beta
I enjoyed it and it was done well but I wouldn’t hate it if changes were made. It felt slightly rushed. These aren’t thought-out criticisms at all, just my first thoughts after reading the final chapter. I probably got stuff wrong. Pls don’t be meanthe story is great as is, I just felt like this was the first arc not the whole story.
1. I was trying to predict where the story would go next every chapter just for it to abruptly end here. :(
I was even thinking “Maybe this’ll be an Ellie and Joel from TLOU situation” where they were going to have to kill MC for the cure and MC and ML would have to escape because ML wouldn’t let that happen while MC struggled with the morals of it. (Only for MC to accept it’s worth being alive and he’s worth it after a long chat with ML ! unlike Ellie who resented Joel because of the consequences and what could’ve been.)
ANYWAY I thought earlier in the story we were going to see MC die dramatically, only to wake in the next loop remembering the previous loop and eventually regaining his memories of past loops? And piecing together secrets or helpful clues from his fractured memories. An example of a possible impact from that route: MC could be struggling to help people who hurt him in a previous loop and having got deal with the fact they’re different people now?
Also I thought there was a chance MC would start remembering every loop while ML’s memories were stuck on the last loop before the ability to remember switched.(or him with just original memories only to eventually become the ML we know rn after regaining his memories idk probably not.)
So MC would go through what ML when through and after many loops it’d change MC and make him depressed/irritable/hopless(?) and in turn the ML, knowing what it was like, would try to help him and they’d be closer because they both saw each other die so many times. They would have had the same experience and truly understood eachother. First ML then MC had to go through the other dying a bunch before they both start remembering. I feel like currently ML has known MC for so much longer and there’s an imbalance. IDK!! Not like these are even close to better but this is where I thought it could be going! I expected, and it was lowkey implied, that we’d be seeing more of them in the past but we got nothing.
2. The whole “ML was the one who released the virus” was explained away by a couple lines in this last chapter and BARELY touched upon. They were all “oh it wasn’t actually you” “sigh thank god.” I feel like the guilt and self loathing should’ve been, or was intended to be, a struggle for the ML to deal with. But it wasn’t mentioned much other than ML stressing in the car that one time?(and generally he had guilt but it wasn’t treated with much weight)
When this idea was introduced I was initially scared the side characters would argue and get mad at ML but did they even hear about it? And if they did hear in a chapter did the react? I don’t remember but I feel like I would’ve. I ofc would’ve been sad the ML was blaming himself but why bring it into the story at this point if that wasn’t the intention? Maybe it was just half-heartedly added to increase tension but it’s such a major event. It’s literally the trigger! I would’ve never been mad at ML or think he was in the wrong either way so self loathing/guilt wouldn’t make him unlikable. Maybe I’m wrong on this one though I need to reread.
3. I’m terrible because I like my MLs and MCs to always(usually) ultimately be in the right. Or in a relationship where neither of them care about the wrongdoings of their partner.(within reasonable and plausible bounds) “oh you murdered them? Ultimately I’ve convinced myself you’re in the right!” type sh1t.