mochidays's Topics (83)

this is another one of those stories i almost didn’t read because i started the first chapter and decided i didn’t like the art style. but i gave it a chance, and i ended up loving it—especially the side characters. they were executed perfectly. there were so many times i just sat there laughing at the artist’s commentary or the panels themselves. there were a ton of genuinely funny moments, and i’d say i’m not someone who laughs easily. i was consistently cracking up while also getting really into the romance between the two main characters. it was honestly such a good read, i’d recommend it to anyone. the whole alien thing almost lost me at first, since i wasn’t sure i’d vibe with that concept, but they pulled it off so well. it ended up being this heartfelt, funny, and super endearing story with a really strong subplot about self-acceptance and figuring out who you are beyond your environment or family. amazingly well done—i thoroughly enjoyed this one.

i forgot how much this story focused on the side couple. the title is “viewfinder” i felt like the second couple was the fan favorite so we ignored the main couple. the epilogue was like entirely dedicated to them. we saw the side couple get engaged and we didn’t even see the main couple go on vacation. just seems a bit odd.

dojun deserves so much better. this poor guy always blames himself and has horrible self esteem. he deserves someone who communicates with him and treats him better. :/

the art used to be so good and then around chapter 50 the art just got so lazy and became shit. it was so promising but this manhwa would’ve been so much better if the author didn’t drag this on :/

this is a story i read years ago when it was still unfinished, and i finally came back to finish it—i’m so glad i did. it’s just as heartfelt and fluffy as i remembered, maybe even more. there’s no dramatic twists or huge conflicts, just a gentle, touching story about a deaf man falling in love with someone who sees him for who he is, without pity. i’ve always had a soft spot for stories about characters who are hard of hearing, especially because my mom is hard of hearing, and i feel like they carry such a unique warmth and kindness. this one really hit home for me. the art style isn’t totally my favorite, but the story itself? absolutely adorable. i knew i’d love it, and i totally did.

the relationship between ilay and tay is so complex—it’s built on a trauma-based dynamic where tay is constantly fighting with himself, unsure if he truly feels anything for ilay at all. meanwhile, ilay keeps expressing his feelings without directly admitting them. every time he says something like “you’re mine,” it feels like his subconscious is screaming that he’s in love with tay.

i think this taps into a common misconception about love. when i think of love, i don’t see something pure-hearted or well-intended. i see something cruel, obsessive, and sometimes dangerous. love, at its core, can create some of the nastiest people. as much as it can be kind and wonderful, it doesn’t have to be. love can lead to obsession. love can lead to jealousy, corruption, even violence. the line between love and obsession—between love and possession—is so, so thin. honestly, i’d even say love often works in tandem with possession.

i know that sounds harsh. we don’t want to think of relationships that way, especially not ones as complicated as ilay and tay’s. their dynamic is clearly abusive, but that doesn’t make it any less real or emotionally charged. and when i think of my own relationship—yes, i love my boyfriend in a wholesome way—but there are still parts of that love that feel obsessive, possessive, even subconsciously controlling. it’s hard to admit, but it’s there.

so when we think of love, we tend to infantilize it—idolize it, even—but love often comes bundled with those aggressive, messy emotions. and ilay feels those emotions. he just doesn’t know how to process them. he enters every conversation about “like” or “love” acting detached, like he’s saying it for tay’s sake. but he’s not. he’s saying it to communicate, even if it’s subconscious—he’s begging tay to acknowledge his feelings.

that’s why, when tay doesn’t immediately say he likes him back, we see ilay’s reaction shift. he pretends to be indifferent, but the lack of reciprocation sets him off. he becomes upset and aggressive, because the love ilay feels is inherently flawed and rooted in trauma.

we don’t know everything about ilay’s childhood, or what exactly made his concept of love so isolating and suffocating—but we do know why tay can’t bring himself to hate him. and it has nothing to do with ilay’s actions—it has everything to do with tay’s upbringing. tay has always been needed, not wanted. whether it was as a symbol of luck or a support system for his twin, he’s never had someone like ilay—someone who has everything—choose him. so when ilay instinctively started paying attention to him, tay was drawn in.

but ilay is also the one who destroyed that fragile connection. by raping tay, he turned the relationship into a deeply traumatic one.

and it’s painfully obvious that tay now has no real understanding of how ilay feels. he keeps saying things like “he just doesn’t like me” or “he doesn’t care about how i feel,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. if tay took even a moment to reflect, he might realize it—but he’s so blinded by the trauma he’s endured from ilay that he can’t.

if everything that’s happened between them had occurred earlier in the timeline, before the worst of it, tay might’ve been able to interpret ilay’s silence for what it is. but after experiencing trauma—after being raped—his mind doesn’t register the very clear signs that ilay does care. and any person not weighed down by that kind of trauma would immediately recognize it. the anger in ilay’s voice, the way his expression drops when he sees tay crying—those are not signs of indifference. those are signs of someone who feels everything but doesn’t know how to say it.

what makes it even sadder is that tay is usually really good at reading people—especially when it comes to how they react to him. that’s always been one of his strengths. even with his complicated past, he’s always known how to connect. but now? it’s like that part of him is just… gone. dulled by the pain.

and then there’s that one moment—when ilay takes care of himself in the bathroom instead of putting that responsibility on tay after seeing him break down—that moment is the clearest show of empathy we’ve ever seen from him. and tay can’t even recognize it, not because he’s ungrateful, but because he’s hurt. deeply. and understandably.

honestly, if ilay had any grasp on his own emotions, i think he’d be kicking himself for how badly he’s damaged what they had. it’s hard to watch—two people so lost in their own pain, trapped in their own heads, neither able to figure out what they really feel because of the trauma they’ve endured and the trauma they’ve inflicted.

i just hope, someday, they get clarity. and if they stay together, i hope it becomes somewhat healthy. right now, it’s a trauma bond that’s not doing either of them any good. ilay is obsessive and possessive over someone who doesn’t want to be possessed, and tay is searching for someone who will love him for him, not for what he provides.

but if they ever figure themselves out, i think they could actually make a great match. like, weirdly meant for each other. but as they are now? it’s not sustainable.

all that to say—having a possessive side to love isn’t inherently toxic. but the person on the receiving end has to want to be loved that way. otherwise, it’s not love. it’s control.

this is so peak. the characters are both super endearing and the twist is phenomenal

the plot line is pretty confusing ngl (⊙…⊙ ) i have no idea how that ending even occurred?? but hey.. happy-ish ending i guess? i am very confused by it all but the art was very nice!!

this has sooo much smut and usually i read yaoi for the plot but DAMN these scenes lowkey did something for me idk this was rlly good (=・ω・=)

when i first read this, it was incomplete, and i had only read it because i thought the male lead was well put together (visually appealing lol). i read it not knowing that the story would be so complex. and i started reading it, and i never finished. years later, i have come back, and i’ve read the entire thing, and let me say—this is a masterpiece. i clearly have a soft spot in my heart for repeating timelines and the struggle against fate. the male lead at one point says something along the lines of how he doesn’t know if what he’s feeling is love, because it is such a disgusting obsession that he has, and so he doesn’t even know if he can categorize it as love. but this really stood out to me because i think that is love in its pierced form. i think we often idolize what love is and see it as a blooming emotion full of innocence, but the reality is, love is an emotion that is disgusting at its core, as it can cause people to lose all sense of humanity—which is exactly what happens in the story. he lost himself time and time again because he was obsessed with changing fate and changing the timeline. if he had just let everything play out sufficiently, then they probably would’ve gotten this ending a lot sooner. i am very satisfied with the ending. i know there’s a lot of people out there that would’ve wished for an even happier ending, but i honestly feel like this ending was ideal. even when i thought the ending was just an ending where they were both together in the afterlife, i was satisfied with that—but knowing that they get to repeat this hopefully final life, or never-ending lifetimes with each other, is very heartwarming. it makes the title being “my reason to die” even more heartbreaking. i knew that when she was talking about him seeing the movies and him trying the ice cream, she was only saying “you,” and she wasn’t saying “we.” as much as she says she doesn’t intend for herself to die, she went into that fight knowing that she would sacrifice herself for him, as he had sacrificed himself for her hundreds of times, i’m sure. there was one point where we saw a calendar, and it looked like he had almost lived 4000 times—so i don’t know how many times, how many lifetimes they went through, but i am flabbergasted. i am really satisfied with the ending, and this is a manhwa that i believe deserves a drama adaptation. i feel like it would be really successful. beautifully done, amazing character arcs—i have genuinely no complaints. the art was beautiful through and through.