illumidumbitch's Topics (216)

It's because they're indirectly contributing to the bullying or violence. Of course 100% the perpetrator is to blame but it can take just a single voice to help the victim be saved. And if everyone turns a blind eye to it, then.. You get the idea

Everyone or any spectators or bystanders**

And yes it's your choice if you wanna help or not but would ypu really just stand and watch while someone is getting bullied? Most spectators get regret after just doing so. And, I'm not particularly pointing to you it's just how i talk xD

I know you commented this a month ago and like I get where you’re coming from, but imagine if the entire class stood up for that one person, what a difference it could make. What could 1 or 2 bullies do about the whole class shaming them for picking on someone. It’s all about sheep mentality in Korea. But if everyone is collectively a bystander, nothing gets done. That’s why i think it’s a group responsibility. And tbh, most of the time, the class just doesn’t care. It’s just the other few outcasts who are actually “scared”. I doubt this mc is scared of them, he just wants a ‘peaceful school life’.

as a bystander myself bf it’s also difficult bc u already have ur own matters so u don’t wanna be involved with another one, u’re probably scared too! Personally I was one of those cowards but u know one of our classmate reported the bullying anonymously so it actually stopped for once! They acted even though not directly on the bullies n without knowing who they were! N for me I felt regrets bc a victim is a person like u too n don’t deserve to be treated like a shit and ur just there watching it ! Anw it’s ur choice to help or not

For me, it's about picking my own battles. I cannot simply just jump in front of someone then expect the situation to be solved. My interferemce could potentially aggravate the situation (making it worse for the victim) or turn against me or people I actually care about. You do not slap a bully's hand away and expect them to change their ways immediately. If you're good at physically fighting em bullies, then good for you. If you have the influence or social network to scare them, that's also great. But for me who have neither of these, the safest thing i could do is to only report anonymously to concerned authorities, or people who can better handle these situations.

And if the authority did not act on the issue? Then that's a bigger and unfortunate issue on this corrupt system that I, as an individual, is unable to address immediately.

OK IK NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS but it's actually a social phenomenon called the bystander effect. When a group of people witness a tragic event no one is likely to make the first move because they expect someone else on the crowd to do it. They shift the blame onto the other people in the crowd for not intervening. It affects real life cases like the Kitty Genovese case, it's actually really interesting

It's because they're contributing to the bulliying. It's pretty much impossible to prevent people from doing bad things, but we do have control on how we react to it. If no one does anything, nothing will change. At the same time, i do understand why they wouldn't intefere (they don't want to end up being bullied too) but there are ways people can help without putting themselves in the line of fire (for example: anonomously informing the teacher or trying to reach out to the kid in private. Though, admittedly, i don't know if people havent tried yet . However the whole 'bystander aspect ' of the story does imply that no one's tried anything to help).

YESS I was actually talking about this topic too under the comments! Really well explained

While interesting, i don't think that applies here. The whole point with the bystander effect is that it applies to emergencies; situations that are happening right in the moment and need immediate attention. That's why your examples are about crimes or tragic events, and not a prolonged case of bullying where these people have had weeks to take action (so not immediate situation, but a prolonged case). In this case, the bystanders have had the time to process the situation over a prolonged period of time, have been separated from each other and can thus think about things individually without being influenced by other bystanders, and have had the time to come to logical conclusions. Claiming bystander effect doesn't make sense either when you think of the reasons some of them don't take action: 1) they're afraid to get bullied (so not bystander effect where they're influenced by everyone else), 2) they think it would mess with their peaceful high school life (MC's thought process) or 3) just don't care

Actually i believe it has a part in it. Bystander effect is all about the way people's behaviour is influenced by being part of a group. It isn't about processing a situation, rather shifting the responsibility to someone else in a group in order to not feel guilty for not intervening. There isn't an expiration date on how long you can place the burden on the rest of the group in order to make yourself feel better. " Anyone else could do it so why me" mentality, in a sense. Ofc what you mentioned could also be factors which further push people to not want to interfere with the situation.

Also, bystander effect doesn't excuse not helping someone in a time of need, but rather explains why such a phenomenon happens in the first place. Personally i think it is a main factor of prolonged bullying in schools, especially during a time students are interested in fitting within a social group

being a bystander = if you're okay with someone being bullied. you, as a bystander literally have to make it mentally okay for yourself to be one. I, on the other hand, cannot do that...

A bystander is someone who is present at an incident but doesn’t do anything. Although I’m not saying it’s okay to be a bystander, I think there is a lot more to it than ‘being okay with someone being bullied’. For example, a lot of people by-stand out of fear, some out of anxiety and ofc others out of pure indifference. So I don’t think we should pin ‘being ok with it’ to the nature of bystanders:)

If you are fearful of stoping a situation from happening, you have let your fear take control and you let it dictate your actions. You have accepted that you are more important than the situation that is going on, your emotions (indifference etc.) are more important than taking action. Literally you have to be okay with that, not only what is going on, but yourself not taking action. That's what I mean by being okay with being a bystander. I, however, (I'll say it again) am not okay with being one because I would not be okay with the situation taking place according to my moral compass nor would I be okay with myself not taking action.

I still don't think it applies here especially because the characters have already explained why they won't interfere. It's not that they havent decided that someone else should step in; it's that they've simply decided that it's not worth stepping in on their own. They're not shifting responsibility; they just don't care enough. I'd also argue that if you believe that the bystander effect applies in cases of bullying then you should use those real life examples, where scientists have concluded that the bystander effect is in play with bullying, and not examples that have to do with crimes or tragic events and are therefore not proof of the bystander effect in cases of bullying. And while the bystander effect is interesting, new studies have shown that people do step in when tragic events happen even when surrounded by lots of people. Even in the case you brought up, Kitty Genovese, not everyone actually remained a bystander. Some had called the police and someone had actually gone to her side. There's plenty to say about just how real the bystander effect is in light of the fact that people did try to do something in for example the Kitty Genovese case and just how often recent studies have shown that people will help in emergencies. The bystander effect in at least the case of this story just doesn't make sense when we've gotten the characters motivations, no actual proof that the bystander effect is in play when it comes to bullying and there's been ample of time where the characters could reasonably think their actions through and not be affected by a supposed idea that someone else will step in

1) Really we only know why the mc won't step in, people can have other reasons to not step in, and usually people won't admit that they're passing off the responsibility if they have any other reasoning for it, since it makes them seem weak. It's more of an unconscious thing we do.

2) I don't have any studies on bullying in general sadly, I'm just not THAT interested in it and I won't start now tbh

3)Yes, some people did help and other studies have shown trends such as people from the same ethnic groups being more likely to help eachother, and men being more likely to help women than other men. There are also however many social experiments of prople pretending to be in a situation of need, maybe one that doesn't require immediate attention sometimes, and have shown that a large amount of people would often just pass by and ignore the event. And the fact of the matter is, in Kitty's case there were still over 30 witnesses that didn't do anything.

Overall when the immediate risk is dicreased, the group can't directly sympathise with the person in need and there are ways to reason with a situation, people are less and less likely to break from the group in general. Truthfully the bullies are likely to be expelled or sanctioned and kept on watch. The person standing up for the bullied one can very well not be harmed or inconvenienced in any significant way. But it's just not really worth breaking away from the group or interfering with something you didn't cause. "Buts" and "ifs" are just shallow excuses in the end

Srsly tis topic become a whole ass argument when the solution can be easier! As I pointed bf the safest way to act against bullying when u witness one n can’t interfere directly to it for diverse reasons is report it anonymously to responsable authorities or adults! n if that doesn’t work as excepted it’s definitely the whole social system who sucks! Anw just do the things u think right but just try to avoid guilt, regrets or remorse after idk have just common sense I guess

Don’t get me wrong I completely agree but I also understand the thought process within a bystander. As you made the point that when you let fear take over, you are essentially letting yourself being ok with it which I disagree. In many cases fear/insecurity of a situation isn’t something one can control all the time which is why anxiety is a thing. You may be letting an emotion be dominant within you but that doesn’t mean you’re okay with that fact that it has! I feel as though that statement undermines a lot of mental illnesses.
(But again, personally, I’d try not to make myself a bystander)

frrrr like how y’all gonna root 4 a rapist over the mans he luvs just bc the man he luvs is black? sensing sum undercover racism from this comment section

Wait I thought was what you’re supposed to do, isn’t that what they do in movies omg

Yeah you're right cuz the object surpress the bleeding as well .. so if we just pull it out the blood will shoot out more quickly

Well you can only pull it out if you have something to stop the bleeding like a bandage or something similar. If not then is best to not even touch it

Ohh