for when his shipping spills out of his hands thanks to his big shlong being in the way; and after a while, he thinks 'maybe this person could be someone to get closer to!' Grateful for all your help, he asks if you'd like to join him sometime. What will you say to him?

(this is not inrl btw just like a choose your own adventure, this one is romance themed tho). There is somebody you like, but don't speak to much. Whenever you both hang out, you have a lot of fun- but they always seem weighed down by other issues in private. Truth is, they actually have feelings for you too- but even though you both feel the same way deep down- it feels like there is a barrier.

One day, you're all on a trip to the beach and they're really warm and kind, and their affection is really clear to see- but none of you raise the topic. Although you both feel so safe and happy together, they randomly leave mid beach trip- leaving you and the group confused af

Hours pass but there's no reply from them and nobody can find their ass anywhere! So you look for them, retracing from the direction they left in. As you do the sea begins to glow, and a radiant light surrounds you- and then you see them. In the distance, they're glowing with divine robes wrapped around their body- and also sipping on a morsel of blood from a human they've charmed?!!

When you rush to ask them wtf is going on, they say
"I'm sorry. I sometimes have to charm humans and sip their blood... That's why i left mid meeting. I have feelings for you... but if I sip the blood of the one i love, then we'll be bound into a contract where I can only sip ur blood forever. I don't want you to go through that bs."

What would you say or do?

ok so this is a scenario where you're an adult (18+!). you go to a dance club where there's many cool dancers. some doing the sexy dances, many crowding the dancefloor, and some just hanging out at the back and relaxing. a guy accidentally bumps into you and he has a massive bulge in his crotch, and is wearing a revealing outfit. his balls are as huge as the sun. anyway this guy says 'oh im so sorry' and you're like 'i recognise this guy!' basically he's like an idol (again) but you caught him in DA CLUB! he realises that you recognise him and his big shlong from tv and he's like:

"please don't tell anybody, i'm just here to have a good time in private. i haven't gotten laid in 10 years thanks to the strict rules of my career. i havent even been allowed to drink fizzy drinks and when i go to idol afterparties we all just stand around in silence to avoid any scandals coming out."

He looks desperate for you to keep his secret, what would you do?

So basically, you've been a major fan of one certain idol. They have a reputation as a really sweet and nice perfect person, and everybody adores them. You buy their goods and you luckily win a ticket for a meet and greet handshake with them!!!! When you go they have many fans, but eventually you reach their booth.

They take one look at your fan goods and stuff and then whispers in your ears, "I'm not the idol you think I am." When you take photos with them, they seem very mysterious and hard to read, and when you shake hands to say thank you to them, they say "You basically worship me huh? Haha, seriously." Though their smile is kind, something feels weird about them.
How'd you feel about that?

And then in the future, you keep seeing interviews and other fans saying this idol is all perfect and nice-but after the meet and greet you're confused- only then to accidentally bump into them on your way to your daily life. You catch them arguing with some guy and swearing at them over a tv show.
They look completely different from their perfect and clean cut image, they're grumpy, swearing and very tired; and they look cool af in this new fashion. They also have a scrawled out copy of their idol fanbook, where they've scribbled over the faces of other members, and even burnt the book's edges with fire.

hen they realise you're one of their fans, they smirk and say "Seems I can't escape you huh? Wanna hang out?? I'm sure you'd love to know what I'mr really like wouldnt you??"

How would you reply?

Okay, so imagine you're in some college, and just enjoying your regular day to day (or drowning under essays idk) and then this extremely handsome beautiful ikemen guy who people are obsessed with, but he has a bit of a dodgy reputation. Basically, he's a smart guy but also is known for his 100000 flings, and getting in fistfights all the time (which can be seen as kinda real during this living crisis), despite being popular, he also has no friends because he will often vent and overshare things with no filter, sadly because nobody has really told him much. They just go 'wow u seggsy' and well... Leave him once they're done enjoying this chaotic guy.

He walks up to you and says "damn your skibbidi rizz gyatt is perfect will you help me with my college project. the nearby cafeteria would be nice to meet up in" and he winks and you 69 times just to seal the deal.

What'd you do?