makkogen's Topics (6)

omg the kid version of the uke made me laugh. so unexpected

One of those stories where the author is being self-indulgent instead of trying to create a strong plot and characters. See it in fanfic all the time too. It very obviously lacked the support of a good editor.

That is one thing I feel traditional manga has over webtoons. It typically has to be resolved in five chapters and the editors and publishers are always breathing down the artist' neck.

Dang it is my dream to have a studio to paint in. You can oil paint at home, but you shouldn't because of all the fumes.

(Spoilers-ish) Probably the first time we've seen so far where SH doesn't have the upper hand or the one in control in bed. ლ(´ڡ`ლ)

Yeah Suha go get your D- I mean your man!

((spoilers if you're not caught up))
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SH is desperately trying to recreate the same feeling he had the first time he slept with NK, as evident of him having flashbacks of NK clinging to him while confessing his love (not to him, but still).

So after that, when he raped a sober NK, he was shocked that NK didn't get hard and tried his best to get away from him, even going so far as to cry and hit him. SH, obviously, is not used to being so violently rejected and takes it personally. In his mind, once NK remembered, he'd welcome SH with open arms. After all, NK did feel good while being held. How "feelings" might come into play was never something he considered. After all, he's a young master and NK is just a peasant he treats exceptionally well (all things considered). Why on earth would NK continue to refuse him? NK is turned on too isn't he? It doesn't make any sense to SH.

After raping NK to unconsciousness, it's clear he was disturbed by the whole situation. I say "disturbed" instead of "guilty" because, while his conscience was pricked, he had a hard time grasping why things turned out the way they did. Why did NK reject him? Why was SH taking it so badly? Or not taking it badly enough? If it were anyone else, he'd probably have them killed or at least strung up and beaten half to death. And despite offering him room and board and a life beyond the imaginings of any commoner, why did NK try to run away? How could he make NK "his?" Of course the only way he knows to do that is to blackmail (using the Learned Sir), bribery (giving him all these luxuries) and to fuck him into submission, but instead of submitting, NK still rejects him. SH is also probably not one to have sex with someone so unwilling (after all he can find many willing partners), but he fucks NK to the point of nearly killing him.

At this loss of self-control of himself and the entire situation, he tries to return to his usual haunts, but in the short scene we saw, he's distracted and isn't aroused despite being in the middle of an orgy. He only pays attention when "the painter" is brought up and has flashbacks of an ill NK.

It's clear from that conversation SH thinks NK belongs to him. Even if he keeps sleeping around, he probably won't bring NK again. From now on, SH expects NK to only paint scenes of the two of them. And of course, he's quite jealous of NK's affection for the Learned Sir. He's willing to cut them both down if NK tries to run away with him again (though it could be an empty threat like with the straw mat beating). He asks what NK likes about the Learned Sir, and has accused him of wagging his tail for him like a puppy. SH KNOWS in his heart of hearts, he's superior to the teacher in every way (at least every way that matters to him such as status, mental and physical prowess), and yet NK doesn't want him.

I honestly think it's still too early to say SH's feelings are genuine or that he's anything but selfish in his desires. Like I said before, he's trying to recapture that moment of NK embracing him out of love. Probably because he's never really slept with anyone who didn't have an ulterior motive, and even if they did like him, the people in his life always come emotionally guarded. It's unspoken that gay relationships at that time period are just temporary diversions. All the young lords will eventually get married and start their families out of duty. I'm sure SH is under the same pressure as the heir to his declining family. Seeing how everyone KNOWS of his proclivities, SH is actually very rebellious and doesn't mind bringing both dishonor and ruin to his family.

So who knows what SH actually wants until we get a bit more of his background. In the beginning it was just escapism through constant sex. He doesn't seem to have any goals or aspirations. He squanders his time, money, and reputation like it's nothing. It's clear he's self-destructive and doesn't care.

It's hard to say what he feels for NK. It's safe to assume that he finds NK's innocence and his withheld sensuality incredibly erotic. He also finds him incredibly cute (he likes pushing NK's hair back to see his flustered face). He also likes it when NK clings to him and acts a bit spoiled (telling him what to do, telling him it's all his fault despite it being very inappropriate for someone lowborn), and likes teasing him when NK acts this way.

While still early, we can see SH being less forceful. SH wants NK to like him the same way he does the teacher, but he's at his last nerve being so sleep deprived and snaps when NK rejects him again (for not sitting closer to him after rejecting him by not wanting to sleep in the same room with him when SH returns home for the first time), and punishes him for a bit, and so when he sees NK reacting and saying it's HIS fault for getting an erection, SH is so ecstatic he can't help himself. He doesn't want to physically hurt NK, but he's not going let this chance go to waste and sucks his dick lol. He probably doesn't even realize how incredibly out of character it is for a noble to pleasure someone lowborn, but he's fixated on getting NK's attention.

I think we're going to see SH change his tactics a bit and put in a little more effort to woo NK, but we probably won't see SH treating NK like an actual human being he cares for rather than a cute pet for awhile still.

As for how NK feels, I'd summarize it as a mix of sexual attraction (he's been dreaming about SH from the near beginning), and Stockholm syndrome. Like SH, NK has no goals or aspirations either. He just has a crush on his teacher and an alcohol addiction (at least before coming to live with SH). I'm sure they're both very lonely people. NK especially, has to deny his sexuality and grew up an orphan. His attachment to his teacher is probably because he was the first person to "parent" NK.

Anyway, I'm interested to see where this goes! Can't wait to see more of their backstories!