Biel's Topics (4384)

I don't mean to be rude, but you don't know what you're talking about. Abusers abuse be their partner sluts or saints. If you find the sexual behavior of your partner unacceptable, you leave them, you do not turn to abuse. If you do, you're not being righteous, you're being an abuser. Abuse always comes from a controlling and abusive mind, never from the victim.

I upvoted on accident smh

but like bruh what? did we read the same story?
hyun became violent all on his own yeah he had the right to be pissed at the things shiwoo did but that was no reason to abuse him and most of all bc he knew what happened to shiwoo (getting raped by someone he saw as a FATHER)

and No yujin wouldn't end like hyun, he told hyun that when hyun said that if shiwoo did to him the things he did to him(sleep around) he would also beat him up but the thing is shiwoo did DO does things to yujin as well(he saw him with tae even if it was nonconsensual and with hyun) but yujin even tho he was hurt he never physically hurt him the only thing he did was say hurtful words but he said those based on the things he knew (which where all lies)
why would he not end up like hyun? cause its common sense to not hurt someone you love if you really love them (something yujin does) yeah maybe hyun liked shiwoo at the beginning but you can see how his love started twisting and become just possessiveness
shiwoo wasn't a bitch bc he wanted to be one I wouldn't even call him that bc he actually didnt enjoy doing that he hated himself (there where several chapters talking about that)
he slept around bc it was his way of coping with someone raping him and feeling like what was done to him was normal which obv wasn't as well as having abandonment issues

not one character was stupid frustrating yes, but all their actions and how they felt make sense with the story

Agrreeee totally agree...hyun become like this because of chiwoo who liked to provoke him and make him jealous...the fact is that guy become abusive isn't rven his fault...and chiwoo's friend who was totally blind when it's about the attitude of chiwoo, blamed anyone...i can't have sympathy for the uke because he wanted it by his action

Agree with you too but how about the fact that the person ( victim) provokes intentionally his abuser to be abused? Chiwoo did it just becauce he wanted hyun to stay with him...he though he would have control over it but it' wasn't like that...for me both of them are culpable in that toxic relationship

I think what he did was wrong and I have no doubt that it was painful to Hyun. But, as I said, you don't answer to it with abuse. The thing with abusive mind is that it's a priori such. Responding to abuse - if we qualify Chiwoo's action as emotional abuse - in self-defence is natural. Beating the hell out of a person is not. And yes, I agree with you that the toxic relationship was possible because of both of them. It's a devil's wheel. But, here is the difference: Chiwoo understood at one moment that the relationship is not normal, and he tried to get away from Hyun. This is a sign of healthy self-preservance. Hyun, on the other hand, became even more controlling and he, in fact, never renounced his desire to control his partner, and he didn't choose the means. Thus, I said that I find this manga, in comparison with the others I have read that deal with the similar issue, to be a rather good depiction of dynamic of abuse in a relationship. We witness Chyun changing at least some of his attitudes and developing, as well as trying to run away from the relationship and in the end, trying to face his abuser fairly and end it fairly, give it a conclusion. We do not see such thing in Hyun until the very end. He becomes more and more controlling and abusive. Only at the end, he becomes (self?)conscious and lets go of the relationship. Bona fides, that is because he himself understands that that is the only possible solution: to let go and get out of the life of the person you have abused, and to do it for good. Mala fides, he does it because he understands that Chiwoo is not alone anymore and that he has other people to protect him, as well as that he may face the consequences of his actions. However, we do not see remorse in him (in difference to, e.g., "Hogu Hagyeongsu" and particularly in "Chew and Swallow"). He just lives quietly. (Although, that might be due to author's choice to focus the story primarily on the victim.) That is why I said that abusers abuse no matter what their partners do. I've seen a lot of testimonies on rl abusers in which they are reported to say that if only their partner acted differently towards them, they would never abuse them. Sadly, what in reality happened more often that not is that whatever partner they had, and however their partner acted, they would want to control them and they would turn to abuse. This is not to say that an abuser cannot change. That is to say that an abuser cannot change if they do not renounce the abusive mindset. And for an abusive mindset, anything works as a trigger for abuse.

A better example, I think, to the toxicity you are referring to is the "Sweet heart trigger" manga. Of course, it remains to be seen how the author will develop the story and the characters in the future, but for now it illustrates rather well how both of them contribute to this "devil's wheel" of toxicity.

I agree! Though that doesn't happen so far. Hopefully a sequel is made just for them!