Mayday's Favorite

DID YOU KNOW?
blue whale's anus can stretch approximately
three and a half feet making it second biggest asshole after red hair guy (gold digger)

I was literally reading the novel and I’m at the chapter where they were having seggs SKSKSKSK but probably their first smexy scenes will be at ch. 40+ here I can’t wait T.T

[SPOILERS] & My honest thoughts.

I have to write this out.

It's 3AM and my heart is pumping wildly and my emotions are a mess. I'm so conflicted. I feel nauseous. My hands and arms are trembling, as they were when I read through the manga.

This is amazing work by the mangaka for something so psychologically twisted. It's way up my alley. The torture (physical, mental); the lust portrayed, character's background that offer insight into their psyche is incredible. It's extremely messed up, every direction, every sense of the phrase.

The author's portrayal of fight between Shintani's lust and his rationality is masterful. When we get introduced to Shintani, he seems like the perfect average joe. He rejects the bribe of money. The reader gets a hint of his personality. Righetous, probably? However, his depravity is peeled back, layer by layer.

In the beginning he picks up Kikuchi to keep an eye on him, have some measure of control - or so he says. Sudou correctly guesses (or maybe he recognises the twistedness in Shintani that Sudou too himself has) that Shintani has ulterior motives. Did he initially? We will never know. The reader is presented a question. Shintani feels sympathy, at least. Yet his eyes when meeting Kikuchi while investigating how he plans to pay the debt - are calculating, and betrays him.

Kikuchi's backstory is introduced early, and it is clear the author wants us to feel pity. Kikuchi is the underdog, the victim, starved of affection - and just like a stray dog which the author regularly draws a parallel too. He has a (skewed) moral compass, as shown in the first or second chapter where he defends Shintani against accusations of theft.

Kikuchi longs for acceptance. He falls for the slightest bit of kindness the colleague who he just had sex with against his will. It is rape, blatantly so. Yet the circumstances of his lifestyle forces him to ignore the non-consent, and press on with the main problem at hand. A rape that is already over is a smaller matter as compared to an insurmountable debt (that may result in more torture). Moreover Shintani was drugged, and had been dragged in against his will it is clear Kikuchi does not consider him an accomplice.

Over the course of Vol.1 Sudou develops an interest in this slightly meddlesome Shintani. He recognises that they might be cut from the same cloth, and creates opportunities for him to trigger and nurture that side of him. Sudou knows exactly what buttons to push, and how to flip the switch. Shintani's lust consumes him, and he knows naught of immoral as he literally uses Sudou as fap material. It is clear towards the end that Shintani's rational side does not love Sudou. Shintani rejects Sudou when sober. Yet it seems as though Shintani feels no remorse for his lust-drunkeness towards Sudou, nor regret, as time again and again they find themselves in the same situations. And if this manga had no Kikuchi in it maybe Sudou and Shintani would have gotten a lusty (happy) ending.

Although I say that Shintani does not love Sudou I too question the authenticity of his love for Kikuchi. It is apparent that Shintani treats Kikuchi tenderly, incorporating him into part of the family. In Vol2/3 Shintani learns Kikuchi's first name, and they make love. But each time Kikuchi is vulnerable, and that is precisely what Shintani is attracted to about him.

Sudou has not had a happy life. It has moulded him into a crude shape, and even though he goulds Shintani into sex with him, to him sex is a form of affection and release - not to mention how gently Shintani treats him as compared to how his Yakuza master does. It is clear Sudou gets a kick out of flipping Shintani's switch. He is battling his self hatred, and yet he yearns for love - just like Kikuchi, he is a stray looking for absolution. Sudou uses Shintani to make himself feel better. And when Shintani rejects him, he self-destructs, however this time he wants to make the two others feel his pain. If he can't have happiness, why should they?

Vol3 ends in a threesome (in the loosest sense of the word) - it is a battle, truly, between Shintani's lust and logic. Unfortunately Sudou has won that battle, and Shintani must deal with the consequences.

I feel pity for all 3 characters. My own personal preference wants me to root for only one one pair, one couple to love. I disapprove of Sudou's actions, although I can sympathise. Shintani is only a man, but his inclinations may be, do not take away the betrayal of his actions. It's just tragic that his inclinations swing that way.

I feel better after writing all this out. If anyone has made it through the vomit of my words, thank you for reading. Please link Vol4 so I can erase this feelings of guilt, and anxiety for these 3 characters. I only wish them well. （/TДT)/