elven's Things

I love reading. I truly do, it brings out the emotions hidden in me.

I don't want to reveal too much but basically, I don't have a good relationship with my parents. I read a manhua, the main character reconciling with their parents after actually talking it out. The main character forgave his parents. It's not the first time I cried because of scenes like these but this time, I didn't just cry, I also felt envious. How he's able to forgive them. I don't have it in me to forgive my parents for what they'd done. They lost my trust but seeing their reconciliation, I felt devastated. Why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I forgive them too? But I know deep down, the difference in what the main character and i experienced are too big to even compare it to one another. It's understandable why I can't forgive them but I want to. But I can't. I just can't.

The main character also has a boyfriend and well, I don't have one. I don't mind that I'm not in a relationship at the moment but it felt really bittersweet for me. I want a connection like that too. A connection where they're there for each other.

I have about 4 close friends, 3 men and 1 women. They all know what I'm going through and they are there for me but it's not in that way. They never ask me if I'm okay but they listen to my rants.. but I know they're there for me.

I'm usually the one that asks if they're okay, I'm usually the therapist friend and I envy how they have a friend like me but maybe the problem also lies in me. I'm a very outgoing person so I do have a lot of friends but I don't open up that much. I just handpick who I open up to.

That's why I envy the main character's relationship. I think I'll only ever have someone worrying for me when they're my lover. I never felt like someone actually is worried for me. Most of the time, I feel like I'm just brushed off as. It's crazy out here.

is it normal to think of a specific guy whenever you're reading a romance manhwa?

ps. hes my boybestfriend

no cuz hes just so majestic ygwim

does anyone here get 8 hours of sleep, actually get shit done and still have time to do their hobby? like reading manhwas and i guess add socialising in the mix too

if so how the hell do you do it?!?! cuz i gotta atleast sacrifice one of those to maintain that life. i do time management, list my weekly & daily to do list but i usually just get about 4 hours of sleep. I'm busy in the morning until late afternoon so I really can't do anything in those times.. and ugh, the travelling time too. takes up so much of my time. i really really don't want to give up my daily reading time.

How did reading change your preference or type in men or women?

I've been reading for years now. And my preference in my partner definitely changed.

Like, I used to not care much about their looks as long as they've got a nice smile but now I can't say the same. My type started leaning on someone who was slightly buff (not too much, just someone that works out regularly to maintain their body) and someone that has tanned skin.

I'm quite surrounded with good-looking men but I started liking a guy who fit all that description and that continued for years. The men that I liked were all tanned and slightly buff, I'd say that they all had nice smiles too. There was only one time I felt attracted to a guy that didn't fit all those descriptions, he wasn't tanned but white. Pale as snow but he fit all the rest.

Anyway, idk why I talked about that but I kinda came to the conclusion that I prefer those type of men because whenever i see pretty guys i just want to make them cry. Weird, I know. This is probably because of the webtoons I've read that has a pretty guy. Idk, really. Probably why I hadn't liked what would be considered a "pretty guy" in today's standard. I still think they're pretty though, just probably not someone I would date. And let's not get started on what I prefer when it comes to their personalities & mindsets. It's probably why I'm single. Being a reader sucks when it comes to relationships but oh well, manhwas are the love of my life and they're what gets me through my life so whatever lol