youngtwilight's Topics (182)

Your "victim" was unfaithful to her husband and inappropriate with Kengo. She is to blame.

yo the victim was "abused", they couldve just talked it out but instead her husband resorted to violence and idk but the way kengo said it was insensitive. it sounded like the victim deserves to be abused bc of her mistakes

she deserved Kengo's coldness. She barely qualifies to be a victim, not in your sense of the word, not like an innocent blameless little bambi in the wilderness. She was unfaithful. Her husband hit her once, and might never again if they can work it out, which, if they can't then they're both assholes since neither offense was all that serious. Knowing your trusted mate was out on dates with another man hurts a lot worse than a hit in the face.

wait being hit isnt serious??? is being unfaithful means u can hit ur wife?? they could have a decent conversation or file a divorce or many other healthy ways to address her wife's infidelity. violence or disrespecting ur wife wont solve anything + it could also worsen the situation. and who knows, maybe her husband was also more of an asshole but it also doesnt mean u can go looking for another man.

I don't think I should have to say that it's not okay to hit your wife, you know? It should go without saying. Violence is wrong, but in this situation, if it's an isolated incident, I don't think her getting hit is a spectacularly horrific victimization scenario worthy of a lot of sympathy, a little, yes. The sympathy should fit the situation

look man, my point is a respectful way to address the issue and kengo's insensitive ass shouldve suggested to let them seek a marriage counselor instead of blaming her. and yes she should have the sympathy that should fit the situation but we really dont have any idea what the whole situation is right?

i dont think it was necessarily victim blaming. he was telling her that her attitude makes it seem like shes being unfaithful and she didnt even try to solve the misunderstanding and let her husband continue thinking that shes cheating. a relationship goes both ways and if shes not going to communicate then how would any problems get solved. i def disagree on any sort of physical attack and her husband needs to apologize asap instead of lashing out he also needs to learn to communicate. both were in the wrong but the husband more bc you should never put your hands on someone

it sure gets boring fast when you listen to people talk about healthy relationships and what people should do. Lot's of armchair psychology. Both of you sound like you're working off a list that you got at a psychology convention. When you're in a crisis situation, you can't always see what you "should be doing" to act in a way that will maintain a "healthy relationship." When faced with reality, trust me, the people who taught you the rules never behave according to the text book. Reality is a hell of a lot more complicated. You're leaving out the emotional climate inside the traumatized people and outside of them, too, in the conflict arena of a serious relationship crisis within a marriage, where there's so much more at stake than a mere breakup. I also get sick and tired of people who slant everything toward casting the woman in a victim role, like she is less guilty because she got hit. No one ought to be rushing to say sorry to her when she is the problem. I know that's what they taught you in stupid modern-day school, but it's bullshit. If someone put a gun to the husband's head and forced an apology out of him, it would do nothing but further traumatize him. In this situation, he is the victim, and having consideration for that is a much higher priority.
Also, you seem to believe that the way to handle everything is to train the aggression out of people, men in particular. That's another thing they teach children, but it's wrong. We can't lose aggression. It's a survival instinct, and it can't be surgically removed and replaced with assertiveness.
It's not always wrong to put your hands on someone. come on. I can think of several ways. Self defense for one. kind of a duh. taking someone by the shoulders to try to talk sense to them when they are hysterical, stopping someone from jumping off a building - putting our hands on each other is human. You guys speak in absolutes. It's one way I can tell that you don't have any experience. I don't think her husband needs to be in a big freaking ass hurry to apologize. They mutually need to apologize, but both of those can be empty gestures if there's no real resolution. The husband is in a lot more pain than your dainty little victimized flower who got smacked. A hell of a lot more pain. There's no comparison when you're the one who was cheated on. As far as the wife goes, not one of you has pointed out that she was unfaithful only in that she went along on these "dates" thinking there was nothing wrong with it. There's cheating and there's cheating. Her unfaithfulness had to be excruciating to the husband, but in her case, she was just naive and selfish to a ridiculous degree and guilty of not thinking it through enough to realize that in the opposite situation, she would be the one in serious pain. You should ramp down that drive to obliterate all men all the time even though that's how you were raised. You're never going to be able to be objective as long as you have women always the victims of male aggression

Again, reality. It's almost funny the way you talk about seeking a marriage counselor. In 25 men, 24 of them are going to be vehemently against going to a therapist, psychologist, or counselor to address any situation. The 25th man is going to be seriously reluctant. The energy it would take just to convince the husband to do that would be like re-training a person who believes in god to stop believing in god. lol that's not how it should be, I know. I'm not stupid. I'm saying that you're going to hit some huge road blocks on your way to having your "respectful way to address the issue" any issue involving human beings.

just... we do know the whole situation. This is a story. Everything you need HAS to be in the situation as laid out by the author. The whole situation is what you've already got because there's not anymore.

so we should normalize aggression bc of "reality"??? so we should let it slide when men or women succumb to aggression when faced with conflicts??? so we should not suggest any respectful way to deal w the issue bc the chances of it being effective is low??

okay i get it

I don't really think you're getting what I'm saying about aggression. What you're thinking of and what I'm talking about are different. my fault. This is it briefly. Natural aggression is not about getting mad and hitting people. sorry. I didn't explain that. Beyond that I don't feel like explaining an enormous concept so forgive me and forget what I said about it.
hese trendy words like "normalize" hamper discussion. they shut people down. I don't use them. I mean, what the hell does "normalize" even mean. It means nothing. Look, I don't know why people in a certain age range feel the need to keep hammering away about how hitting people is wrong, about how rape is wrong, abuse etc. It's ridiculous. Everyone knows that hitting other people is wrong, rape is wrong. That knowledge is universal. You guys don't need to keep on and on about it. Conversely and even more annoyingly, if I don't make sure to include a ton of disclaimers, your same age group does a very wrong thing: they assume that not saying "hitting is wrong" means I'm advocating hitting. Before your group came along, that kind of talk never had to be constantly reiterated again and again. my god. Then you people wonder why we are lashing out at you.
Respect is based on fear, and I don't like using it as if it means the same as being considerate.
You think you get it? I don't think you do. That's why I'm explaining.

man stop talking with these people they just don't understand that no matter how hurt you are, you have no right to put your hands on the other person. you can be mad, hurt, be angered and feel all emotions but that still doesn't make it okay to hurt anyone. istg the people you are arguing with will probably justify murder because someone full on cheated i hope they get well soon.

the fact that they're ignoring how the girl didn't even cheat, just caused misunderstanding by hanging out with someone then they think she deserves to get hit? man these bitches make me nauseous. don't waste your energy on them bb

Really? You are not explaining anything. You are trying to defend your quite idiotic assertion that being hit once isn't that serious. And now you are saying respect is based on fear wtf??? That's not respect that's literal fear and acting in a way to avoid the consequences. Being hit once in an intimate relationship should be enough for the victim to leave. That can tell you anyone with a working braincell. It's not always the case not only because of the victims mind state but because on the other side they have idiots like you telling them "well, they may change", "they did it on the spur of the moment", "it won't happen again", "IT WAS JUST ONCE".
The talk isn't "hitting is wrong" "rape is wrong" is the culture and society that allows for such things to happen and go unpunished. Is people like you saying "It was just once". You don't train aggression out of people. What you train is a healthy way to manage your feelings. If you can't understand simple concepts as those then you are part of the problem. The problem that thinks that these issues shouldn't be brought forward. Because that's pretty much what you said in your "explanation"

the woman certainly was unfaithful.

you have a lot of half baked ideas that are not based on reality, and you're an ass for deliberately misunderstanding everything I said