Sloppygirl's Things

Have you ever done a dream where you had a baby, it feel soo real , you loved her/him sooooo much.
Then you wake up and it feels as if you just lost your baby like he is literally dead.
You don't even have kids in reality and you are just sad and mourning for your baby.
It's weird because having a baby ,was not on my to do list and it still not.

Sometime before sleeping I feel like I won't wake up in the morning
So I clean my room and my phone of everything that could be embarrassing if found
I am not sick or anything.
Before I was scared of sleeping because of that but now I just think it is what it is.

So I'm in one big friend group but I am only reeeally close to like 10 of them.
There that boy in the group who want to date me ,he want to meet my parents and all but we are not together yet we just act like we are (iykyk).
Only the 10 people know that and they told me that it has been 3 years that he is going out with that girl (I had a crush on but I'm not that close with) in the group ,they have already meet each other parents and all.
I am confused because last year she was going out with another girl and everyone knew that even him.
I'm not into casual dating I don't understand what they are playing at. I don't wanna be a third party. Is he playing with me? Or are they lying to me?
I'm embarrassed to ask the girl , because last time I overheard her saying how much she love him and all.

All of my siblings did drugs
I have seen how bad drugs can break a strong family
So I'm gonna break the curse of my family
I'm gonna be an alcoholic instead it's much better than a drugs addict right?
Beside I think that drugs are more expensive

It's gonna be long