SeenIt

I get what you mean it’s so heartbreaking that it does physically hurt, I get that way with well written stories like this sometimes

I read stories like this so that those feelings can be validated. Everyone has their own trauma, things that effect them. No matter how bad these characters have it, I know how they feel, from my own experiences. They aren’t quantifiable or comparable, as each person reacts to stimuli differently. It’s so relieving to feel the weight and the pain and the memory of feeling like I wanted to die, because it reminds me that it’s okay to feel that way sometimes. And I’m even more proud because I worked so hard to get out of it.

Aye congrats. I'm still in a phase that there is no future for me. But I can't bring myself to do it because of how I felt when my friend did. Below just talks about myself... Don't read it it's just there for venting.







I wish I could either get to your point but I know that it's very unlikely for me because I've been this way for so long that I'm pretty sure it's not a mental disorder now but rather a personality. Ah, well I was never diagnosed so... Yeah. I really want to talk to my doctor but mom screams and yells when I'm even the faintest hint of being sick. Let alone worse enough to go to the doctor (which I have mostly never been to for, other than this year for really severe abdominal pains and they don't even know what it is.). People tell me "jUsT gO tO tHe DoCtOrS" is not that simple. I want to but in order to do that I have to be the burden of finance that I am, tell my dad who will promptly tell me to tell mom. Mom will
start to scream and yell at me until I physically want to go into the kitchen and grab a knife to stab myself. Even if we get to the stage of doctors, mom will SIT IN THE ROOM WITH ME. I can't tell the doctor that I feel like I want to kill myself in front of the person who screamed and yelled and started smacking things and being so mad she made motions that she was going to tear her hair out while violently shaking angrily when she first heard it. She constantly tells me that my sister who has moved out told the guidance could that and the guidance counselor called cps. She tells me that if I tell others and cps comes they'll split up the family and take me and my sisters away because of the way our house is(not going to lie our house is messy). She didn't have to tell me that because I was already at the "never again" stage. I really want help but I can't. I just can't.

I’m so sorry that you’ve had to suffer like this. I know sorry doesn’t change anything or make it better, but I want you to know I’m saying this because I care. I’m sorry I haven’t replied promptly. As soon as I saw this I wrote up a huge response and my browser reloaded before I could send it. After that, I really wanted to think about what to say to you and I’m glad I did. In my original message, I hadn’t disclosed hardly anything about myself. In this one, I’d like to share more, so that maybe you can gain courage from my experience. For starters, I have three siblings. However, we’re only related through my mother, as I am the only child of my father and mentioned mother. I haven’t met two of them in person ever in my life. My youngest sibling is six years old now and I can only hope that I’m able to reach out before she hits puberty because it’s my belief that she deserves to have an older sister to rely on. The last time I saw the eldest of the sons, or the second born, was ten years ago. They’re all adopted into the same household now, and sometimes, even to this very moment, when I scorn the people who took away the siblings I always wanted, I can only be grateful that they’re alive. My mother is no mother. She is hardly an adult. I was lucky my father was rich enough to take me on, or I’d likely be dead in an alley somewhere by now. I’m only seventeen years old. I haven’t seen my father in four years. Things change and people do too. Blood may abandon you, abuse you, manipulate you, but only you can choose the people you surround yourself with. I know the burden that is both financial and familial, because I’m the one that separated my brother and I. I was only five years old, but I didn’t know any better. All I can remember thinking was fear, fear of the blame that would be cast on me. But deep down, I felt relieved that I wouldn’t have to watch my mother dig all of us an even deeper grave. The road has been long and arduous. I’ve been to nine different schools and moved locations a minimum of thirteen times. That number is just from the times I was old enough to remember. However, I don’t regret a single minute of it. I am who I am today because of those experiences, and if I can describe myself at all it would be that I am endlessly loving, courageous, and mindful. I’m still not in the best of places now, but the difference is that I haven’t had to move in over two years. That’s never happened before in my life. All of this is because I made a choice. I’ve continued to make choices, and so have the people around me. I didn’t choose to be born, to be abused, or abandoned. I didn’t choose to be poisoned with toxicity everywhere I went. But I do choose to face that toxicity head on. I fight and fight and fight against it. If you need a doctor you need a doctor. I’ve been screamed at and hit, I’ve been kicked up the stairs, I’ve been choked, I’ve been belittled and defiled, but I’m determined. If I need something I will gain it. You can too. You are not obligated to respect or love a human who does not properly take care of you. Mental health is still equivalent to health. If your mother understood the true responsibilities of being a mother, she would have found a way to help you see a doctor. To give you the space you need to fight your own mental battles. Your sister knew that. I do too. It is not your fault. Not your mother or your father’s actions. Not their reckless choice to trap their children in a home that isn’t healthy for them anymore. Not their actions that grind you into dust, just to lower you to who they are inside. If I have any advice to give you, it’s to fight. Maybe that isn’t reaching out to a school counselor. Maybe it’s telling your mother the truth. Whatever that truth may be. Regardless of her denial, her gaslighting, her anger. The truth cannot be denied because it is true. To you, to your sister, to CPS. And if the truth reveals the darkness, then you must face it. The first step begins with you. If you need me again, you can message me on here or my discord @m.v.plaayer#2448. Don’t be afraid to find, try, or create solutions. You’ll only know if you’ve tried them all, and if you fail, you won’t succeed unless you’ve exhausted every possible option. Be brave. Choose the best path for you. It may be hard, but only then will you find freedom from the burdens you face.

I thank you so much for this. I kinda feel like my problems are way less than what you have gone through. I apologise for my late response as I am babysitting for one of my half siblings currently. I'm close to probably going to college now so I don't think it really matters now and hey the alternative is even better. But I always accept a chance at new friends.

Ofc! I’ll be your friend for as long as you’ll have me :)