Ugh its soo all over the place idk what is even going on(bit exaggerated) and the fl is a bit too scared to do stuff its kind of bothering and like cmon if ur in this kind of situation its fight or flight adn do whatever it means to get what u want ( like saving your mother, or making pple less hostile to u etc) its so bothering ヽ(`Д´)ノ
I agree there are some legitimate storytelling issues in this work. Its a little patchy in spots and the setup isn't very strong, so a lot of it feels like its coming out of nowhere--which can reflect on the characters, themselves. I'm an amateur writer myself, so I try to applaud when people aren't perfect but are still getting their work out there... but I certainly notice it.
It gotten more flexible and natural looking ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ノ~