Leia's Favorite

I did a veryyy rough translation/summary of the next chapter, so read if you want~
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Chapter 39 begins with LJ telling herself that she should have rejected/resisted him since the beginning and feels very apologetic to Aseph. Aseph is in shock, saying "don't lie to me" and "Was it all a lie? Are u saying it’s my fault for misunderstanding?"

She says to herself that it’s all her fault and that she screwed up so she doesnt deserve to cry like this. She says to herself that she deceived him when she should have been saving him (? not sure if this is correct but something along those lines lol)

He touches her arm and tells her "No matter what I do, you cannot do that(feel the same)? Don't you love me?" She doesn’t say anything, but says to herself that she does love him and that she's sorry that she can’t answer him honestly. She's crying at this point and Aseph is obviously distraught, but he knows that she is lying.

He says to himself that she made him live without her before and now she expects him to go back to those days again (when he was alone)?

He grabs her wrist and she tries to tell him that she won’t go, but he doesn't listen and they both exit the ballroom leaving everyone in shock.

They're now in a dark corridor with Aseph still holding onto her wrist. LJ immediately pulls away and addresses him as Lord Randell and tells him not to make a scene where there are many people gathered and asks him if he isn't worried what people will think of him after this?

He’s holding her wrist again, frantic telling her, “Then shout! Scream! Tell everyone that Lord Randell has insulted you! Take me to court! Take away my honor and drag me down to the bottom!”

“Lord Randell, please” she begs and Aseph tells her, “You can’t do it, I know you can’t. You don’t love me? That’s a lie. You won’t do that to me. No matter what I do, you won’t scream.”

More tears are falling and then Aseph says “Shall we test it then? I’m curious too...just how far you’re willing to put up with me..” he leans in closer to LJ. “If you don’t want this, just bite my tongue. I’ll never back down until you do. Even if you end up blaming me...”

He kisses her and she kisses him back while they both hold on to each other. She gives into him and then after a while he pulls away. He removes his coat, and places it on her. She looks up at him and Aseph says “You said you didn’t like it..” (think he was referring to the time he tried kissing her before, but now she isnt refusing him)

So he kisses her again. He pulls away again and says “You said you didn’t love me…” she responds “....I don’t love you.”

He’s silent and then says “I feel like you’ve pushed me off a cliff.” She calls him Aseph again and then he tells her that she only calls his name during times like this (when he’s in pain), but other times she just calls him Lord Randell.

She tries to retract, but he says, “You took me to heaven, and now I feel like I’ve fallen into the abyss again. Aren’t you amazing?” he begins to pull out a knife. “I don’t need any of it.. if it’s not with you, it’s all meaningless.”

LJ shouts for him to stop, but he smiles up at her and says “Don’t worry, I could never hurt you.” he points the knife to himself and she begs him to stop and to listen to her. “I’m not going to leave you” she says and tries to take hold of the knife, but he places her hand on the knife and begins to push it into himself. She begs again for him to stop, but he tells her it’s too late.

He thinks to himself that even if he has to resort to doing something like this, he wants LJ to only think of him, but then she shouts and finally reveals the fact that she has a seal. This is how the chapter ends.

Let me know if y'all want me to summarize 40 & 41~ (●￣(ｴ)￣●)