asuka

No fr though, this is what I'm talking about. Not just the words or letters but the "there is no word that could express what I feel for you" or the feeling of "being content just watching over that someone and it fills you up till you become an idiot who'd do anything for that person". THAT is the kind of love that I gave for the 8 men I've been with before. But no one stayed. I have my flaws, they have too, no one is perfect but they only give up while I accept theirs.

The only thing I know I did wrong, is to expect that standard of love that I know and been giving to be given back to me as well.


Now after my last guy I became numb. But, it is a blessing in disguise. Now I won't settle for any less, bc it is harder and more painful to expect something they aren't capable of, than just staying alone and giving that same kind of love I've been giving them to myself instead.

I realized it is much nicer, feels peaceful and I feel happier each day.

But this, Carcel did it. He made me realize time and time again that I am happier now being with myself, and that I should not expect to have something like this anymore.

Because if it ain't this? Boy, I'd rather die single. :>


But srsly, everyone deserves to be loved like this. So I hope you guys find it for yourself in whatever shape or form. <3

Copy and Pasting my reply to one of the comments here, just so people who haven't experienced being in a manipulative, toxic and abusive relationship can get a little bit of understanding on how this works:

I'm replying bc I experienced this too. I get why people get angry at hajin for this but it's bc (maybe) they haven't been in that same situation. I'm telling ya, trigger words/songs etc. Everything you experienced (core memory or whatnot) with your ex is the worst. You can go about your day feeling the best then hear that one song you enjoyed in the past with the one that gave u trauma and it will freeze you, you thought you forgot everything but just bc of that single trigger it's like you're back to zero. You cry buckets again and it hurts so much. You start having the anxiety again, can't sleep and your heart feels like it busted a nerve. And it's hard to trust people again. It's the worst.

Even though u are aware that it's the past, but emotional/mental trauma is not a walk in the park (it's the worst) that would go away in just a year or two or just bc you met someone better.

At least Hajin is aware that it is not Geonwoo's fault, neither of them is at fault. It's just a matter of how he heals or if he let's Geonwoo help him heal. People have different ways of coping up and healing, and we have different capabilities in which how quick we are able to heal. But damn *first love? I tell ya' that hurts like a bitch. It's already a miracle that he's opening up to Geonwoo. But can we just understand that things like *trauma* is not just bc he is scared ? Iz more than that.

I know this is fiction but it wouldn't hurt to at least be aware, since you guys talk a lot about sympathizing and empathizing. Might as well understand that this is not easy. People who've been in this same situation can relate.

This is fiction but at least cut Hajin some slack. He's not even doing this on purpose and he's been clear to Geonwoo and not impulsively giving your commitment knowing ya ain't healed. It would just cause another toxicity when you're already together and u have some baggage.

I hope they can communicate (I know it's hard for the traumatized to talk about what they've been through) but hopefuly he can soon, then maybe Geonwoo can also understand why Hajin is the way he is when it comes to love.

And for all those who have been in this similar situation, I hope you find peace and healing within you because no one deserves being treated like that then left with an awul baggage. *sending hugs to ya'll*