grace's Topics (90)

I’m confused too. It’s almost Christmas. But when did she get to Tokyo?

The timeline is just so all over the place. I need to buy and read the official English copies. Will probably make more sense

Same

Psychopathy and sociopathy are nit all or nothing ... there are degrees of emotional impairment ... so, while they both feel fewer emotions, they still can have some.

Ok little psychology fast run course. The difference between sociopath and psychopathy is the former is innate, (you are born like that) and the latter is environmental (therefore can be treated). Also, a psychopath will be more manipulative and self-centered on its own satisfaction, while a sociopath will be more disconnected socially and indifferent to others wellbeing and rules.

But, unlike popular belief, both feels emotions. They are not devoid of it. Actually fiction make a great insult to both medical condition, by depicting them this way.

They have fears, and anger and love, hates and likes as well. What they don't have is a conscience, an ability to dissociate right from wrong: psychopaths have none and sociopaths have a very weak one. Also, both don't have the ability to feel empathy, meaning when they hurt someone, they cannot put themselves in their shoes and feel their pain, which makes them able to break boundaries easily. This can be toxic if the partner doesn't know how to deal with that. BUT they can fall in love and actually crave for being loved. Most of them get married and even have family on their own.

However, they will express it differently, since they lack of empathy; meaning, they won't necessarily try their best to make the other happy or unsure to not hurt them or not manipulate them. They more likely will do things in a selfish point of view, to satisfy themselves more than their partner. But love is definitely something they can feel, and even seek.

However, they will have difficulty to connect, or even be understood. Most psychopath or sociopath are not like the one shown in fiction and pop culture. They don't go around killing and having urges to kill. They just don't feel the same remorse in doing so as people with empathy will. But that doesn't mean they will do it. Because they still live in a society that condemn it.

What they will experience, however, is an incredible loneliness and disconnection with the rest of the human race. Therefore both will try to fill that gap, with a partner, but due to their condition, it is extremely hard for them to actually find a partner. There is an actual tragedy in being a sociopath, because, they know they feel not like other, there a form of guilt about not being normal and not being understood. So very often they can't connect, yet the human nature made us want to seek companionship, and their personality make it extremely. Which is why you see them so desperate and at the same time removed from over. A psychopath however will have more success in finding partnership, because his ego is at the center of every, and also perfectly know how to manipulate other and pretend to be normal. So even if they can play the act of a lovable partner, for the sake of companionship, it will be all a lie on their part, there for they will never be truly satisfy in their relationship. Because if they were showing their true self most of the time, they would be alone. True self meaning a person with no conscience and no respect of boundaries, and not a secret serial killer.

The portrait of Moo is actually very accurate in the anxiety a psychopath could experience regarding is life and happiness. Wanting to be happy, is innate of all human regardless of their psychiatric profile. Lacking of conscience or empathy does not erase that need. It just makes it harder for them to achieve in a society where the majority of people are not like them. Therefore, they will manipulate, or lie to get what they want, even though, they probably will never get what they need with that. Due to the fact it is based on lies and deception.

My brother is a psychopath. So I have a bit of practice with that.

After reading this, I'm now wondering if people with Asperger's and/or borderline or on the spectrum Autistic's have been oftentimes misdiagnosed as Psychopaths and the other way around.

Oh, probably. Especially since science on it keeps on improving every day.

Actually I wrote my sentence wrong earlier, I meant to say sociopathy is environmental and psychopathy is innate... brain!

Wow. good analysis. Thanks for sharing your insight.

As I mentioned, I lived with the psychopath my entire childhood. Having one as a brother is pretty formative as well as traumatizing. To be fair with you, I had to live on another continent to finally get free from him.

Strangely, he has a partner, and a kid. Which he loves dearly, and his terrified of losing, but he isn't satisfied with any of his life "success". His satisfaction tank is bottomless, and the more he aged, the more it becomes obvious. His smile and everything are so fake, it is painful to watch. But his feelings for his wife and son are real, even if tainted by a permanent melancholy and withdrawal. He has emotions, but refuse to let them out, and his connection to others are only serving his search for satisfaction. But since he cannot be satisfied... nothing is ever enough. And that left him bitter, which is the root of his obsession with me. Because I am the person that he wanted to keep to him, and yet that ever truly resisted him. And this is literary in the dedication of his Medical thesis.

In the eyes of society, with his ideal family and career he has built for himself, he seems pretty normal. But I am not part of his ideal life. I am his kryptonite, as he often called me, because I am the only person in the world that knows truly who he is behind his well crafted facade. In front of me, his lies don't work because since I am born I have witnessed and experienced full blast his true self. He loves me, I have no doubt about it, but unlike his wife, the loves he has for me is so twisted and toxic, that at one point it became a matter of life and death for me to escape him.

And the reason why it is different with me, is probably residing in my birth. My brother was ecstatic over my arrival, to the point he couldn't wait to get me out of my mother when he felt me moving in her belly. My mother told me that he tried to find the "button" on her skin to "let me out". And there is a photo in my parents home of him holding me oh so proudly when I was born, beaming of joy. It is in fact the only real smile I have known him to have, and I only know it thanks to that photo. Such a pure happiness, he was never able to feel it afterward. Not even when his own son was born.

I became his companion. I became his confident, the witness of his entire existence and as I grew up, he starts agonizing at the idea of me distancing myself from him. Even to this day, it is what give him the most brutal outburst of anger. He isolated me from anyone that would want to be my friends, so I had no other choice but to stay with him. He would out loud say that he didn't want me to stick to him nor needed me, making sure his friends don't befriend me, but he would talk about me to everyone, putting me on a form a pedestal and yet become extremely violent if I go a do things on my own and try to destroy my will when I was starting to become confident. In short, he groomed me to his desire, and me being hyper-empathic, I was the perfect candidate for that to "absorb him" to the point we would think practically the same. It even sometimes freaks people out how our mind are so in tune.

I think his first eagerness over my existence was that I was going to fill the gap in his heart, file that loneliness as a child. But I am born being the complete opposite of him, and he grew envious of how I could empathize with others, and attract their kindness. I have naturally what he lacks of, and that is why he destroyed it to keep it only for himself.

A big part of it is due to our father, who not only like to joke about the fact he only wanted a girl and was disappointed that my brother was born first, but also rejoiced over the fact that I was born gifted for many arts that attract people attention. My brother is incredibly smart, but this was so normalized in my family, that his good grades were never enough (nor were mine). So my talent was the only things I had to exist in my home, and my brother had nothing of "interest" so he took his revenge outside our home. He became extremely skill socially, making friends wherever he would go, and use my shyness against me because whenever people would see me draw he ceases to exist and that was unacceptable.

To be fair, my father didn't treat me better. He would be more violent to me than to my brother and use me for his own personal social uprising. He also told me that he was disappointed that I didn't turn out to be the little pink princess daddy girl he wanted and that I turned out to be Daria, instead. But at that point, my brother had already started to abuse of me. In the end I couldn't win. By being born his opposite, I indirectly cause my brother obsession over me, his crave for my father attention and his desire to be in fact me. And that was how the nightmare began.

I learned the hard way what monster he was early own, and for years I took upon me to tame the beast like Lee Kirin does in this story. Whenever I would see people idolizing him, I felt sorry for them, and didn't want them to be betrayed and discover how wicked he was, and all the things he was doing to me when nobody was looking. So I sacrificed myself for years, to be a shield between him and society, to make sure that, not only, no one would discover his true nature but also that no one would be destroyed the way he destroyed me. Until he went and fell in love with someone else.

I genuinely feared for his wife, and the worst part is even after that he still was on a side continuing to be obsessed with me, and couldn't accept the idea that I was doing things without his full control and liking things he didn't like. When ever I was putting a limit, and cutting a tie, he would find another way to keep the bond intact. Until one day, I broke down. My mind and body broke down, and I took an opportunity of a study exchange, to take a break. And it helps me to see the situation I was in. And also that he was not my responsibility, especially not in the state I was left in. I also was able to finally exist for myself, outside the set of rules he and my father had design for me, my entire life. It was new for me, that I could live for myself, and not as a human shield for whatever he was.

But he is still my brother and I still care deeply for him, even if he is a monster that I can no longer stay near. And I care for his wife and my nephew. And my parents that are now the new target of his mind, especially since I spill the beans to them over what I went through for 20 years. My mother being a doctor confirmed my suspicion over what he is. But my parents are powerless. So no I am living far away, I cut all ties with him, but I secretly check on my sister-in-law. And I help my parents as well. I am getting mentally stronger and treat my wounds, and educated myself in how to handle his case, so that when the beast will be fully unleash, I can go back on the battlefield and put it down.

And seeing how he loses his shit whenever something good happen to me, that he wasn't involved with, I think it should take long before the final show down.

Wow... I have no words, I feel like I just saw your whole life story. Thank you so much for sharing, that must not have been easy but I could feel your deep and heart felt emotions and the strength it must have took for you to do what was best for yourself was inspiring
Honestly you could write a memoir with how investing that was, and I don’t mean to offend you by turning your experience into a ‘story’ but I just think if you ever decided to write everything down it could be an incredible read and probably help you and possibly your family address your feelings, the situation and what’s next in life for you x

Ahahah yeah sorry, I went a bit overboard. As for your comment on writing, no offense taken. A lot of it is present in almost all of my fictional works. I even made a short animated movie about. But I made it before I left my home country to live in the US, so the ending is not as hopeful as my message above :D

And I do have a comics project in the preparation entirely talking about that in a form of inner conflict between me and my other selves. It is comical most of the time but it has its dark arcs as well. I started it about 7 years ago, but after my house burned I had to drop it and many things happened after that, so I wanted to have a good conclusion before restarting it.

Well I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours!