beta
This gonna be a long one!
Normally I don't bother to comment at all but I feel like the comments I saw did nothing so I'll do it.
The storyline as is was a really good idea and I haven't seen it before but it was really really REALLY poorly implemented.
Where to start?
1.Pink hair got mad at moments where it didn't make any sense. And that more than once, twice even thrice.
2. Brown hair not explaining his illness in situations where it was clearly necessary was just annoying and unnecessarily creating problems for himself and others.
3. The Kindergarten teacher being fired for protecting a child also did not make any sense. She should have called pink hair and told him about the situation. But apart from that she did the right thing.
4. Pink hairs family is just messy. The stepfather that appeared at some point who's dad is it? He came and asked for money and left. It was just unnecessary even having him in the story.
5. The ex of brown hair also did not make much sense. I get what author was trying to do, still just badly written.
6. The translation or editing or whatever was bad. Some words just did not fit and gave a different feel than what the character wanted to say. Just made it weird.
7. Story had way too many let's call em "problems" in it for how short it was. For me it seems as if the author wanted to make it as interesting as possible but didn't really know how. Included a lot of "problems" which none went into depth or detail. None of them got explained or "really" solved. Overall just messy.