I take it you are a bit gay and you want to somehow make amends with your God? Look no further, a full and comprehensive guide on piety is down below.
---The problem---
Christianity, as any other religion, undermines any ability to make logical argument on what you 'should' and 'should not' do. 'Thou shalt not kill,' He said - but look at what He...... reply
You know, you are quite strong to endure it to this point. You still have a vision of a better future and it keeps you crawling forward.
I myself had it much less severe than you and still completely broke. I don't know much about your happiness or resentment, but you should definitely be proud of yourself 2 reply